update on bd meeting (long)

So I went to beaumont.tx today were my bd lives. I had told him I would call after I finished wedding dress/ brides maid dress shopping. No I am not getting married one day but no time soon. I called his phone while we were having lunch and the other girls went to the restroom of coure hes got a new number he can't ever keep the same number. So I call the new number that he had left on his vm and he didnt answer at first. Then l8ter I called again b/c I figure he could have just been busy. He answered but thought I was a costumer looking for a tattoo. once he relized who I was he asked were we were and said he was on his way. After we got done at this last dress shop he still wasnt around so I figured there was only one place he could be. Now it was probaly stupid of me to go their but he had said he wanted to see my daughter so I didn't wana be rude and leave town w/out him meeting her since he had said he wanted to meet her. I get there and he dosent say anything to me, which is fine since it isnt about me. He gose to her side of the car opens her door and dosent say anything to her. My baby even when tired is very responsive to anyone if u talk with her. But he just kept glaring at her and smoking which pissed me off that even lit the cigiret b4 comming over to the car. He acted like he wanted to pick her up, but then claim he had acid on his shirt. Now corect me if I'm wrong but isnt acid corosive and if it was on his shirt he would have taken the shirt off b/c it would have burnt through his shirt. Anyways I decided it was just a waste of my time and just made me mad to even see him and the way he intereacted with her. My baby deserves better. If he ever decides to quit running and decide to follow thosee visitation rules then I will let him see her otherwise no matter if i'm in town or not I'm not contacting him. Hazel deserves much better than some deadbeat. I don't for a second regreat having Hazel I just regreat having her with him and not with someone else. Sry this is so long just thought I would update yall on their meeting.

Hi Apryl,
I am so proud of you trying to make contact and do the best thing for Hazel - I am sorry that it turned into such a negative experience for you. I remember your post wondering what you should do, and you did the best for Hazel. You are by far the better person.
I think you're right now to leave him be - you have tried, for Hazel's sake and you will not end up wondering if you should have gone to see him.
Becky x

I agree. Congrats on being brave enough to put your feelings aside and do something so hard for Hazel. I am in a slightly similar boat with not being with baby daddy anymore and it is so hard to think of doing the best for baby and ignoring our own feelings. Just leave that line of communication open to him incase he realizes what he is missing but I wouldn't attempt to make any other meetings on my own.

You tried, probably more than I would have done. I am so sorry you were dissapointed. At least Hazel did not know what was going on. He was such a jerk and I would NOT go out of my way anymore to bring her to him.

You did the best you could...but you can't force him to be the 'daddy' he should be to his daughter.  In the long run, if he doesn't want to be there, it's better for you and for Hazel that he just stay away.  As you said, keep the lines of communication open, but don't go out of your way to arrange for him to see Hazel.  I'd also make it a point in the future if he up and decides it's time to play daddy that it's all or nothing...no part time when it feels good to him daddy-ing.  Hazel either needs a daddy she can rely on for life, or none at all. 

[[Hugs]] to you for being the best mama you can be for your little girl.

thank yall for yalls kind words. I will keep the line of communication open and if he wants to call hes got my number. No you can't make someone be a daddy to all 4 of his kids. If Hazel wants to try and communicate with him when shes is much older she is free to. I won't contac him when I go down there. If he one day mans up I'll be there to let him see her and holly I will tell him its all or nothing b/c  Hazel dosent need that type of inconsitincey in her life. yall have been such a wonderfull support system for me I am glad I found you ladies

Sorry what happened.  You are right keep the lines of communication open.  Shame though--he doesn't realize the joys he is missing out on.  My father is the same way and is not 65 years old and still runs away from responsibility.  I found him when (big mistake) I was 12 while a girlfriend and I were playing on the phone (before caller id--lol).  Even though my family welcomed him to see me whenever since I moved to Texas--he never made the adjustment.  

I am so grateful for the life I have lived with and without him.  I love him as a person but it was his loss.  My grandfather is my daddy and there is not a day that goes by I don't remember something we have done together or sometimes, I just go over and we just talk. :-)

I know Hazel will be just fine!