Totally OT: buying Mother's Day gift for my bonus kids' mother

I think they should do something to acknowledge the important days but it doesn't always take 20$ to do it.
Break out a cookbook and have them make cookies or some sort of fancy dessert. Or the 2 of them could pick something together. It will cost way less than $20.00 and have more sentimental value. Also, if they have to buy some of the ingredients themselves it will teach them some responsibility and home-ec skills. They have to eventually learn how to do that stuff one day :)

I agree with the last few posters.  They're old enough to be doing chores w/o being paid to do them.  I also think they should get an allowance that isn't depenant on the chores...they're two separate issues.  My 16 yo (who doesn't drive...can't get a license in Bulgaria until they're 18) gets about $50 a month, which is fine for Bulgaria...plus my son's a cheap ass and doesn't spend money.  The girls can save their allowance for gifts - whether for their mom, each other, you, your husband or the baby...whatever...saving their allowance truly makes the gift from them and not you.  Giving them extra chores to earn extra money isn't a bad idea as long as they do a good job of the extra chore.  A ****ty job doesn't get paid.  The 16 yo is old enough to earn a little extra by baby sitting for you - to give you some 'me' time, to go grocery shopping, get your hair done or whatever.  Come up with a reasonable amount (lol - more reasonable to you than her!) for hourly rate or flat rate (ie a flat fee for the day or the evening) that you'll pay, considering a few extra $$ for a night she might go out w/friends (ie Friday/Saturday).  I would insist, though, that she take infant CPR classes and if there's a babysitting class in the neighborhood, get her to take it. 

I'd suggest sitting down w/your husband and talk to him...work out something that you both can live with w/o resenting the solution....then once you two have agreed, present it as a done deal for the girls.  Mother's Day would be an ideal time for them to start learning to bake.  They could make their mom a cake, cookies, brownies, or something like that.  It would cost you the ingredients, but it'd certainly be less than $20 for each of them...and depending on what type of mother she is, she might appreciate it too.  You could even find them a dinner they could freeze and take to her house to heat/eat, along with a dessert, to make it an entire Mothers Day dinner...maybe a lasagna that's frozen until they go to her house, plus a cake and a salad or some other veggie. If you've never checked it out, look for a magainze by Reiman publications called 'Simple and Delicious.' They have very easy to follow recipes, usually not 'exotic' ingredients, but things you're likely to have on hand, and the girls could follow them.  Gives the benefit of them making a gift rather than (you) buying it, plus gets them to learn to cook. 

Wow! Now this is why I posted...you all are awesome!

I really like your answers of having them make something for their mom. I have been trying to teach them to cook lately. The 12 year old is ALL about it and usually follows me around the kitchen asking all kinds of questions. I think that between the two of them that they could put something together.

Again, I really want to do right by them. It's just so hard when there are so many emotions running. I know I'm biased when it comes to her, but I'd never speak ill in front of the kids about her or make them feel bad about the situation. I know they feel and know what's going on, and yet it seems like when she's at her worst the kids seem to feel the need to defend her more so. For me, its hard to honor her as a mother and I know that this clouds my view of what they should be allowed to do for her for Mother's day. My husband and I never pass judgement in words or actions about her to the kids, I figure its their own demon that they are dealing with and they don't need my "weight" of it to deal with as well.

Not an easy situation....  thank you all for your great ideas! You all make my life a little easier!!! 

 I agree with them all. But a 16yr old with a car, is old enough to be responsible for gas, upkeep, etc...., You are doing great!!!! And chores are chores, Not paydays. Regular household stuff is enjoyed by and she be DONE by all.
Much Love to you.
SHerry