trying to not be judgmental...
another thing?
Careful what you wish for....(HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA)
could be twins, with colic...OR you will know you have twins and a third one pops out... =)
i am on my 4th kid, youd think we would know it all....with each baby its like your first all over again. I have been asking my aunt for adivice on different things, she has 6.
Careful what you wish for....(HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA)
could be twins, with colic...OR you will know you have twins and a third one pops out... =)
i am on my 4th kid, youd think we would know it all....with each baby its like your first all over again. I have been asking my aunt for adivice on different things, she has 6.
Ann~sorry to hear about your infertility. I am not being a smartass, i am not making light of the situation. If I lived by you, id be more than happy to help you have a baby. may sounded weird, id be more than happy to carry a child for you. Was going to do it for my SIL ok exSIL but she said shed be weirded out by it cuz of her being an exSIL.
See, what some other poster posted, about how people can be judgemental. Women are the biggest ones to do that. Should we no. there are some people who just "dont get" other people. Thats makes you you, and that makes me me. Actually, i never wanted to have children of my own. I actually wanted to adopt and be a surrogant. There are to many babies without homes, and to many couples who cant have and should.
do I want to praised or whatever? no. looking for attentions? nope.
Maybe it's just my sense of humor, I don't find what she wrote offensive at all (or the responses either). When I found out about number four I made some off the cuff comments about finding a bus to jump in front of, the people who know me laughed at it and joked with me b/c they know thats just how I am. They know I am an insanly dedicated mother to my children and that I wasn't REALLY going to toss myself in front of a bus, I just know being a mom is not all that great all the time and I use humor as a way to keep from losing my mind.
It sounds to me like she is just being funny, and her friends are laughing with her. I would be annoyed that this is the way she told the family about the pregnancy, but not about what she wrote.
It sounds to me like she is just being funny, and her friends are laughing with her. I would be annoyed that this is the way she told the family about the pregnancy, but not about what she wrote.
Courtney - Lap band to VSG revision
you sit there and said you werent being judgemental. Trying not to be i should say. Feel sorry for my kids or for me? Um hell no! If you would read in between the lines of your SIL, you will see the love that she has. I didnt read it like they were a burden. I loathe and detest Kate. Now that excuse the language, "Hag" shouldnt of even been allowed to produce. Now my question to you is this, if you are trying to get pregnant and you are reading on people ALREADY pregnant and having babies, and you come on here asking/stating what you were upset about. WHAT did you expect? To me, if you are struggling to have a baby, goto the infertility forums if you want to be "coddled".
My comment after i found out i was pregnant with my 4th..."shoot me now"...not because the baby was a burden, it was the fact of the pregnancy itsself. Mine were pure hell on me. Im sure your SIL maybe of said it was a walk in the park, or it was hell but the ending was worth it. After having the gastric bypass, i had more issues with my pregnancy than i did with my first 3. First 3, HIGH BP, Bedrest for 3mos, all day and night vomiting, passing out, blood test every 4 days along with pee test after pee test for the toxemia/preeclampic. That was BEFORE my surgery. NOW, I tried my hardest to ensure this pregnancy was nothing like my others. I had a new dr who didnt freaking listen to me about what was going on. NOW if you were "looking/trolling/lurking/snooping" whatever it is, go back a few months and see what was going on.
I had my OB/GYN kick me out of the practice because I told the dr to pull his head out of his ass and to listen to the fact that there was something wrong luckily i delivered before my 30days were up. I bled from my second month to my 5th month. With each and every goosh of blood, clot, wetness, i was scared to death. the burden? the burden was put on me for the fact that I had to fight to get what i needed done when I was pregnant. What did they find out? 5th mos, ultrasound echogenic bowel=genetic markers for CF and DS. Did testing it was all good! Thank god!! nope not done, then they seen he was starting to stop growing. When did he stop? 32-34wks. A specialist noticed it, not my OB. From the testing and the marks they seen on the ultrasound they figured it was him that swallowed blood. relief right? NOPE! Shortly after i was starting to get cramps, contractions, woozy, passing out at work, very low BP rather than High. Blood sugars all over, wasnt GD. protein levels were below normal. iron deficiency etc...they couldnt figure out why. NOONE had an answer. told me it was ok and normal. called me a typical pregnant mom. Nope i wasnt. Went to labordelivery when i passed a mucus plug and started to contract and noone knew why, then the midwife popped up and said "Oh yeah by the way your papsmear came back abnormal, you have a bacterial yeast infection" um, i had that done in my second month at this time was my 5th month.
screw looking back here is the rest of it. Periontologist wanted to deliver me at Thanksgiving...my due date was Jan 20...you do the math. He seen there was something wrong but couldnt put his finger on it. Wait and see. well wait and see about killed my son. Low fluids, unresponsive that I even call the dr office about him not doing fetal kick count...told me it was ok it was normal. NOPE NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! I was admitted on Dec 27, induced at just OVER 36wks by like a day, the resident lied as to what week i was cuz he seen how Q wasnt responding. just to get him delivered. He was born at 237am delivered by 5 nurses cuz my dr wasnt there yet. seen him at 3 am for his first pic and my life came crashing down even more around me. 17hrs later, he was life flighted to a NICU and was listed as unstable and not possibly even stay alive through the night. He has NAIT. Rare genetic blood disorder. He shouldnt of even survived delivery. When he was born he had 2 knots almost completely closed i have a pic of one of the knots. His blood platelets were only 6000...normal 50,000-450,000. if got *****ed any more than he did, he wouldve bled to death. In first 17hrs of his life he had 3 IVIG transfusions and a blood transfusion. I got to hold him for a total of 15min that day, the whole damn day. I was the first patient to be released as quickly as they did so i could go and be with my son, who apparently is a burden to me when i make comments about how i reacted to when I found out was pregnant.
Making comments about how my kids are being lil boogers or the fact that shaving my legs was a chore anymore. Hell i dont even care if i even do shave em. Dont have time to do that. As a parent you give up alot, i dont care that i did. Oh lets see what did i give up? nothing, my kids added to it. what i get instead is bathroom partners and if you lock the door they know how "pick the lock" actually im glad they can do it, cuz it really sucks when you dont have tp and the supply is on the other side of that door.
I have an idea, why dont you show your SIL what you wrote and see how she reacts to it? One thing about "talking" through forums and statuses you dont know what state of mind or tone being used with what is wrote. I DARE YOU to show her what you wrote on here and tell her how you feel. Instead of not doing anything about do something. MAYBE she was trying to enjoy the fact that she was pregnant. She thought of herself and her family (her hubby and 2 kids) and GOD FORBID she didnt take you into consideration or other people who are struggling. when clearly she was excited. Apparently God doesnt think her kids are a burden to bless her with another one. My kids are gifts, each one has taught me many things. Q is now a case study for this disorder. Is it a burden for all the appts, heel pokes, dr calls questions being constantly asked giving permission to talk about his case? Yes it is a burden but is sure as hell worth it. He is helping these dr's come up with new ways to detect treat and not really find a cure, but better ways to treat it while the mom is pregnant and after baby is here.
Holy Hell!
MY SON is amiracle and the only burden he is to me when he isnt laughing or smiling? i dont like it when he isnt smiling or crying thats my burden as a parent, seeing your child sad and not happy.
what did you expect exactly when you posted this on this forum? pity? the "oh im sorry" we have to tip toe around you because we have kids and we make light hearted comments? Like someone else has stated on her, until you have experienced it. then dont be so damn judgemental. I couldnt talk about my pregnancies around my SIL why? cuz i felt bad. I wanted to tell her how they were kicking or jumping around etc, i couldnt bring myself to do it because of the hurt i could see in her eyes. SO dont be telling me that im being cold hearted or non understanding. I HAVE SEEN first hand how infertility affects families. It had ours. THATS why i offered to carry a child for her and her husband. gee, since im so cold hearted and non understanding and after i told why my burdens were the pregnancies NOT THE BABY i would put myself through that just so they can experience being parents. The end prize? A baby for them.
Sorry for being so unfeeling towards people who have infertility issues. I guess I dont know what it does to the "other side" of the family that has to see the people they love and care for be torn apart with each negative preg test, each procedure of "they said this will work" just for it not too. ttesting more testing, 10s of thousands of dollars for IVF etc... Have you looked at it from HER perspective? or have you just been thinking about yourselves?
I am sorry that you have expeienced miscarriages and loss its hard thing to deal with. feel like its your fault deep down you know its not, seeing everyone with strollers and baby this and baby that. You know whats hard? my first miscarriage was with Q;s dad when I was 19. His daughter that he had with someone else who got pregnant 5mos after my loss, all i think is about how and what the baby i loss would look like, etc..kinda like how infertile couples look at every passing baby etc...oh i wonder if she/he would have my eyes, haircolor straight curly....
My comment after i found out i was pregnant with my 4th..."shoot me now"...not because the baby was a burden, it was the fact of the pregnancy itsself. Mine were pure hell on me. Im sure your SIL maybe of said it was a walk in the park, or it was hell but the ending was worth it. After having the gastric bypass, i had more issues with my pregnancy than i did with my first 3. First 3, HIGH BP, Bedrest for 3mos, all day and night vomiting, passing out, blood test every 4 days along with pee test after pee test for the toxemia/preeclampic. That was BEFORE my surgery. NOW, I tried my hardest to ensure this pregnancy was nothing like my others. I had a new dr who didnt freaking listen to me about what was going on. NOW if you were "looking/trolling/lurking/snooping" whatever it is, go back a few months and see what was going on.
I had my OB/GYN kick me out of the practice because I told the dr to pull his head out of his ass and to listen to the fact that there was something wrong luckily i delivered before my 30days were up. I bled from my second month to my 5th month. With each and every goosh of blood, clot, wetness, i was scared to death. the burden? the burden was put on me for the fact that I had to fight to get what i needed done when I was pregnant. What did they find out? 5th mos, ultrasound echogenic bowel=genetic markers for CF and DS. Did testing it was all good! Thank god!! nope not done, then they seen he was starting to stop growing. When did he stop? 32-34wks. A specialist noticed it, not my OB. From the testing and the marks they seen on the ultrasound they figured it was him that swallowed blood. relief right? NOPE! Shortly after i was starting to get cramps, contractions, woozy, passing out at work, very low BP rather than High. Blood sugars all over, wasnt GD. protein levels were below normal. iron deficiency etc...they couldnt figure out why. NOONE had an answer. told me it was ok and normal. called me a typical pregnant mom. Nope i wasnt. Went to labordelivery when i passed a mucus plug and started to contract and noone knew why, then the midwife popped up and said "Oh yeah by the way your papsmear came back abnormal, you have a bacterial yeast infection" um, i had that done in my second month at this time was my 5th month.
screw looking back here is the rest of it. Periontologist wanted to deliver me at Thanksgiving...my due date was Jan 20...you do the math. He seen there was something wrong but couldnt put his finger on it. Wait and see. well wait and see about killed my son. Low fluids, unresponsive that I even call the dr office about him not doing fetal kick count...told me it was ok it was normal. NOPE NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! I was admitted on Dec 27, induced at just OVER 36wks by like a day, the resident lied as to what week i was cuz he seen how Q wasnt responding. just to get him delivered. He was born at 237am delivered by 5 nurses cuz my dr wasnt there yet. seen him at 3 am for his first pic and my life came crashing down even more around me. 17hrs later, he was life flighted to a NICU and was listed as unstable and not possibly even stay alive through the night. He has NAIT. Rare genetic blood disorder. He shouldnt of even survived delivery. When he was born he had 2 knots almost completely closed i have a pic of one of the knots. His blood platelets were only 6000...normal 50,000-450,000. if got *****ed any more than he did, he wouldve bled to death. In first 17hrs of his life he had 3 IVIG transfusions and a blood transfusion. I got to hold him for a total of 15min that day, the whole damn day. I was the first patient to be released as quickly as they did so i could go and be with my son, who apparently is a burden to me when i make comments about how i reacted to when I found out was pregnant.
Making comments about how my kids are being lil boogers or the fact that shaving my legs was a chore anymore. Hell i dont even care if i even do shave em. Dont have time to do that. As a parent you give up alot, i dont care that i did. Oh lets see what did i give up? nothing, my kids added to it. what i get instead is bathroom partners and if you lock the door they know how "pick the lock" actually im glad they can do it, cuz it really sucks when you dont have tp and the supply is on the other side of that door.
I have an idea, why dont you show your SIL what you wrote and see how she reacts to it? One thing about "talking" through forums and statuses you dont know what state of mind or tone being used with what is wrote. I DARE YOU to show her what you wrote on here and tell her how you feel. Instead of not doing anything about do something. MAYBE she was trying to enjoy the fact that she was pregnant. She thought of herself and her family (her hubby and 2 kids) and GOD FORBID she didnt take you into consideration or other people who are struggling. when clearly she was excited. Apparently God doesnt think her kids are a burden to bless her with another one. My kids are gifts, each one has taught me many things. Q is now a case study for this disorder. Is it a burden for all the appts, heel pokes, dr calls questions being constantly asked giving permission to talk about his case? Yes it is a burden but is sure as hell worth it. He is helping these dr's come up with new ways to detect treat and not really find a cure, but better ways to treat it while the mom is pregnant and after baby is here.
Holy Hell!
MY SON is amiracle and the only burden he is to me when he isnt laughing or smiling? i dont like it when he isnt smiling or crying thats my burden as a parent, seeing your child sad and not happy.
what did you expect exactly when you posted this on this forum? pity? the "oh im sorry" we have to tip toe around you because we have kids and we make light hearted comments? Like someone else has stated on her, until you have experienced it. then dont be so damn judgemental. I couldnt talk about my pregnancies around my SIL why? cuz i felt bad. I wanted to tell her how they were kicking or jumping around etc, i couldnt bring myself to do it because of the hurt i could see in her eyes. SO dont be telling me that im being cold hearted or non understanding. I HAVE SEEN first hand how infertility affects families. It had ours. THATS why i offered to carry a child for her and her husband. gee, since im so cold hearted and non understanding and after i told why my burdens were the pregnancies NOT THE BABY i would put myself through that just so they can experience being parents. The end prize? A baby for them.
Sorry for being so unfeeling towards people who have infertility issues. I guess I dont know what it does to the "other side" of the family that has to see the people they love and care for be torn apart with each negative preg test, each procedure of "they said this will work" just for it not too. ttesting more testing, 10s of thousands of dollars for IVF etc... Have you looked at it from HER perspective? or have you just been thinking about yourselves?
I am sorry that you have expeienced miscarriages and loss its hard thing to deal with. feel like its your fault deep down you know its not, seeing everyone with strollers and baby this and baby that. You know whats hard? my first miscarriage was with Q;s dad when I was 19. His daughter that he had with someone else who got pregnant 5mos after my loss, all i think is about how and what the baby i loss would look like, etc..kinda like how infertile couples look at every passing baby etc...oh i wonder if she/he would have my eyes, haircolor straight curly....
seriously are you DONE yet? 
I appreciate the feedback and knew what I was getting myself into by posting this, but come on, your replies are a bit rediculous. I can't even get through them because they are so rambling and run-on.
Good Luck to you, I honestly hope your future pregnancies are not such "burdens" to you.
that is all...
I appreciate the feedback and knew what I was getting myself into by posting this, but come on, your replies are a bit rediculous. I can't even get through them because they are so rambling and run-on.
Good Luck to you, I honestly hope your future pregnancies are not such "burdens" to you.
that is all...
'...if you are struggling to have a baby, goto the infertility forums if you want to be "coddled".'
I'm not getting into the fuss about what the SIL said...I get that she was most likely joking, though in a way that a lot of people find in bad taste. To each their own.
That said...your comment quoted above was not just bad taste...it's cruel and thoughtless. This is a pregnancy forum...and unfortunately, too many of us have learned that pregnancy has many meanings.
Pregnancy: Something a lot of women on this forum experience easily
Pregnancy: Something a lot of women are in the process of trying for.
Pregnancy: Something a lot of women on this forum are good at becoming...for a few weeks.
Pregnancy: Something a lot of women on this forum are good at failing....failing to obtain, failing to maintain.
My perception of this board is that it is not just a pregnancy board...it's also an infertility board - because unfortunately, often times, pregnancy and infertility go hand in hand. Infertility is not just the inability to GET pregnant...it's also the inability to STAY pregnant. The fact that I - or any other woman who has fertility issues - whether it's the getting pregnant or the staying pregnant - comes here does NOT mean we're asking to be 'coddled.' It means we're looking for answers, looking for someone else who's 'been there done that' and understands what the hell we're going through, because God knows we often don't understand it ourselves, and most of our friends/family don't really 'get it' either unless they're in the same boat.
That said, rather than tellling those of us facing fertility issues to go elsewhere for our 'coddling,' I'd tell you and anyone else who wants to keep your rose colored glasses on in thinking that every pregnancy results in a baby - and that pregnancy and infertility are two separate issues - deactivate from all forums and not discuss babies or pregnancy with anyone...because doing so will yank those glasses off you in a heartbeat.
Enjoy your four beautiful kids...and be thankful you haven't had the need of 'coddling' due to fertility issues.
I'm not getting into the fuss about what the SIL said...I get that she was most likely joking, though in a way that a lot of people find in bad taste. To each their own.
That said...your comment quoted above was not just bad taste...it's cruel and thoughtless. This is a pregnancy forum...and unfortunately, too many of us have learned that pregnancy has many meanings.
Pregnancy: Something a lot of women on this forum experience easily
Pregnancy: Something a lot of women are in the process of trying for.
Pregnancy: Something a lot of women on this forum are good at becoming...for a few weeks.
Pregnancy: Something a lot of women on this forum are good at failing....failing to obtain, failing to maintain.
My perception of this board is that it is not just a pregnancy board...it's also an infertility board - because unfortunately, often times, pregnancy and infertility go hand in hand. Infertility is not just the inability to GET pregnant...it's also the inability to STAY pregnant. The fact that I - or any other woman who has fertility issues - whether it's the getting pregnant or the staying pregnant - comes here does NOT mean we're asking to be 'coddled.' It means we're looking for answers, looking for someone else who's 'been there done that' and understands what the hell we're going through, because God knows we often don't understand it ourselves, and most of our friends/family don't really 'get it' either unless they're in the same boat.
That said, rather than tellling those of us facing fertility issues to go elsewhere for our 'coddling,' I'd tell you and anyone else who wants to keep your rose colored glasses on in thinking that every pregnancy results in a baby - and that pregnancy and infertility are two separate issues - deactivate from all forums and not discuss babies or pregnancy with anyone...because doing so will yank those glasses off you in a heartbeat.
Enjoy your four beautiful kids...and be thankful you haven't had the need of 'coddling' due to fertility issues.
Holly
January 2008,
July 2008
December 2008
July 2009
September 2010
July 2011
Mom to Khaled
Little Angel 8/14/09 ectopic 
it is your rant which means this is for you to express yourself.
I have a 4 year old son and as a prev poster has said when you become a mommy heck even when you arent a parent you have got to learn to roll with the punches so to say. everyone's humor is different. i throw jokes out about almost everything in life. sometimes you have to LAUGH TO KEEP FROM CRYING lol. My husband, my family and my friends also joke about pretty much everything in life. There is enough crap going on in everyone's life to be serious all the time. Some think "joking" about pregnancy isnt right, but a lot of different people think joking about a lot of different subjects isnt right. I am sarcastic as heck and everyone who knows me, knows this...including everyone on my FB and I have over 600 "friends"
I am also pretty much struggling with secondary infertility that is male factor and my best friend who was on the IUD got an OOPS baby.... I will not allow my personal issues affect someone else's life and their issues. Two different books by 1 great author. She wanted to abort but ended up having a miscarriage. I was sad she had a miscarriage and wanted to abort but I am still her best friend (12 years strong lol) and we joked about her getting pregnant and me struggling. Some may find that offensive but it works for us. it works for me.
Different Strokes for Different Folks!
But this is YOUR rant so let it out, its okay!!! there's a lot of things that IRK all of us :)
Sorry So Long lol
I have a 4 year old son and as a prev poster has said when you become a mommy heck even when you arent a parent you have got to learn to roll with the punches so to say. everyone's humor is different. i throw jokes out about almost everything in life. sometimes you have to LAUGH TO KEEP FROM CRYING lol. My husband, my family and my friends also joke about pretty much everything in life. There is enough crap going on in everyone's life to be serious all the time. Some think "joking" about pregnancy isnt right, but a lot of different people think joking about a lot of different subjects isnt right. I am sarcastic as heck and everyone who knows me, knows this...including everyone on my FB and I have over 600 "friends"
I am also pretty much struggling with secondary infertility that is male factor and my best friend who was on the IUD got an OOPS baby.... I will not allow my personal issues affect someone else's life and their issues. Two different books by 1 great author. She wanted to abort but ended up having a miscarriage. I was sad she had a miscarriage and wanted to abort but I am still her best friend (12 years strong lol) and we joked about her getting pregnant and me struggling. Some may find that offensive but it works for us. it works for me.
Different Strokes for Different Folks!
But this is YOUR rant so let it out, its okay!!! there's a lot of things that IRK all of us :)
Sorry So Long lol
Facebook postings/announcements can be tacky and are especially dangerous when you haven't told family and close friends about your happy news first. My sister-in-law found out we were engaged via FB and was not pleased at all. That was DH's fault as he had told me that his family was all "in the know," when posted something related to wedding planning 2 weeks after we were engaged. I did feel terrible.
I haven't read all of the replies to your post, but I also worry about those people whom she counts as "friends" on FB. I am sure she has loads. I have many but am only good friends with a few of them. How many of her FB "friends" might be struggling with infertility? Waiting for their turn to marry and start a family?
However misguided her posting, she is obviously busting at the seams to share her news with the world. Be loving aunt, knowing that she is a good mom, and remember how important it is to tell all close family and friends before telling the world when it is your turn. We learn from our own and other people's mistakes and misdirections.
Congrats on the addition to your family and good luck in your own journey.
Jenn
I haven't read all of the replies to your post, but I also worry about those people whom she counts as "friends" on FB. I am sure she has loads. I have many but am only good friends with a few of them. How many of her FB "friends" might be struggling with infertility? Waiting for their turn to marry and start a family?
However misguided her posting, she is obviously busting at the seams to share her news with the world. Be loving aunt, knowing that she is a good mom, and remember how important it is to tell all close family and friends before telling the world when it is your turn. We learn from our own and other people's mistakes and misdirections.
Congrats on the addition to your family and good luck in your own journey.
Jenn
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