Baby shower - to have, or not to have? Please advise.

Alright ladies....what are your thoughts on having a baby shower for your second child?  

Honestly, maybe it's because I'm originally from the south or something, but I never saw having more than one baby shower as being "tacky" or "selfish."  My DH and I had decided that we wouldn't be having one for this child, but quite a few friends and family have asked "when's the shower?"  Fast-forward to the other day.  I'm chatting with my girlfriend and she asks if I'm having one...I told her no and that most of my friends and family live far away so they wouldn't be able to throw me one.  She then intimates that it would be tacky and as if I am expecting others to pay for my baby...and that I don't deserve another one.  I was taken aback...first because I feel that showers are for more than just receiving gifts, and two, that SHE of all people would say something like that considering I had just thrown her a baby shower last year AND she has been gladly taking all of my son's hand-me-downs for the past three years for her nephews and her new son.  It's my fault that I've given everything away and will have to buy everything again, but geez...  My first shower happened when I had first moved to NY and knew no one...so a couple people showed up.  None of the gifts we received costed more than $15-20 and we weren't expecting anything more.  No one has ever bought big ticket items for us, though we have bought them for others.

Anyway, she's got me annoyed.  Because what if I did want to have a shower?  Would it be so wrong for me to want to have a shower this time around to celebrate this pregnancy?  I'm realizing that I really don't know the etiquette about it and I'm struggling with how annoyed I am by it....maybe it's just the hormones, but I found myself in tears about it today! :(

The only rule of thumb I would stand by is, don't host your own shower. But if someone offers to have one for you, great. From what I see on the Bump, people expect them to be a little toned down with no extravagant registries. I think it's a great way to get a group of people together that are excited about the new baby. If someone is offended about being invited, well....they can just keep their uptight behinds home :)
If no one offers to throw you one you can always have a "meet the baby" open house after it comes. Most likely everyone will bring some sort of gift.
P.S I would not give your friend any more hand-me-downs...

Word.

I plan on having another.  I know people want to throw me one.  It will deff be scaled down though, since we already have a lot of the essentials.  I would go for it

We also are getting most of the essentials...scaling down sounds good.

I had my second two years after my first, and I was thrown a suprise shower by all of my mom's coworkers. Now, I don't know if it was because of my cir****tances (my ex had thrown me out when I found out I was pregnant and was mid-divorce) or if they just wanted to do it. I appreciated it beyond belief, but I hadn;t expected it since it was another boy, and my son was only two. With my daughter my mom mentioned having a shower, since it was a different gender. Well, little girl came too soon for that to happen. I agree with Chelle, if someone offers by all means go for it. A shower doesn't have to be about the gifts, it can just be a way to celebrate new life!

Exactly!  :)

This is my second baby and I WILL be having 2 baby showers. My son is 10 and we are sooo excited, so is everyone else. I say go for it! :-)

Thanks!  Congrats and I hope my boy (will be 4yrs) will get excited about his little brother! :)

I just went to a baby shower for the mom's 3rd baby.. and all babies were boys. It was smaller than any other type of shower I have been to before. Just held at the MIL's house. Some finger food and it only lasted about 2 hours. We did play silly games and talk baby stuff. I see no problem with it. If I don't want to buy big items.. guess what.. I don't buy them. Instead of putting a new car seat she asked for a booster for her middle child and will use the old car seat for the new one.

I think it is the tone of the mother to be. If they seem to expect alot and demand alot than it annoys me. But that goes for first time moms too.