Worried my son will hate his sibling or me if I get PG ..

When we first started talking about having another baby my son was overjoyed but now he hates the idea and even gets angry and jealous when we mention it. Yesterday at the Ped. he got upset with me when I gave a baby attention.

After the miscarriages, his whole outlook of a sibling has changed. I blame myself for involving him in the pregnancy so early but I couldn't have known how they would turn out. He has experienced too much loss for a 6 year old. He used to say "Mommy would be happy if she could just have a baby." Now he hates the idea of us expanding our family. I asure him all the time that daddy and I have enough love for everyone but he and i are SO close I know he's scared of me giving attention to another baby. It was absolute hell between the three of us for awhile. Things are finally getting back to "normal."

I'm so torn. I feel like im allowing my son to make the decision for me. I told my husband last night that if we got pregnant we should start family therapy to help him transition. And we talk about it we have to be secretive and whisper. Is that crazy? Has anyone been through this? Any suggestions would help. Thanks!

With my first 2 I spaced them 5 years apart on purpose because I wanted plenty of time for my first baby. He went through stages of hating and being happy when I was pregnant. I took it as an age thing because he was that way with a lot of things but the one thing I noticed was his baby brother as I was baking him. When the doctor mentioned it I did start seeing that his whole outlook on more than one thing was that way. :) He liked power rangers one day thought they were stupid and dumb the next. Loved chicken then said it was disgusting. Our doctor said to just let him vent some and not give too much attention to it. Problem was I gave him a lot of power by that time. He knew it also. So if he wanted something he knew how to manipulate it and get it. If he did not want to do it he just did the opposite.
Its hard either way. Now when I had my daughter in 09 my oldest who is 17 now said he wanted nothing to do with this baby and blah blah blah. So I said ok and went about doing what I did and ackowledged what he said but did nothing different and was just as excited no matter what. Now mind you this is my son calling the baby a parasite and saying how can you love something you dont know and all. Now in all this he was questioning more than being mean or rude if you know what I mean. He likes answers. lol. When she came no big deal to him. NOW as she is getting older and learning to do things and all...he wants to go in the room first when she wakes up from naps when he is home. He carries her around and makes her laugh all the time. He also does a dumb dance in front of her that makes her laugh everytime and he finds that funny. He is fascinated on things she learns and loves when he teaches her stuff.
So when he was 5 and we expected a baby I felt bad and tried to fix his feelings and paid a lot of attention to it. Not saying to not ackowledge it but maybe just kind of little less. With my last daughter I just said ok and went on about my business and he pays attention to her and actually finds her amusing. So either way it turned out fine. He loves his brother and sister.
Now this time with the twins....we shall see :) but he still says whatever and he wont change diapers. DUH!! LOL LOL

Thanks Shannyn, I appreciate you sharing your perspective on things ..

I am in a similar boat..my daughter is going to turn 7 about 2 weeks after the baby is born...we went thru fertility for her..infact my husband had cancer before I met him and the doctors were amazed that he was able to get me pregnant at all with fertility.  So we have doted on abby since we never thought there would be another baby.  I lost 160lbs with the gastric bypass, had my panniliectomy done in may and found out I was newly pregnant in july.  At first abby thought it was great, but now that I am getting closer, I find her wanted more attention...asking me to "wipe" her again after going to the bathroom..even pee!!  I actually brought her to a sibling preperation class last night and she thought it was "stupid"  It will be interesting!!  Good luck to you!

I would definitely encourage you to get him some therapy to help prepare him for the changes that can take place. I am going through some similar as well. I adopted my first child (he's now 9) as a single parent from foster care. A few years after I adopted him, he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome and reactive attachment disorder. His biological mother was also a cocaine addict, so I'm inclined to think that if she didn't stop drinking while pregnant, why would she also stop smoking crack? He was put in foster care due to neglect and he is super-duper clingy towards me. I've had him in therapy since he was 4 years old because of his various issues, and I've seen TONS of positive effects from it. Now I am 11 weeks pregnant and he's not too fond of babies. His issue is that he demands a lot of attention, and doesn't relate well with others. Whenever we are around a baby, he ignores them or says he doesn't like babies. My son has known for almost a month that I am pregnant, and at first, he didn't want to talk about. Just a few days ago, he asked me why I've quit drinking coffee and I explained that to him (which led to a talk about umbilical cords). This was the first time he's ever shown any interest in this pregnancy. I told him I was glad that he asked, and that if he ever has any more questions I would love to answer those for him.

This is my first pregnancy, and I've never wanted anything more than the experience of having a baby. I suppose it's very common for children to resent a new sibling coming into the family, but with therapy and guidance from his parents, your son ought to get used to it with time.