Is a healthy baby ALL that matters??

Please watch what you say.  I don't know the situation, but this really rubs me the wrong way.  My sister had a traumatic vaginal birth with my nephew and he has cerebral palsy and is delayed.  She certainly wasn't trying for some unrealistic "stunt birth" - her DOCTORS dropped the ball and her child suffered for it.  But despite that, my nephew has a decent life and is an adult now and certainly not miserable despite his disabilities.

re-read it... i wasnt speaking of your sister.. i was speaking of a call i had... and the kid did have a crappy life...

Yeah, I get that, but you really don't see where what you wrote could come off as pretty offensive to mothers of kids with CP?  I don't know what kind of call you got and how you know the mother is a selfish *****  She couldn't have performed a cesarean on herself or anything.

here is the story... 2.5 yoa having a 5 min seizure... 5 mins is a very long time for anyone to be having a seizure.. esp a kid with such extreeme disabilities...ok so as i was talking to the mother i asked her about his medical back ground... he has cp... she said "he had a tramatic birth and i wouldnt allow for a c-section, his twin is fine and healthy.. thats him running around over there" ... see? shes a selfish ***** anyway.. i dont feel like i need to explain further to you...she has 6 kids.. an asshole husband ( *****fused to come home because she thought she was tricking him) ... not everyone always has their brains together. unfortunally.

Listen, unbunch your panties.  No need to be so defensive.  It makes a lot more sense in the context you put it in and I can understand you thinking she sucks.

I've been thinking about this a lot.  I was very traumatized by my first child's birth.  Then I had PPD and couldn't stop obsessing about it and how scary it had been.  I had epidural failure during my c-section and then several other complications.  My daughter had to go to NICU, I had a bad wound complication and then when we got home we lost power for days but couldn't leave because I needed to be at our house for home health visits.  It was a really difficult time and it hurt for months, then kind of echoed for years, if that makes sense.  I had to let go of a lot of pain to have my second child, but I'm so glad it went smoother this time and we were both healthy and I am mentally healthy too.  At one point, I think this article would have resonated with me, but I look at birth in a very different way now after hearing some worst-case scenario births.

Hi

I myself can't relate to a c-section, but I can relate to a healthy baby is all that matters.

I begged for a c-section ( which is very hard to get at my hospital) for weeks I begged. I had HELLP and PIH my daughter was sitting high and did not drop.  I got a call at 11pm at night after going in to the hospital after my family GP called up and sent me there due to her heartrate dropping and her not moving.The hospital just said she was sleeping. My bloodtests had come back at dangerous levels. Still they wouldn't give me the c-section I asked for ( a section was not what I wanted far from it scared that crap out of me but I wanted a healthy baby). After still being told no they induced me. After a very pain labor and being squashed with my knees to my shoulders by 4 medical staff no less than 11 other staff waiting for my daughter to be born. We had a limp, the darkest blue/purple non crying little girl be born. We had a priest out side the room waiting to give her last rights. They worked on her for over 5min and she started to grunt not breath grunt. Hannah has disabilities and is on meds to help her. Hannah would scream when touched for the first 13weeks of her life like it was painful. I was covered in bruises on my back ,legs and tummy from where they pushed on me to get her out and a bruised diaphram that I need oxygen for 3 days. I have not bonded with Hannah like I did with my others and even trying to get close to her now is hard not because I don't love her I do with all my heart. Hannah can't stand to have people touch or be near her. It took her until she was 5 before she gave me my first cuddle from her.We worry no stop about who will help her when we are gone. So yes after what what happened with my daughter and knowing the life she will now liveI do myself believe a healthy baby is all that matters.

Best wishes
Crystal

Crystal,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It had me in tears, but your experience will contribute to everyone who is reading it. I really wish you and your little girl the best. (((hugs)))

I'm so glad to see that I am not the only one. I guess I am a little jaded bc after 8 yrs TTC it didn't matter if they strung me up naked and did the c/s in front of the whole town...I was going to have a baby and doing what was best for him was my priority. Every woman has a right to her own feelings... but to me yeah it wasn't ideal ( and I knew from the beginning I was having a c/s...I have had hip pins since I was 12) but it was necessary. As mothers/parents we sacrifice alot for our kids and hardly anything goes as planned and if you look at it the birth of our babies is important but it's only a glitch in a lifetime of happiness. I'm not trying to invalidate anyones feelings but to me a healthy baby is all it's about. Yeah I was sad that I didn't get to experience labor and have those first few moments to bond with baby...but I have a baby a health baby so I don't care if  his birth wasn't "ideal" bc to behonest most things in life never work out to be "ideal". I'm sure it's different when you aren't prepared for it ( I had 9 months to get used to the idea) but people rally have to know that it's always a possibility. And like I said maybe I'm more on the conservative side in the fact that I'd rather be safe than sorry. I know I may get flamed for this but I am not a fan of home births for this very reason. I know that people have babies at home everyday and most doing it sucessfully...I know that people argue that it's the was it's been done for centuries I get that...but it's also how alot of babies died are were disabled not bc people were being careless but bc they had no other option. So why when we live in a time where help is available do we still turn away from it? Sorry I kinda got off topic there..lol. I know how bad a VBAC can go. I have a cousin who was trying for a VBAC and her uterus ruptured and she lost her baby...her full term baby bc they couldn't get her to surgery quick enough. Most VBAC's go off without a hitch but some don't ...and it's that small percentage that makes me leery. I know it's a small minority but however many it was those women didn't go home with their baby and I'm sure if you were to ask them now they would wish they had done things differently...but in this you don't get any "do overs". It's just too big a risk especially when your childs life is at stake. I applaud women who desire a VBAC and do it..but don't go into your VBAC birth and not keep in mind that a repeat c/s may be in your future and please don't refuse another c/s bc you are determined not to have one.  It's those people who are selfish in my opinion..bc it' really not about you and your experience. And refusing intervention should be child abuse in my book. OK I just realized I wrote novel ( sorry) but to me it is all about a healthy baby. Bc what do you want more, an "ideal" birth experience or a healthy baby...the choice should be simple.

I would never sacrifice my child's health to fulfill MY birth experience.  But I also hate when people tell me "well at least she is healthy right" because yes, she is healthy.  And even though I would not trade that for the world, no one understands that not being able to deliver vaginally does something to a woman.  It made me feel inadequate, weak, and I felt like I just "had a baby" not "gave birth."  I honestly feel like it took me a little longer to bond and fall in love with her than it would have had she came naturally and was put on my chest right away.  Instead, I didn't get to see her for about 20 minutes.  No one said "o she's here she's perfect" I just had to wait to hear her cry.  I couldn't get up and change her diaper the next day because I was in so much pain.  I didn't get to breast feed right away because I was having an allergic reaction to the propafal they gave me accidentally during the procedure. 

Next time I am going to try for a vbac, there is no way I will go in for a scheduled c-section.  But I will not refuse a c-section if I need one.  There is significant risk of repeat c-sections, and a risk with a vbac.  Both are dangerous.  A woman can have a uterine rupture while never having a c-section before.  That is not enough to stop me from trying.

Thanks for everyones responses.  I found this womans reaction very intersting.