Is a healthy baby ALL that matters??
womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2010/03/is-healthy-baby-all-tha t-matters.html
Thursday, March 4, 2010
9:31 PM | 
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A guest post by Andrea Owen from Live Your Ideal Life.
Is a healthy baby ALL that matters?
Once upon a time I was a clueless woman, pregnant with my first child. Sitting in my childbirth class only half listening to the teacher talk about cesarean section. I thought, “They have to cut through FOUR layers to get to the baby? Yuk! At least I don’t have to worry about that." And continued daydreaming about my first born’s birth. Out of my vagina. Just like that.
Sitting in my obstetrician’s office at 36 weeks pregnant, as we both looked at the familiar beautiful skeleton on the ultrasound he casually said, “Yep, looks like he’s still breech. We’ll schedule your c-section for 39 weeks". Again, just like that. I could almost hear the sound of screeching breaks in my head. I was not going down without (what I thought was) a fight. I asked, “Can’t I birth him this way?" He explained that it was monumentally dangerous, and in fact none of the 14 OB’s in rotation would do it. I was told I had no other option. None. Basically I felt like my vagina would suddenly explode all over the delivery room if I wanted to deliver a breech baby. I asked if I could wait until I went into labor on my own, then come in for the section. What if my son needed to gestate to 42 weeks? No, again. Pretty much all my power was stripped from me and I was made to feel that this was my only option. I asked no additional questions. I was beyond devastated, confused, didn’t know who to talk to and was terrified. I had never even had a cavity filled, never a bone broken. And yet I was about to have major abdominal surgery to remove my child from me. I didn’t get to give birth like my mother had 3 times, like my grandmother had 11 times. No stories of moaning, pushing, sweating, baby being put on my chest to nurse right away as I wept with joy. Nope. The next day, my water broke. My son was born 4 hours later via cesarean section. A great OB was on staff and the rest of the staff was nice as well. Did that make it great? No. For almost two years I held it all in. People would inquire about my son’s birth, I would tell them and embellish about how wonderful it was because GOD FORBID I say anything was wrong with my view of his birth! I had a healthy baby, and that’s all that matters.... When my son was 15 months old I got pregnant with our second child. I was hell-bent on having a vaginal birth (VBAC). It was somewhat of a battle (the journey is here), but I hired a doula, educated myself about birth and VBAC. The more I researched and the more I talked to people about birth, I kept hearing, “Well, it doesn’t matter how you deliver. A healthy baby is all that matters". And I found myself starting to say this mantra too. But, deep inside, I was screaming. Screaming in emotional pain from my son’s birth. Screaming that I felt it was a violent and unnatural way for him to come into the world. Cursing myself for not being more educated and knowing my options. But, I kept my trap shut. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings that had a decent experience with their c-section, or anyone else for that matter that felt they needed to give me their 2 cents. And by the way, I know that c-section saves lives. I don’t need to be reminded. After all, we’re all mothers doing the best we can. And at the end of the day, a healthy baby is. All. That. Matters. The day came and I successfully birthed my daughter and proudly wore the badge: VBAC. (click here for her birth story). Four days later at home, a particular female family member (who will remain nameless) called and I began telling her my daughters birth story. (This family member is a labor and delivery nurse for over 20 years. She told me once when I was about 5 months pregnant (and I didn’t ask) that she thought it would be best if I have a repeat c-section and not endanger my daughter by having a VBAC). So, I began telling her my story and she suddenly interrupts me, “I read your blog. The one about Colton’s birth. I think your story is an insult to my profession!"
Oh. No. She. Just. Didn’t. But, wait, she wasn’t done: “You have two healthy babies! DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE?!?!?" And that’s what pushed me over the edge. I was tired of accepting the “Who-gives-a-****about-your-feelings-you’re-just-the-incubator-anyway" attitude. I was tired of the “Is it selfish?" question about VBAC. I’m not going to get into the facts about the safety of VBAC or the risks of multiple c-section, but rather the misinformation, the lack of education is what really ****** me off. When you don’t know what you don’t know, ignorance is bliss. Like me when I was ignorant and pregnant with my first. It’s what I see over and over again. Most mothers trust their medical staff, their obstetricians. They listen to horror stories at baby showers and watch crap shows like “A Baby Story" and “Birthday" on TLC (And they call themselves The Learning Channel. What a joke!). They fear birth and let doctors induce, allowing a cascade of interventions, usually ending in cesarean section. They give up control of their bodies, their babies, their birth. So, what happens over and over again are cesarean sections that are difficult (at best) for the mother. But, she’s pushed aside to lick her wounds herself. Hushed. Coupled with the fact that many times the husband sees a healthy baby and physically healthy mother. All is good in his eyes. Time passes and she says nothing. I canno****ch a cesarean being performed on TV without having a physical reaction. I cry, not happy tears one usually cries when seeing a baby born, but tears of remembering my own traumatic experience. The curtain. The mom strapped down, flat on her back. The staff and husband in head to toe scrubs. The huge surgery light above. The baby is pulled out, tended to, wrapped up and showed to the mother. If she’s lucky she can lift her head just enough to give her newborn babe a kiss. I mean, she’ll have the rest of her life with him, that's enough isn’t it? Isn’t it??? It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed to say I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from my cesarean. I don't blame my OB. it is what it is. Lots of women have feelings about their traumatic birth, cesarean or even vaginal, and are afraid to voice them. It’s time to talk about it. It won’t get better on it’s own, bottled up. There’s always someone that has it worse than me or you. I know there are women that can’t get pregnant. Or that have miscarriage after miscarriage. I personally know women like this. My heart breaks for them. But that doesn’t mean that my feelings about my son’s birth or your feelings about your child’s birth are any less legitimate or valid. Whether you chose to talk about them to your therapist, mom, husband or spew your feelings on a blog, TALK about them. Because what matters, is your mental and emotional health. THAT’S what matters! It matters to you, your family and to the health of your baby.
By Andrea Owen from Live Your Ideal Life
Andrea Owen is a blogger, Life Coach, birth activist, VBACtivist and lactivist. Self esteem and body image activist, empowering women and girls, eating disorder awareness, loving wife and semi crunchy mom. All while being a kick ass lady. You can read more from her here: http://liveyourideallife.blogspot.com
"Be the type of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says, "Oh crap! She's up!"
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Is a healthy baby ALL that matters?
9:31 PM | Edit Post
A guest post by Andrea Owen from Live Your Ideal Life.
Is a healthy baby ALL that matters?
Once upon a time I was a clueless woman, pregnant with my first child. Sitting in my childbirth class only half listening to the teacher talk about cesarean section. I thought, “They have to cut through FOUR layers to get to the baby? Yuk! At least I don’t have to worry about that." And continued daydreaming about my first born’s birth. Out of my vagina. Just like that.
Sitting in my obstetrician’s office at 36 weeks pregnant, as we both looked at the familiar beautiful skeleton on the ultrasound he casually said, “Yep, looks like he’s still breech. We’ll schedule your c-section for 39 weeks". Again, just like that. I could almost hear the sound of screeching breaks in my head. I was not going down without (what I thought was) a fight. I asked, “Can’t I birth him this way?" He explained that it was monumentally dangerous, and in fact none of the 14 OB’s in rotation would do it. I was told I had no other option. None. Basically I felt like my vagina would suddenly explode all over the delivery room if I wanted to deliver a breech baby. I asked if I could wait until I went into labor on my own, then come in for the section. What if my son needed to gestate to 42 weeks? No, again. Pretty much all my power was stripped from me and I was made to feel that this was my only option. I asked no additional questions. I was beyond devastated, confused, didn’t know who to talk to and was terrified. I had never even had a cavity filled, never a bone broken. And yet I was about to have major abdominal surgery to remove my child from me. I didn’t get to give birth like my mother had 3 times, like my grandmother had 11 times. No stories of moaning, pushing, sweating, baby being put on my chest to nurse right away as I wept with joy. Nope. The next day, my water broke. My son was born 4 hours later via cesarean section. A great OB was on staff and the rest of the staff was nice as well. Did that make it great? No. For almost two years I held it all in. People would inquire about my son’s birth, I would tell them and embellish about how wonderful it was because GOD FORBID I say anything was wrong with my view of his birth! I had a healthy baby, and that’s all that matters.... When my son was 15 months old I got pregnant with our second child. I was hell-bent on having a vaginal birth (VBAC). It was somewhat of a battle (the journey is here), but I hired a doula, educated myself about birth and VBAC. The more I researched and the more I talked to people about birth, I kept hearing, “Well, it doesn’t matter how you deliver. A healthy baby is all that matters". And I found myself starting to say this mantra too. But, deep inside, I was screaming. Screaming in emotional pain from my son’s birth. Screaming that I felt it was a violent and unnatural way for him to come into the world. Cursing myself for not being more educated and knowing my options. But, I kept my trap shut. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings that had a decent experience with their c-section, or anyone else for that matter that felt they needed to give me their 2 cents. And by the way, I know that c-section saves lives. I don’t need to be reminded. After all, we’re all mothers doing the best we can. And at the end of the day, a healthy baby is. All. That. Matters. The day came and I successfully birthed my daughter and proudly wore the badge: VBAC. (click here for her birth story). Four days later at home, a particular female family member (who will remain nameless) called and I began telling her my daughters birth story. (This family member is a labor and delivery nurse for over 20 years. She told me once when I was about 5 months pregnant (and I didn’t ask) that she thought it would be best if I have a repeat c-section and not endanger my daughter by having a VBAC). So, I began telling her my story and she suddenly interrupts me, “I read your blog. The one about Colton’s birth. I think your story is an insult to my profession!"
Oh. No. She. Just. Didn’t. But, wait, she wasn’t done: “You have two healthy babies! DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE?!?!?" And that’s what pushed me over the edge. I was tired of accepting the “Who-gives-a-****about-your-feelings-you’re-just-the-incubator-anyway" attitude. I was tired of the “Is it selfish?" question about VBAC. I’m not going to get into the facts about the safety of VBAC or the risks of multiple c-section, but rather the misinformation, the lack of education is what really ****** me off. When you don’t know what you don’t know, ignorance is bliss. Like me when I was ignorant and pregnant with my first. It’s what I see over and over again. Most mothers trust their medical staff, their obstetricians. They listen to horror stories at baby showers and watch crap shows like “A Baby Story" and “Birthday" on TLC (And they call themselves The Learning Channel. What a joke!). They fear birth and let doctors induce, allowing a cascade of interventions, usually ending in cesarean section. They give up control of their bodies, their babies, their birth. So, what happens over and over again are cesarean sections that are difficult (at best) for the mother. But, she’s pushed aside to lick her wounds herself. Hushed. Coupled with the fact that many times the husband sees a healthy baby and physically healthy mother. All is good in his eyes. Time passes and she says nothing. I canno****ch a cesarean being performed on TV without having a physical reaction. I cry, not happy tears one usually cries when seeing a baby born, but tears of remembering my own traumatic experience. The curtain. The mom strapped down, flat on her back. The staff and husband in head to toe scrubs. The huge surgery light above. The baby is pulled out, tended to, wrapped up and showed to the mother. If she’s lucky she can lift her head just enough to give her newborn babe a kiss. I mean, she’ll have the rest of her life with him, that's enough isn’t it? Isn’t it??? It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed to say I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from my cesarean. I don't blame my OB. it is what it is. Lots of women have feelings about their traumatic birth, cesarean or even vaginal, and are afraid to voice them. It’s time to talk about it. It won’t get better on it’s own, bottled up. There’s always someone that has it worse than me or you. I know there are women that can’t get pregnant. Or that have miscarriage after miscarriage. I personally know women like this. My heart breaks for them. But that doesn’t mean that my feelings about my son’s birth or your feelings about your child’s birth are any less legitimate or valid. Whether you chose to talk about them to your therapist, mom, husband or spew your feelings on a blog, TALK about them. Because what matters, is your mental and emotional health. THAT’S what matters! It matters to you, your family and to the health of your baby.
By Andrea Owen from Live Your Ideal Life
Andrea Owen is a blogger, Life Coach, birth activist, VBACtivist and lactivist. Self esteem and body image activist, empowering women and girls, eating disorder awareness, loving wife and semi crunchy mom. All while being a kick ass lady. You can read more from her here: http://liveyourideallife.blogspot.com
"Be the type of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says, "Oh crap! She's up!"
MY WLS RECIPE BLOG! -- Check it out http://plusizedbarbie.blogspot.com/
Changed for good
...september 17, 2007...
Changed for good
...september 17, 2007...
I stumbled upon this yesterday. Describes my feeling to a T. thought it was important to share.
MY WLS RECIPE BLOG! -- Check it out http://plusizedbarbie.blogspot.com/
Changed for good
...september 17, 2007...
Changed for good
...september 17, 2007...
My DS
This was very interesting! Thanks for sharing! My thoughts on it: First and foremost, it is so sad that her family member undermined her choice for a VBAC. That was completely uncalled for!!! I am 23 weeks pregnant and would love to think that I will be able to have a vaginal birth.....I actually even plan on one without an epidural. I hope I won't need an epidural.....but I sure might need/want one. I hope I don't need a C-section.....but I might need one. Wouldnt be my "ideal" birth, but for someone who has waited 8 years for a baby, in my world a healthy baby IS all that matters.... Just my opinion and definitely not wanting to offend anyone.
Leslie
Though I do believe that c-sections are highly over used - way more than are truly needed - they do serve a purpose, obviously. I personally have friends who are pregnant and begging for a c-section because they're afraid of the vaginal birth...they just want to be 'knocked out and wake up to their baby.' Too often, doctors will find a way to go along with that...disregarding the fact that the c-section is a major surgery and any surgery can have serious complications...and should only be used for certain cir****tances. I think - just my opinion - that doctors now days push more for c-sections for any little thing that can be 'wrong,' (ie breech) because they don't want to risk a problem with the vaginal birth, no matter how minor, so they don't get sued.
I do not think that anyone - family or friend - should stick their unsolicited two cents in, or get their panties in a knot - over a woman's choice to try for a VBAC...or if your dr is telling you there's a reason to have a c-section and someone's anti-c-section...your birth with your baby...is your business.
Regardless of what your (general you, not specific to anyone) desire is for birth...in the long run, though...a healthy baby is the most important thing....even if the birth mother does end up with PTSD...I'd take PTSD and a healthy baby over the alternative.
I do not think that anyone - family or friend - should stick their unsolicited two cents in, or get their panties in a knot - over a woman's choice to try for a VBAC...or if your dr is telling you there's a reason to have a c-section and someone's anti-c-section...your birth with your baby...is your business.
Regardless of what your (general you, not specific to anyone) desire is for birth...in the long run, though...a healthy baby is the most important thing....even if the birth mother does end up with PTSD...I'd take PTSD and a healthy baby over the alternative.
Holly
January 2008,
July 2008
December 2008
July 2009
September 2010
July 2011
Mom to Khaled
I agree with Holly.
While it's BS that people think that their opinon is important in these kinds of personal matters... I personally feel that yes, a healthy baby is all that matters. People may not agree with me, but here's my take on it.
I would die... if I felt that something I did resulted in harm to my unborn child. While I was planning to try for a VBAC with this pregnancy (not happening anymore) I was aware of the risks and constraints. A VBAC isn't really dangerous to the baby... it is however, some risk to the mom. Those risks I was willing to take. However, I knew that there was a chance that it wouldn't work out and I had to be prepared mentally for that.
I have worked for several years with disabled adults. People who do have Cerebral Palsy.. etc. as a result of problems in their births. Prolapsed cords, lack of oxygen, etc. These people are adults now and thechnology and medicine have come a long way in preventing these kinds of birth related birth defects and c-sections do help. While I agree the 'designer birth' trend isn't good... I believe that if there is a real medical reason to have c-section... the mother should have one.
I've had PTSD from a very violent abusive relationship. I even had to be medicated for it.... you can live with it and you can get over it. But having to look in the face of the child that you harmed by refusing to have c-section when it was medically necessary.... that in my opinon is as bad as doing drugs while pregnant. I don't understant how someone could live with themselves.
Again, this is just my opinon.... but yes, a healthy child is all that matters. they deserve the best chance at life.
While it's BS that people think that their opinon is important in these kinds of personal matters... I personally feel that yes, a healthy baby is all that matters. People may not agree with me, but here's my take on it.
I would die... if I felt that something I did resulted in harm to my unborn child. While I was planning to try for a VBAC with this pregnancy (not happening anymore) I was aware of the risks and constraints. A VBAC isn't really dangerous to the baby... it is however, some risk to the mom. Those risks I was willing to take. However, I knew that there was a chance that it wouldn't work out and I had to be prepared mentally for that.
I have worked for several years with disabled adults. People who do have Cerebral Palsy.. etc. as a result of problems in their births. Prolapsed cords, lack of oxygen, etc. These people are adults now and thechnology and medicine have come a long way in preventing these kinds of birth related birth defects and c-sections do help. While I agree the 'designer birth' trend isn't good... I believe that if there is a real medical reason to have c-section... the mother should have one.
I've had PTSD from a very violent abusive relationship. I even had to be medicated for it.... you can live with it and you can get over it. But having to look in the face of the child that you harmed by refusing to have c-section when it was medically necessary.... that in my opinon is as bad as doing drugs while pregnant. I don't understant how someone could live with themselves.
Again, this is just my opinon.... but yes, a healthy child is all that matters. they deserve the best chance at life.
~Victoria
Victoria, I disagree with this statement: A VBAC isn't really dangerous to the baby... it is however, some risk to the mom. A VBAC is actually less risky for a mother than planned repeat cesarean, and slightly more dangerous for the baby than planned repeat cesarean. That said, I attempted a VBAC with my son this time around and it didn't work out, so we ended up with an unplanned cesarean after trial of labor, which is more dangerous than a regular planned cesarean.
At one point I would have agreed with this article, but I was coming from a place of a lot of pain. After five years, it wasn't so raw anymore and I saw a lot of birth tragedies online and in real life, as well as friends who struggled with infertility and would have given birth through their nostrils if that would have gotten them a baby. Then I could understand the phrase "At least you have a healthy baby" a lot better.
At one point I would have agreed with this article, but I was coming from a place of a lot of pain. After five years, it wasn't so raw anymore and I saw a lot of birth tragedies online and in real life, as well as friends who struggled with infertility and would have given birth through their nostrils if that would have gotten them a baby. Then I could understand the phrase "At least you have a healthy baby" a lot better.
I think the best thing a woman can do is educate herself beforehand. I agree that many doc's push C sections for convenience & timing. But I've also seen women who are so dead-set againt one that they will put themselves in unimaginable pain & fetal risk just so the birth can be "what they wanted".
For example, the recent episodeof "One Born Every Minute"....the couple who was refusing any sort of medical intervention or advice because they were determined to stick by their 15 page birth plan. 24 hours later she was severely dehydrated and still needed a bit of pitocin to help her get to 10 CM. Her husband's idea of pain relief was throwing her in the shower 4 times.
Crazy. Sometimes it doesn't work out they way you want but in the end, everyone wants a healthy baby snuggled in their arms.
For example, the recent episodeof "One Born Every Minute"....the couple who was refusing any sort of medical intervention or advice because they were determined to stick by their 15 page birth plan. 24 hours later she was severely dehydrated and still needed a bit of pitocin to help her get to 10 CM. Her husband's idea of pain relief was throwing her in the shower 4 times.
Crazy. Sometimes it doesn't work out they way you want but in the end, everyone wants a healthy baby snuggled in their arms.
M/C 10/18/10 9w2d...forever loved
It's a boy!
On February 5, 2011 at 9:11 AM Pacific Time, chelle614 wrote:
I think the best thing a woman can do is educate herself beforehand. I agree that many doc's push C sections for convenience & timing. But I've also seen women who are so dead-set againt one that they will put themselves in unimaginable pain & fetal risk just so the birth can be "what they wanted".For example, the recent episodeof "One Born Every Minute"....the couple who was refusing any sort of medical intervention or advice because they were determined to stick by their 15 page birth plan. 24 hours later she was severely dehydrated and still needed a bit of pitocin to help her get to 10 CM. Her husband's idea of pain relief was throwing her in the shower 4 times.
Crazy. Sometimes it doesn't work out they way you want but in the end, everyone wants a healthy baby snuggled in their arms.
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