Question for step parents out there??

So, I've really been having a hard time this week with stress and emotions. I'm a step mom to 3 beautiful wonderful girls we have custody of full time. However, lately I've been wondering how I'm going to juggle the love I have for them versus the love I have for my new baby that's coming. I love them unconditionally, but I'm scared I may be overly loving with my son and it will reflect in the way I interact with them.

Any of you out there that are step parents- any words of advice would be wonderful! I'm struggling with this right now and this morning I was on edge because they just wouldn't listen to me and I felt like breaking down.

Please don't get me wrong...I LOVE them with every part of me, but everyone keeps telling me it will be different with the baby...how do you juggle it? I'm planning to buy them each a t-shirt for delivery day...as I know they're so excited and all, but just curious if anyone can offer any advice???

Thanks!

Kerri,

I am step mom to 3 boys that we also have full time. My situation may be slightly different because I have raised them since they were babies, but they do have contact with the biological mothers (yes, mothers-2 different bio-mothers-long story-LOL). They are currently 18 (in 6 days), 17 and 9. I can honestly say, that I felt the same way; that I would love my bio babies more than them. However, I love all my kids exactly the same. The girls, as babies, of course had more attention because they were babies, but I do not feel any more love for my girls than I do my boys. I'm sure you'll feel the same. I made sure to include the boys in with the cares for the baby to make them feel important too. My girls are both VERY close to their brothers.

Hi there! Well, the situation is a strange one and a sad one to say the least. The girls are 11, 9 and 8 and in March of 2008 they came to live with us. My husband was in the Army and was in Iraq when CPS removed the children from their mother. They went through the foster care system and had a horrific experience. Thankfully his mom and dad took custody until his tour was over. He came home, they worked it out together, and the girls were placed back in their home. My husband went in 2007 for his second tour and he was gone a total of 4 months when CPS came in and again removed the kids from her care due to neglect and abuse. My husband and his family decided not to let CPS take the case in front of a judge and his parents again took custody. We met when he was in Iraq on the internet and when he came home in Jan of 2008, I moved to Texas to be with him. The divorce was amicable and they agreed to joint custody, but in April of this year they relocated to NC and are about 6 hours away from us. She used to call and say she was coming to visit and wouldn't show. When she found out we were expecting, she threatned to make me loose my child like I made her loose hers (even though I didn't even know any of this or was part of the picture at the time) so we have since gotten rid of our home phone and have ceased communication with her because of her instability and our fear for the well being of the kids if they were to be in her custody with no supervision from an outsider.

I think that her noninterest in their life has made it a lot harder for me as a stepmother to understand...especially now. With this baby on the way, I would never dream of putting him through what these young girls have gone through at such an early stage in life. The oldest isn't my husband's biological child either, but he has raised her since she was 8, so he refused to walk out on her and we have taken on the responsibility of giving her a life with her half sisters. She does have contact with her biological dad and spends about 3 weeks with him in the summers.

I appreciate you letting me know that even though I might have these feelings, it seems to be normal to be scared of it, but to know that it's just that- only a fear. I love these girls as if they were mine and I had accepted that they were going to be my only children..as this babe was a TOTAL surprise for us! My husband has said the loves is a different type of love, but it's not a greater love. He loves the oldest as if she were his and there's nothing he wouldn't do differently for her that he does for the other 2.

Thanks so much for your kind words and reassuring! :)

Hi,
Not a steparent but I give you a lot of credit for asking about this. I think they are old enough to realize a new baby takes a lot of time and care. Maybe take them aside before the birth and explain that you will be very busy with the new baby when he comes but it does not mean you love them any less. Maybe a couple times a month, have "girls" day out with you and just your stepdaughters...see a matinee, go to Ihop, something like that. I'm sure they will cherish the time alone with you.
Just think of the bright side....you have all those future babysitters ;)

Hey Chelle. Thanks so much! People tell me a lot that I'm a lot stronger than they could be taking these girls on and playing the motherly role, but there are easy days and there are hard ones too. I really like the idea of the "girls" days out. I think once we move to PA and are closer to my family we will have more chances to do things like that and I'm sure they would love it. The oldest is just dying to be a little babysitter and I definitely am looking forward to their help with the baby. I do however have to watch with the oldest when it comes to this because of their past. We have constantly tried to break of her her motherly role. She's always had to make up for where her mother lacked and be the "mom" to her littler sisters. After 3 years now, she's gotten much better, but I hope with the new baby all the work isn't for not and she reverts back to some of her old ways.

We've been tossing around some ideas and we explained to them tonight that with a new baby in the house, things are going to change for a little bit. For example, I want to start getting this house straightened up...possibly its my nesting instinct kicking in lol...and they do chores and we need them to kind of step up and help us...especially me...out a little more. We're planning to buy them a new tv this coming week and we're going to put the Wii in their room (with only limited access of course because I AM not and will NOT be one of those go play video games moms). We're also going to buy the plugs to hook my old laptop up to the tv so they can have more access to the internet...for things like school work and spelling websites. I think maybe showing them that we can trust them with these couple of things might help them realize we want to allow them more rights and rsponsibilities as they continue to get older.??

Wow...sorry so long...I'm in a thinker type of mode today I guess LOL 
Thanks so much!! :)

Where in PA are you moving? Milford PA is about 30 minutes from here, I have a few relatives that just built houses there.
I am of course, forever resentful because they have mcmansions for il 1/3 of what it cost to buy a house around here. LOL. People are running out of NY left & right..

It's in the Southwestern corner....about 35 minutes from Pittsburgh. I was born here but grew up there from 4-27 years old...I had a good friend who used to live in NY also and he took a run for the hills back to PA after only being there for about 2 years!!