repost from VSG forum--2 mos post op & my hubby wants a baby?!?!?!?!?!

Okay...I think he's crazy!!  But my hubby and I have been separated for a few months and are finally getting back on track with the help of much prayer!!  We are in counseling and doing fine.  That being said we've been married 6 years and just hit a really rough spot. We tried to conceive unsuccessfully for 6 years due to my weight and its been a great strain on us.  10 months won't kill us but it is an interesting topic in our home. We were talking today and he says that he thinks I look great now (I've lost 50lbs and he was happy when I was 241lbs) and AS SOON AS OUR MARRIAGE IS STABLE he's ready to start trying.  After further discussion, I realized that he doesn't want me to lose the other 50lbs that was originally my goal.  He thinks I'll be too thin.  Soooooo....I want to hear  your feedback.  I feel great and I admit that I do look great but I don't know if I should forsake my surgeon and get pregnant 4 mos post-op (not really just a general example)

Please don't be judgemental......just thought it would be a great question for discussion. 

 

Once again, I think it's crazy but what do you guys think....  JJ 

There are alot of health reasons why getting pregnant so early is a general no no. Your body is still working off hormones stored in fat.. you might not beable to make you weight stable and do not want to keep losing weight that puts you in ketosis. Making sure you vitamins are in order is also important.

Also to note.. you feel great now..enjoy the now of feeling great. You might gain back 50lbs in pregnancy. That would hit me hard to be back to squire one.

I would also be concerned that your hubby is thinking of a child as a bandaide for the marriage. Your moods are going to go everywhere. You two need to be stable with each other before you add the extra stress.

I would wait til closer to a year mark and take this time to enjoy just the two of you together with each other. Just my two cents. Hope it helps

I agree with all the things the previous person said.  It's great that you're doing so well working on your relationship; too many people throw their hands up and walk away...but having a baby immediately post-WLS and while you're still working through the rocky patches in your relationship is not going to make life any easier for either of you.  I'd suggest continuing with your weight loss until your body stabilizes.  You may not get down to 125 pounds (just pulling a number out of the air), but if you got down to 200 pounds, then you may find you actually like that weight better than 241...and that you have a lot more energy and physical comfort.  You still wouldn't be 'too' skinny, but in a healthier place. 

Looking at your avie, you are beautiful...don't know if that's a before or after picture...but you look great.  I don't know a darn thing about you or your marriage, but is it possible that your husband doesn't want you to lose more weight because he's afraid that maybe you won't find him attractive - or other men will find you too attractive - if you continue to lose?  Sort of an insecurity on his part?  And that maybe he thinks if you have a baby right now, that'll be something else to bind you to him?  I'd talk that through with him just to make sure where he's coming from and why the push to do it now.  A few more months will not hurt either of you...and it would be a tremendous help to you physically, and give you both time to continue strengthening your relationship.

If you do decide to go with getting pregnant now, please spend some time talking to your surgeon and an ob/gyn first regarding any issues with your VSG and getting pregnant this early.  I have not had VSG to give any advice on that...but hopefully some of the VSG women out here can pop in and give you info from their experiences. 

It sounds like your husband is having mixed reactions to your WL. Insecurity being the biggest. If he doesn't want you to lose any more weight, and wants to saddle you with a baby ASAP....sounds like he is terrified you will leave him when you hit your goal? This is not uncommon. Doesn't mean he is a bad person or anything. Personally, I would try to enjoy the WL as much as possible before getting pregnant. There is a lot of things you willbe able to enjoy with your husband that you couldn't do 100 lbs ago. Maybe take a nice vacation in the spring (with your fab new bod) and you'll see you have a whole new life ahead of you. Enjoy being thin for a little while, and make sure your weight is stabilized before TTC. For everyone's benefit!

Hey there! Being someone who has gone through an ugly divorce with a mentally abusive ex-husband I would have to lean towards WAIT for baby time. My ex had said time and time again that he just wanted to have a baby and I think in his own mind that made him believe that everything that was wrong in our relationship would suddenly turn right. Not to mention all the health risks to you and baby so shortly out after surgery. It's just not worth risking yourself or the health of a baby to wait 10 more months.  It sounds like he is trying to control your relationship and your weight loss by pushing for a baby right now, but it would be a completely better choice to hold off til you've stabilized your weight loss and your relationship is in a rock solid place. I think back now and I'm so glad beyond words that I didn't let my ex sabatoge my weight loss journey or the rest of my life by having me be tied down to him in some unfortunate way for the next 18 years. I've been able to pick up and move on and am as happy as I could ever be, but please please take the advice- a baby is just not the answer or fix all for your marriage!! :) Hang in there and best of luck in your decision making!


~Kerri