What do you say??

I have this very good friend who has adopted three wonderful little kids.  They are a different race than her but who cares.  She NEVER wanted to have her own child.  She has been married for 17 years now.  Well, miss thang was able to keep a tight lid on the fact she is 29 weeks pregnant.    NO ONE noticed. LOL  She is terrified!!!  She never wanted to go through this.  Of course, I personally do not understand but that is not my business.  She is having a boy.   The other two boys are mad, they wanted another little sister.  Even after 29 weeks,  she is still so upset and crying.  One lady had the nerve to tell her, "Well, it is about time you have one of your own"  another lady told her she would love this baby more because he is hers.  HOW RUDE!!!  Especially since she said this infront of the boys.  Seth is 6 and Adam is about 9 or so.  Gabbi is one so she doesn't know the differences. She just loves babies.  Anyway, my friend feels like a horrible person because of her emotions towards this baby.  She kept it to herself until last night.  When someone at church got pregnant, the daddies made a huge announcement.  You noticed I said daddies, not the mommies.  Three of us who had two or three back to back told her how we felt.  She now realizes that we all went through the not again and let me get okay with it before you tell the world.  Of course, daddies didn't.  She thought we were all so happy.  I hate to say it, but I wasn't with my last two.  But for different reasons.  I know what I was goint to hear from my mom.  She was against me having my second child all together in the first place.  She was better with the third but lost it again with the fourth.  I was scared of her and my family.  I wanted to wait for a few years.  God had other plans.  BUT NEVER did I not want a child of my own. 

My sister was the same way with a little different cir****tances. She had 4 of her own kids and said she is done and will NOT have anymore kids! Well she found out that she was pregnant with number 5! She did not go to the OB till she was already 20 weeks along, she was in denial and she sat and cried the whole time. She was so mad and felt betrayed by her husband because he would not take the steps to not have anymore, and she was told by the hospital that they would not tie her tubes because she was so young in the state of Michigan you have to have the consent from your husband as well to have that done. So needless to say, she had the baby and she could no+-
63..t love that little guy more. To make matters worse she had to go through a lot of medical issues with him, so it made them even closer.

I am sure your friend will be OK after, but she will be depressed and may even get postpartum depression, but you can only be there for her and help her as much as you humanly can, and later she will realize that you did too.

I'm sorry your friend feels this way.  My husband and I tried for years to get pregnant.  We then decided to pursue adoption.  After 2 years and 3 failed placements through the adoption process we found out I was pregnant.  We had to put the adoption process on hold due to agency rules.  The pregnancy ended at 30 weeks and my son was born still.  Six months later we adopted my second son.  Last year I gave birth to my third son.  I love them both the same.  I truly feel that things happen for a reason.  Best of luck to your friend.

Patty

There is not much you can say to you friend about this. She is a big girl. and could have prevented this predicament if she really wanted to. It sounds like she is very depressed and anxious. Also, sounds like she will most likely suffer from post partum depression if these feelings continue. If you want to help, talk to her about starting a safe ant-depressant. There are a few safe for pregnancy. I take Prozac, was on other stuff but wanted to switch to a baby-safe version. But these drugs can take weeks to help. Your friend has to be very clear with the doctors about these feelings, in order to help herself. Good luck to her, and hope she ignores all the ignorant comments about her "own" baby vs adopted children. Sheesh.....some people should be hit with a tacky stick.

I would offer to help her whenever you can/want to.  Maybe she is feeling over-whelmed...maybe she is feeling guilt...maybe she just can't put her finger on it at all.  She just needs support and to know some one is there to talk to.

My 6 YO is adopted and also of a different race than I am.  At 39 YO I had my first"born".  I went through phases of being elated at having/carrying a baby and then guilt wondering how this would affect my first little guy.  Would he be jealous...would he feel left out because he looks different than me and the baby, etc, etc.

Some People are stupid.  some say stupid things.  They may not mean anything by it but still stupid all the same.  Not much can be done with the STUPID ones but try to inform them and educate or correct their stupidity.

When I was pregnant I was in Walmart with my 6 YO and we ran into his bio mom.  She immediately knows who we are even if she hasn't seen him in several years just because of the situation.  She says to him "Do you kow who I am?" Of course he doesn't...then she says "I am your momma."  I immediately corrected her and said..."No, I am his Mommy.  You will confuse him."  She said she was sorry and thanked me for what I had done for her/him and we moved on.  Later when we got in the car I found it was the perfect time to explain to him that she was the "tummy mom" and he stayed in her belly for a while and when he was born came to live with me forever.  Being pregnant gave him a visual...there was a baby in my tummy.  He did ask where the baby was going to live when he was born and I explained he would also live with us.  He did not need any further explanation and was happy with that.

Give your friend a hug...let her know she can be elated about this new addition and involve all of her children in the event.  This is a blessing for all of them!