Baby Fever or Baby Envy?

when i lost my first (chemical pregnancy) I was devistated and it seemed all my single friend were being "knocked up" left and right.  it was so annoying.

Think about waiting 18 months.  Then, think about not being able to get pregnant for another 4 years (and counting) after that.   Imagine the level of anger/frustration with unwanted and underserving pregnancies then.....

That's where I am at.  So if they think you are a judgmental ***** I am one of collosal proportions.  I see people daily...even some on this board (see, I said colossal) that should not be reproducing.

I am no longer angry, though.  I am past that phase and on to cynical.

I TOTALLY understand. I also had RNY so I could get pregnant. My hubby also had it BTW and we are both really happy we did. It was really frustrating watching all of my friends be pregnant (one who didn't want to be pregnant). I think you are justified in your impatience. But really try not to let it rule you. I look back at the time after my 1st miscarriage (I've had 2) and I really wish I wouldn't have let it rob me of all joy. Try and focus on the good things going on in your life and on getting healthy enough to carry your little one in your belly. I know that's easier said than done though! And much easier for me to say now that I have my little one. But I just wanted to throw that thought out there.

Tina

The baby fever I totally get - had it for quite some time.  I really try not to get into the 'baby envy,' because in my mind (not saying it's you...just that I try not to let MYSELF think this way) I don't want to be being jealous of someone else's baby.  I'd never wish that it were me pregnant rather than someone else...just that it was me pregnant as well as someone else.  Even after five miscarriages, I'm pretty much OK being around someone else who's pregnant, because I know that that baby is not MY baby...but baby stores?  not so much.  I avoid them like the plague.

I also had WLS with the main goal to have another baby...and my 'anger' is more that I waited so long to even try to get pg, regardless of the WLS.  My son is 15 1/2 years old...DH kept putting off a 2nd one (and I did not push the matter too much because I thought there was no dissuading him) because of my weight.  He says he was worried about the effects of me getting pg again at my former weight, even though w/my son, I only gained 16 pounds - of which he was 9lb 12 oz - and I did not have any complications w/the pregnancy.  In the back of my mind, though, there will always be that niggling ***** telling me it was because he was afraid I would gain more weight if I got pg again.  I just stomp her down, because I know DH loves me and has been worried for my health...even if there was also that bit of him that wanted me to lose the weight for my looks because he comes from a culture where everyone talks about everyone elses' spouse and he didn't want people talking about me.

Because of my age, we were given the OK to ttc 12 months after WLS...but exactly at 12 months when we were ready...I landed in the hospital w/emergency surgery to remove my kidney.  We waited a few months after that for me to heal up...then got pg the first month we tried...had a mc...waited a few months to ttc again...got pg first time...mc again...waited a few months, took 3 months to get pg again...mc again.  Because of the screaming biological clock, we did IUI to try to speed up the process...got pg on the first round of that...mc again.  It took a year of trying off and on (some months not so much because of moving around the world...not always convenient to ttc), got pg again...mc a 5th time.

I can't say I'm angry at all of the problems I've had...frustrated as hell...and at this point, I really feel like I'm losing hope that I'll succeed in staying pg.  Despair is a ***** to sleep with every night.  The one bright spot of it all is that - not to gloat, but to say it thankfully - even if I don't succeed, at least I have one son whom I wouldn't change a thing about him...and I wish that others out there who are struggling to even accomplish that get the opportunity to experience it all....the pregnancy, birth, sleepless nights and worry, diapers...everything. 

It's just funny that drs can do organ transplants, cure some forms of cancer, completely re-build or construct someone's HEAD due to a birth defect, separate conjoined twins...but they can't figure out how to get or keep a woman pregnant who's having fertility issues....something that seems almost minor in comparison to the life saving things they can do.

wow u have a 15 year old???? u dont look old enough!!!!!!!!  you're a MILF!

thanks for your reply...i cant even imagine the emotions you have had to deal with after 5 mcs'.  your honesty is endearing and my heart goes out to you for being so strong after all of that.

Thank you.   I'm 42 1/2.  I have to laugh sometimes when I start doing the math because I'm literally old enough to be some of the women on here's mother if I'd started young...which means if I were their mother...and they're here...I could almost be a grandma!!!! OMG...I just thought of that.  Now I really feel old. 

I try to look at it that even if I don't end up with a baby at the end of all this...God willing, my experiences will at least be beneficial to someone else?  To help them through the ****ty parts of ttc?  Gotta look for something positive in it all.

Maybe I could make a suggestion- first let me start by saying like many woman have- I can empathize with your position, my DH and I tried before our wedding even...but no luc****il after my RNY (6 years) and we waited the proper time..in fact I have been blessed with three pregnancies (one ended with a m/c).  I have two beautiful children I would not have had without taking control of my health.

On to my suggestion- while you are waiting- perhaps you could look at doing foster care and helping children who need loving homes.  It seems ashame to waste time with a heart that is filled with a need to mother and nurture.  I can tell you from personal experience-kids out there need loving homes.  It's not as difficult of a process as some people make it out to be. 

Good luck with your TTC and regaining your health.

i mentioned in my post the hubby & i are in the process of becoming foster parents.  we are on week #5, of 6 classes and are awaiting the background check. so this is one step closer to becoming parents :)

Dont mind my ADHD.  Kids will be thrilled to have a happy home.

I feel so guilty most days because I am pregnant and this was really not something I wanted in this point of my life. I am not married and I feel guilty, especially when I come on here because so many people want children and I got pregnant with incredible ease. I definately wasn't trying and it was not even on my radar. I always feel people are judging me because of this as well because I do have a couple of friends *****ally want children and are having trouble conceiving. However my envy ( I don't know what other word to use) comes in a different form. Like someone previously said I see people who seem to have it all they are financially where they want to be, they have supporting husbands and families and everyone seems to love the fact that they are pregnant. It is the opposite for me. No one was jumping up and down for joy for me and my pregnancy. I don't have a huge support system. The baby's father is in the military so he spends a lot of time away. I truly feel alone most of the time. So sometimes I get envious of people who are so happy and have so much love and support. So don't feel bad for your feelings. I think everyone goes through some form of envy in one way or another at some point in their life. Whether they will admit to it our not.