Baby Fever or Baby Envy?

First off all I'd like to start out by saying that I don't wish to offend ANYONE with this post...likewise, I hope not to sound like a judgmental ***** but here goes...

I had RNY 7/22 with the purpose of changing my lifestyle & getting healthier so I could eventually start a family with my husband.  He too is seeking WLS so we both can be positive role models for our future children.  I went into surgery knowing that I would have to wait the recommended 18-24 months before TTC.  But with that said I can't help but feel a little envious of others around me who are having children. 
Before surgery a friend and me had this joke between us about all of the people who were preggo, because it seemed that almost everyday she or I would find out another person (or 2 or 3) who were expecting.  So our joke was to call each other and "add it to the list"...lame I know but it was our way of dealing with out baby fever. (she too is not at a place in her life where she can have children). 
Now that I am post-op I am feeling like this baby fever has turned into baby envy...its is no longer a "joke" when I find out others are expecting but rather an annoyance.  Often times I find myself saying things like "she doesnt deserve to have children"...it is more so about people that I know personally, not random strangers because honestly who am I to judge who can & can not have child and who does & doesnt deserve them.

So I guess the point of this post was to VENT my frustrations about having to "wait my turn".  Hubby and I have wanted kids from day one, literally. We both love children and want nothing more then to provide little one(s) with our love and guidance.  We have even begun the process of becoming liscensed foster parents, but it still doesnt hide the fact that I am beyond restless about wanting to experience mother-hood for myself.  Everything about it...being preggo, baby showers, creating a nursery, nesting, the labor/delivery, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, diapers, EVERYTHING!

I am well aware that I sound like a crazy woman, but I just wanted ya'll to know how frustrating this is to have to wait...makes me wonder if the timing will ever be right!!!!!!

I don't think it's envy. It's just how you feel, you want a baby and there's nothing wrong with that. I had 6 miscarriages, 5 recently prior to this pregnancy. I can remember thinking that I wanted a baby so bad, and here are girls that are too young, or women who just want a bigger welfare check having babies left and right. ( I work with pregnant women, so that didn't help either). Of course this isn't true for every woman having a baby, I just wanted one for me too. I don't think it's jealousy either, I just think you want your baby. I don't see the wrong in that. Good luck to you getting to goal so you can start your family. Baby dust to you!

thank you for the compassion..

as women is just what we "do"...we are hard-wired to nuture and i guess that's all I wanna do haha!

i know i have to be patient, but dammmn its hard! lol

First, let me say- I TOTALLY get where you are coming from. I always offlicted my PCOS by telling everyone I just didn't want to have children. My mom knew this was a farce because I just LOVE babies. Well, I was married to my ex and we were together almost 8 years with me being on and off the pill, but he was absoloutely against going to get ffertility treatments until I was already 1 foot out the door. I had RNY in 2007 and it was the BEST decision I ever made in my life. Well, I decided in 2008 to leave my husband and move away and try to start over. I had already started an emotional affair with my current husband. After telling him I wanted a divorce and sticking with my decision, I found out he had been sleeping with some girl since I left and within 2 months had gotten her knocked up. I was DEVESTATED! He's not the best person in my eyes to be a parent know that I see the way things were in our lives from the outside. But, anywho, I met my current husband. He has 2 wonderful little girls with his ex-wife. Also, they were raising her first daughter together although she was not my husband's biological daughter. Their mother managed on 3 seperate occasions to loose the children to CPS custody and then they were placed with my husband's mom and dad (the oldest included.) Well, after he did his 2nd tour in Iraq and came home, the girls all came to live with us. He has joint custody with their mom (even though she has made NO effort to see them in almost 2 years now) and they live with us year round. He also has guardianship deemed to him by her and her biological father. I was sickened and saddened!! How can someone have 3 wonderful little girls and want nothing to do with them?? Then she had the nerve, knowing my background in infertility because at one point we were friendly, to tell me that if we had a child she hoped that it died or had a disease like my husband's brothers little girl does (she was born with prodder willie syndrome.) And I've watched my brother in law in a bitter custody case over his 3 kids because his ex-wife is and has been on meth for quite some time. 

I saw both of these situations from my own eyes and my poor husband has heard me cry over and over again about how I wanted a baby of my own and it wasn't fair that a mother like that could even be so lucky to have been a mother- even though now she in my eyes was what I deem their uterus donor! We can have sperm donors why not that too right?? LOL

After being with my husband for over 2 years and not trying or trying not to try, I was in TOTAL shock to learn that I was pregnant with my own child. It took me almost 9 years after hearing those words- PCOS- and here I am pregnant with my first and happy as can be! U are not alone and hopefully when the time is right you will have your baby too :) Best of luck!!

I totally understand where you're coming from.  Most of us go through this with a variety of situations.  When you're single, your friends are getting engaged.  When you're engaged,  your friends are getting married.  When you're getting married,  your friends are having children.  When you lose your job, someone else gets a promotion.  Etc, etc. :)

I had my surgery because my best friend nearly died in childbirth because of obesity-related complications.  She and I were like sisters for 16 years... and when she became a mother, she dropped me like a hot rock.  When I asked her why she was distancing herself from me, she said "You're not a mother.  You can't possibly relate to what I'm going through."  OUCH.

It really stung because she had a "perfect life".  A great job that she was able to quit to stay at home, a loving husband with a great job who made enough money to support them.  A huge house.  Supportive family.  A darling son.  Meanwhile, everything around me was crumbling... no job, struggling to pay rent, unemployed husband, depression, etc.  My husband and I DESPERATELY wanted to have a baby, but there was no way I could bring myself to do it when I could barely support ourselves.  It was just bad timing!

I know now that (as cliche as it sounds) everything happens for a reason.  Having to wait until I got my crap together was the best thing that ever could have happened, because now I can relax and enjoy my marriage, my pregnancy, and not have to worry about choosing between keeping the lights on or buying diapers.  It will happen for you, too!

Ouch.  With friends like that - especially someone you thought was a good friends for so long - who needs enemies?! She obviously was not the friend to you that you were to her.  I hope that with your perfect world coming into order, you've found a better friend out there too...one who is as caring for others as you are.

Yup! My husband is my best friend. Having a bad friend is like being in an abusive relationship. You're so blinded by love and what you've been through in the past that you refuse to see what's going on in the present, and when they treat you badly, you make excuses for them. I'm sooooo glad I finally saw the light! LOL

Your 'friend' probably gave you the unexpected kick in the ass to meet the right person for you.  I would doubt that if you were still hanging out with her that she'd have encouraged you to keep seeing - let alone marrying - your DH, because it seems that she wanted you around to polish her image and support her...not to lean on each other as friends.  Good for you for moving on and being happy - truly happy - with the right person.

LOL, my "friend" was actually my Maid of Honor in our wedding. I had known my husband for 3 years before she stopped speaking to me. We had a rough beginning because of our job and financial situation, but thankfully that all worked out. It's easy to see now that she was one of those people who was a taker and not a giver. And yeah, I am so much happier now!! I actually still am friends with her mother-in-law, and she has told me that it's not just me... that my friend "snapped" and distanced herself from everyone. It's kind of sad.

It is totally normal as a human and more so as a women to want what other people have especially other women. I was in that waiting period too but the only thing is I already have 2 children. Then I got to the point where we decided to start trying and I got very upset because a person that I considered a friend announced that she was pregnant again and her 1st was only a few months old! I was so mad and I remember telling my husband that I did not think it was fair that she should have another one (this is after she had an abortion as well about a year prior and she did it for completely selfish reasons). I was so angry, and then I got even more so when I told her that I was pregnant and she was nasty to me, said "why would you put your body through that surgery to throw it all away by having another kid?" I was sooooooo made, I have not talked to her sense!