Frustrated and depressed

I usually am not one to complain, or to compare myself with others, but this has been wearing on me and I just can't take it anymore. I have turned into an emotional wreck and I need somewhere to vent. :(

My husband and I started TTC in June. My period's have been regular for about the past year, and I had been charting since February and in June we started. Didn't conceive in June, I got my period at the end of the month. July rolls by, no period, August rolls by, no period. All pregnancy tests and blood tests were BFN, didn't have any weird symptoms and AF didn't show her face for over two months. At the end of August, I began to have horrible sharp pains in my lower left abdomen. It was my left ovary. At this point I was over two months late, my skin had been badly breaking out, I had excruciating headaches and my patience was wearing thin. I went to the doctor to get checked out. He did an exam and discovered a mass and ordered an internal and external ultrasound. The exam and the ultrasound were so painful, I couldn't bear it. I was in tears during both. Doctor called in a prescription for Provera to bring on my period, which I got 5 days later. Meanwhile, the ultrasound results came in. I had a 3" cyst sitting on my left ovary. I was thinking my doctor would then immediately order some kind of laparoscopic surgery to remove it, but instead he said "get through this period, then go through your next month's period, then we'll have you get another ultrasound to see if it is still there, then you come back and see me for those results." So he thinks I am going to wait 2 whole months to not have sex (due to the pain), let this cyst potentially get larger, and smile and walk away like it was no big deal.
A few days go by and I realize I am not experiencing any more pain. We cautiously DTD and thankfully, it was in fact gone. Thankfully, that is over with.
Seeing as how it's only been 4 months that we've been trying, I feel like I am not entitled to be emotionally upset, however there are so many things contributing to it. If I was still getting my period, that'd be fine. But I didn't get it for two months. I had to be prescribed something for that. Then I get a large cyst that stops everything in it's tracks. I'm spending money on doctor's appt's and prescriptions and I feel like all of my friends (literally) in the past 4 months have been getting pregnant.
I'm incredibly frustrated in the fact that before we even started trying, I didn't have these types of problems, at ALL. Now it's like my body is giving me hints that it doesn't want to be pregnant or something!
I just really want everyone to know who got pregnant right off the bat to realize that it doesn't happen that way with everyone - and to not take it for granted. Life is precious, it's not easily achieved, and it's an emotional rollercoaster for some.
I am hoping I get pregnant someday soon and share the joys that so many of you women have.
Thanks for reading...

TTC can be one of the most painful, depressing times of your life...but after it all works out, all that goes away. I tried for 3 years...my husband had had cancer and was told he would never have a child. I was obese and had PCOS. After the 3 years and some help with the turkey baster and my poor DH having to "go in a cup" (LOL) it worked!! All my friends around me were having babies and I wanted one so bad. I couldn't even go to one of my best friends baby shower because I was so depressed. Now on another note...years have gone by, had the gastric bypass nov 08, lost 160lbs and had my panni removed may of this past year, go to the beach, start a combat fitness class, and guess what..I am pregnant...all on our own!!! Part of me still wants to cry as I was all done with that and I think I made myself ok with having only one...the other part of me is happy and my hubby thinks he is Mr. Supersperm!! So I totally know how you feel and what you are going through..thermometers up your butt, and it takes all the fun out of the whole sex part...if you ever want to vent, I am a good listener... email me anytime!! [email protected] Take care, Monica

I have a history of ovarian cysts.  I hade a HUGE one when I was 14.  It hurt sooooo bad.  I was doubled over in pain.  The GYN and U/S tech both gasped when they saw it.  BUT, since it wasn't twisted, they didn't do surgery.  The doctor sent me home on pain meds and said it would break on its own.  Sure enough a few days later I felt it break and the pain was gone immediately.  An ultrasound showed this too.  They can effect your periods too.  You may want to double check and make sure you don't PCOS.  I know it is very frustating not being able to be pregnant right away.  I have had infertility issues and got pregnant only to have a miscarriage.  BUT my dr's siad it would be difficult to impossible to get pregnant with my history.  SO the fact I got pregnant is a miracle.  We are trying again and I am in the 2 week wait.  Its ok to vent, sometimes we don't have anyone else who understands and this is a great place for support and to vent.  As well as encourage.  Saying that, make sure you aren't stressing too much because dr's have said that stress can effect your fertility.  We are here for you, to support you and to encourage you!! Praying for you!

Lucy

I know exactly how you feel! My Husband and I tried to conceive for 10 years since May of 2000! I have PCOS and before my RNY surgery I got VERY painful ovarian cysts as well that landed me in the E.R. about every 3-4 months or so. We gave up on trying to have a baby ourselves and turned to adoption. Our son, Clayton, (age 3 now) came into our lives at just the right time. After he was placed in our arms I forgot all about the emotional pain of TTC.  I can honestly say now that I am glad I couldn't conceive before my surgery because I'm not sure he would be in our lives now. After that I worked on myself to become healthier for him and after the RNY surgery (7 months post op) we found out we were pregnant. We were using protection because I was told to do so by my surgeon for at least 1 year post op! So now after many years of being sad, scared, and happy all rolled up together we are having a baby naturally. God has just the right time for you! You and your Hubby will be blessed! I know because I was one of those women who just didn't think it was meant to be for us. TTC is not always easy for everyone, and I'm not trying to say Adoption is "the" solution for everyone either, but it was for us, so just sharing my story. I beleive now it all has to do with timing. I hope you feel better soon with the cyst. I'm not sure what type of cyst you have whether it's a PCOS thing or what, but a warm sits bath always seemed to help me when I had them.

You sound a lot like me. I was always so cheerful and happy and loved on everyone's babies but after years of unsuccessful attempts TTC I gave up, before I even knew what the problem was. Doctors said I had too many health risks at the time and would be hospitalized very early in the pregnancy, so fast forward to 2006...I had RNY and lost 140 lbs by 2007, It was during that time that I couldn't stand to see a new baby or go to any showers. I hated the thought of the little teenagers who were having 2& 3 kids they couldn't even take care of...everything made me mad. We started aggressively trying again 2 years after my surgery and with a year and half 2 IUI attempts and our first IVF along came Jakob...like the others said timing is everything it took us 11 years to get our miracle...I can't say that I am any less excited having had to wait it out. Hang it there!

Thank you all for your kind words. It is really appreciated.
I couldn't imagine the pain of going years without any luck. Your strength must be incredible, and I hope to gain more strength as I continue through this journey to become a mommy.

I just found out 2 friends and now a coworker are all pregnant. They all told me within the last 2 days. So it's been a little unnerving to hear that when I am dealing with this. My coworker is 10 weeks along and she couldn't find the heart to tell me yet since she knew I've been having so many problems, yet in the same sense I feel terrible that she left me out of the loop and told the rest of the office.

I hate feeling down. It's not like me to be depressed. I'm normally very cheerful and bubbly (as most people say), so this is driving me crazy. :(

A little bit of good news is that I am taking a nice long 3.5 drive to upstate New York tomorrow, to adopt a cat I have been wanting for a while now. I hope he helps me forget about all this, atleast temporarily.

Thanks again. Good luck to everyone trying.