Update to my family stress issue

As I posted a few days ago about my family issue... well, this is an update...

Hubby and I went today traveled 2 hours each way to see my dad for 1 hour since he's in the hospital in ICU (long story to retell...see my previous  post about this).  I do feel bad for him that he's sick but he risked himself to be in a situation like that.

Anyway.. hubby and I went.. he is much better he just needs to eat more and make an effort in his part.  But typically my dad (well my parents AND brother) are extremely negative and pessimistic and they LOVE to have all the attention from everybody.  So, basically he needs to eat since he doesn't eat as well as he should.

Everything was going okay.. very candid.. I didn't say anything.. I didn't comment or asked about anything because I already know that it doesn't matter what I say or think, it doesn't matter to them. 
We were on the way out and were on the hallway outside ICU and we started a conversation with my mom . I don't even remember how it started...but I expressed how hurt I was about my brother having disrespected me the way he did (when I expressed my feelings and opinions about that stem cell experimental procedure my dad wanted to undergo - which he did almost 2 months ago) and how hurt I was about my dad response to my email of concern for him that I disheartened him..  Well, my mom is soooooo blinded by my brother that then she said she couldn't understand why just out of that silly incident I don't want to talk to my brother again.  Silly incident when he completely disrescpects me and screams at me and tells me that I have to ask him opinion and permission to send an email to my dad about my feelings and concern???/!!!! WTF???

Also she couldn't comprehend why I got upset at my dad;s response that I disheartened him with my opinion and feelings that I didn't want anything bad happening to him because I love him.  She didn't get it...

Then, I clearly said..I am tired of always doing everything for everybody and always doing things to make them happy but that I honestly feel like I am not part of the family because they don't appreciate my feelings and/or opinions and they just criticize me..like I am a nobody but then that they expect me to jump for everything.. is like I am their family ondemand..whatever is convenient for them...

I told her that I am concentrating on me and my husband.. my husband is my priority now and should have been for the last 13 years.. and then she got pissy and says in Spanish (when my husband doesn't understand) that then they are nothing... see?? with them is all or nothing... when you shift your attention from them you are a bad person.  My husband got mad and told her to speak in English because that irritates him a lot.. whenever she doesn't want him to understand somethign she speaks in Spanish..and that super irritates me too.. everybody in my family speaks fluent English.

Anyway.. then when I expressed that when that happened I spent days crying, she didn't even acknowledge that.. she didn't care..

Then, the only thing she said.. was "oh, how you have changed"...that's her auto response whenever I say something that it doesn't agree with her or that she doesn't accept.  In her view and the view of my parents and my brother 'I HAVE CHANGED"..  WTF?????

It really makes me soooooo angry and it feeds my energy in communicating with them less and less...because she always says that.. that I have changed... (because I don't follow her manipulation... or feeling of guilt.... because she can't control me and have me do what she wants me to do or say).  

THE 3 OF THEM have SERIOUS CONTROL ISSUES..... To me they are mental, irrational and completely selfi****'s all about them...

I honestly didn't plan on having that conversation but something propelled it.. I know she now may feel hurt but because is her own perspective...she doesnt' want to accept that I am an INDEPENDENT ADULT... and have my OWN LIFE TO LIVE.. I am almost 42!!!! She has to let go this riduculous umbilical cord... her happiness is not dependent on me... NOR can I feel bad or guilty about doing what I know is best for my hubby, me and my mental sanity and peace and for our marriage....

She is one of these mothers that want total control over her kids... Now.. my brother can't do anything wrong... nothing... he is always right... I am always the bad one... so you know what???

I will distance myself more and more from them...

This week I am on vacation and I mean also family vacation...my dad is in the hospital and in good care.. he just needs to eat more and make his effort...there is nothing that I can do.. I absolutely have no effect on him whatsoever....

It's sad that this issue has to happened..and clearly not the ideal that I want..but I know that my family won't ever change or accept me for who I truly am.... so I don't have any other choice but live my life as best and happy as I can...

Ask God to guide them and protect them and maybe make them understand one day, that all I want in independence from them... emotional independence from them.... that is because I care so much about them why I stood so many years of been under their manipulation and feelings of guilt.. but you know??/I woke up... I think God did send me that issue then, for me to wake up...for me to be able to bring a child to this world and NOT be like my mother... overprotective, manipulative and self centered as her..

I truly believe God does things HIS way...like he has proven to me twice today...once this a.m. with my negative result and then with the conversation with my mom.  

This just feeds me more enthusiasm for my own life, to concentrate on my hubby, me, my health and our future and enjoy our present... if my mom wants to think that by me putting myself and hubby first is that I don't care or love them less...then is her distorted viewpoint... and there is nothing I can do...

I am tired of trying for years to try to get them to see this but it's futile... they will never accept my decision... Thank God for my hubby...

I just have to think about the 2 of them like any other 2 people I know in my life, that I care for them but that anything they say or do to me will not affect me... Sad to say but I have to imagine they are not my family... there is no other way out..

They are blinded by my brother.. and my brother is the Golden Child and the messiah...
When I was talking to her she gave me the answers that my brother would say..my mom has no opnion on her own...she is very weak. person and very superficial...all she cares is about apperances... I am sooo different..

I hope that this has helped me overcome this negativity issue... today I am buring the topic and will NEVER again mention it to them... if they bring it up, I will just ignore it.  I need to move on with my life...

I don't have many chances left to get pregnant....and I definitely don't want my child (if we get blessed of getting pregnant on next cycle) to be in that negative environment... that's not fair for our child.

I just have to move on.....I never imagined this would ever happened to me..but I was under a complete bubble that my hubby was trying to get me out of for years...but I guess I needed to see it and experience it myself to give me the strength to overcome it.

Anyway... thank you for letting me vent...

tomorrow is our 13th anniversary and we will go to one of the parks and enjoy our special day and our upcoming week of vacation...

Take care...

Hope you have fun in Disney. This may sound cruel, but maybe next time you should just send a get well card. You don't owe your mother any explanations for anything anymore, especially after this past episode. Enjoy your time with your husband and best wishes with getting preggo.
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You ARE different because you have a mind of your own. You're no longer a subservient little girl who is going to put her life on hold to appease others. Relationships are reciprocal. If people want to be treated with love and respect, then they should treat YOU that way.

Good for you for standing up to your mother. I hope you enjoy yourself on your anniversary and put all of the stress out of your mind for just one day!