Anybody having gone through family stress and successful

at getting pregnant?  How did you deal with it? How do you not let it get to you and ignore the negative people in your life? (mostly when they are your parents/sibling)

Going to tell the situation as short as I can in a nutshell.  I come from a Hispanic background where the male no matter if he is the oldest or youngest is always right.  I have an older brother and he has always been the favorite one.  (Anyway..that's a whole other story).

Well, about 2 months ago my dad decided he wanted to undergo some stem cell treatment in El Salvador with a doctor because of course this treatment promised the miracle cure.  Take into account my dad has a heart condition, has ephysema, he has bad circulation in the legs.. and he is in full denial of his age.. he's 78.  He wants to do things as he did them 20 years ago.  My parents do anything my brother says or do.  In my family, if you don't have the same opinion as them and/or not support them, you are the bad one, the ungrateful.

Anyway... I was feeling very nervous about this I wrote an email to my dad telling him how I felt.. that I thought this was a bad idea, that I thought it was a scam, that he should do more research, that I didn't want anything bad to happen to him because I love him, etc.  You know what I got in return?

A nasty call from my brother insulting me that what the heck was I thinking sending that email to my dad like 72 hours before he was leaving to that country (of course my brother was going with them...he is ALWAYS with them.. he puts my parents FIRST no matter what), that I was crazy, that I should have called him and ask for his permission (yeah!! I know.. who the hell he thinks I am.??!!!!)  Anyway..needless to say I told my brother not to call me ever again and I hung up the phone. My brother is a bully, selfish, arrogant, manipulative person.  

Then, the next morning was when it hurt me the most.. I got an email from my dad basically telling me that it was too late, that he was going, that too bad that I don't have more information and that what I have done was nothing but disheartened him.  (See? I pour my heart out saying my feelings and worry and all I got was this attitude..or you the bad one, the inconsiderate one).

Okay... fast forward to current day... last week my mom called me that my dad is in ICU with pneunmonia and blood clots in both legs.  I only said... so sorry to hear that, I hope he gets better.  I don't dare mention anything that I am sure that this is a consequence of that ridulous procedure and the combination that when they came back he didn't take it easy.  He went had that procedure and in 2 days he was back in the US.

This past week I am on my critical week of treatment because I had the ovidrel injection on Monday... I didn't feel like going over to see him at the hospital.   They live 2 hours away..  They don't know that I am undergoing treatment, nor will they ever know.

My family is extremely critical, extremely manipulative and it was not until this incident of that procedure that I woke up and realized... I am a 41 (almost 42 year old grown up woman, married and have my life to live).  During all my life I have done everything my parents expect of me.. I have even dragged my husband for every holiday, every event, just because if we didn't go my parents will get upset... they had me under their spell.. very manipulative.. and my mom will play the martyr role... "Oh, please.. we are old... "

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, and I understand they are old but I also have to take care of my life, my husband, myself... I don't want to keep jumping for everythign that happens to them...

Neither my parents or my brother respect one bit.. all the time when I have expressed my opinion, they just think I don't know what I am talking about..but my brother can tell them the sky is purple with yellow polka dots and they believe him.  My mom she is a drama queen...she always plays the martyr role.  The 3 of them are extremely negative and energy drainers.

If they want to live their life like that, then the 3 of them can live like that but I am not getting drag into that.

For several weeks after this incident with the procedure of my dad, I cried everyday... I felt betrayed... I felt like I really don't have a family.

I can't trust my mother for anything... I have caught her so many times lying to my face... and I she can't keep a secret...

I really feel like I don't have a family.  My brother like I said is a bully..... he is very protective of my parents....

Of course he went to my parents house (he lives about 2 1/2 hrs away) to see my dad in the hospital...then Sunday, stupid me I see a text from him and I am so stupid that I read it, I should have deleted without reading it and he wrote me a very cynical text (I am telling you he's a bully) he said on his text "your father is in ICU in case you didn't know.  Thank you for your visit, I am sure you have a nice excuse"  Of course he knew I knew, because I have called my mom everyday on teh weekend to see how my dad is doing and he was with her because everytime I called they are on the way to hospital.    Anyway... see?? he is a bully and just trying to cause a fight..  I really don't want to do anything iwth my brother... I just feel sorry for his wife.. she's so nice.

As for my parents.. well.. I call them every Saturday (before I was calling my mom 2x a day) but that created that they treated me like a kid so I have put some distance between them and me.
Now I have called every a.m.  to see about my dad but I don't want her to think, I am going back to the same habits as before.

Anway.... I am trying not to let it bother me... but it just burns me.. I really need to move out of the state and be as far away as possible.

OOps.. have to run to get ready for work...

Please any suggestions????

As for them.. they have not questioned me why I haven't gone.. if they ever ask.. I am just going to say.. I can't go because I have my reasons and I really don't want to discuss it.  They have to respect that.. I am a grown adult and not a kid.  My family is extremely nosey!!

Take care.. thank you for "listening"..

Ugh!  First of all, let me just say that I'm sorry you have to go through that kind of thing with your family.  I have friends of every ethnicity, and what you have described fits my latina and asian friends' relationships with their families to a "tee".  (Girls are raised to be seen and not heard... girls are supposed to be subservient and not speak their mind, etc.)  It drives me CRAZY because my parents raised me to always stand up for myself and do what I feel is morally right.

From what I can tell from your story... part of the problem is that you allow your family to treat you the way they do.  If you enable them, the cycle will continue and nothing will ever get better.  I completely understand wanting to respect your parents and honor them... but seriously... the fact that they expect your unconditional love and support without question, and then don't reciprocate the same to you?  That's unacceptable. 

I compare family life to a romantic relationship.  Would you stay with someone if they talked down to you, made you feel bad about yourself, made you cry, made you feel insecure, and made you feel guilty?  Would you stay with them if they constantly messed with your head, called you names, and bled you dry only to give nothing in return?  Probably not.  So why do we allow our families to treat us this way?  Because they're family?  That's a bull**** answer.  We're worth more than that.  Why do you always have to be the one to defend yourself, and to have to compromise your values and beliefs to accommodate theirs?  If it were a romantic relationship, that would be considered ABUSIVE.

I know you love your family and that you care about them deeply.  But as you said, you're 41 and an adult.  You're capable of making your own decisions, you're entitled to feel the way you feel, and you don't need to tolerate your brother's bullcrap.  It's up to YOU to stand up for yourself and let them know that it is NOT okay to treat you the way you do.  What do you have to lose?  They already treat you terribly, and all the stress this is causing in your life is not going to make things any easier for you, and I'm sure you don't want to bring your child up in that type of a toxic environment.  What if you have a baby girl?  Do you want her to go through the same vicious cycle that you have?  Speak up!

Thank you for your post and you are right. That is why I have put distance between them and me.I am an adult and if they don't accept my decision I absolutely have nothing to lose. They have emotionally abused me and I have to put a stop.

ironically, since this happened and I have stopped calling my mom everyday...it has brought me closer to my hubby.

Right now that is all I care about and my health.

Putting distance between yourself and your family is a good first step.  But, nothing is ever going to actually change until you stand up for yourself.  Ignoring a situation never makes it better!

Well, I don't have too much advice except to say I think stress plays a huge part in our lives, and by seperating yourself, it is probably really hard for you to do, but its what you need to do especially right now. You need to make this time all about you right now.
That said, you have to be able to feel good about the decisions you have made in this situation if something were to happen to one of your family members. (prays everything works out for them).

Good luck with a tough situation.

I understand most of what you are going through. My MIL and most of my husbands family are insecure, manipulative, and snarky. 3 years into the relationship, I decided that we need to focus more on our marriage and creating our own family memories. We no longer speak to his sister and his mom and I have no contact. Not the best situation, sure, but a hell of a lot stressful than it was a year ago. Just because you are related by blood does not mean you need to have them in your daily life. It may sound selfish, but you need to worry about yourself and your husband now.
I come from a big italian backgraound and I remember all the holidays as a child being srounded by dozens of family members. I tried to give my daughter the same for 10 years. But is is not enjoyable for us, and WTF people just seem so much more greedier, nastier, and shallow than I remember as a child. Toxic. Just because they are family does not mean you have to subject yourself to abuse. I hope it gets better for you. Best wishes!!

Thank you very much for all your kind words..it means a lot. It is just hard to make any behavior change and even more when feelings are hurt, and that's the way i have always acted.

I don't have any regrets of anything I have done or said.it is just hard because contrary to what they think, I care way too much. My only regret is that I didn't wake up 20 years ago.

Like all of you have said, I have to stop the toxic cycle. If relatives and friends of my family don't understand, then, is their problem, not mine.

My family all they care is about appearances and I am soooooo opposite to how they think, that I seem not even related to them.in the end, its them that will end up losing me.

Again, thank you for your support.