To those of you who think I am a selfish *****

For the record. I came here to vent cause it was the only place I felt safe enough to do it.  Thanks for letting me see I was wrong. I have always tried to be nice when posting something even if I don't agree with the poster.

I was really hurt by being told, more or less, that I am a selfish ***** I guess part of that is my fault since I only share what frustrates me that I can't control. That would be my mil and at times my hubby's stupidity.  I am going to have a total of 5 showers. Do you see me saying anything about them? Ok, the first one only cause I felt it was too soon and it worried me that it would jinx the pregnancy. These are from friends that love me and are doing it because they care. There are other more important things going on in my life. One of them is my grandmother just found out two weeks ago tomorrow that she has lung cancer. We also found out my sister is now manic depressive instead of just depressed. She said she wanted to die and was put in the hospital plus has had two surgeries all since I found out I was pregnant. Nothing I can do about my family since they are in Ohio and I am 12 hours away.

I vent about the hubby cause he is so clueless about how it feels to be pregnant and as far as I can recall, I have never said I want to kill him. Slap him upside the head, yes. Kill him, no. I just wish he wasn't so clueless. I love him dearly and miss him during the week since we don't see each other for more than about 10 hours M-F if we are lucky.

Now about my MIL... Yes I am grateful that she lets us live with her. We basically have an apt in her basement. It's not the best situation but we could be homeless. Those of you that think she is without blame are about to get the reality check. I married her baby. He is her favorite and she has NEVER said a positive word about me as far as I know. Even the therapist the hubby and was seeing said she had issues. Before she even met me (I met the hubby online) she was saying I was a horrible person. And she told him all about it.  On our wedding day she said IF we make it to our one year anniversary she would have a party for us. Who says something like if they make it on their child's wedding day? When my grandfather died 10 months after we got married, she told us we couldn't go to the funeral in St. Louis since it was the day of my nephews first b-day party. Then she told us we couldn't go to the memorial service in Florida since it was in Florida and there wasn't going to be a body since it was after the funeral. NEVER once said she was sorry about my loss. She has issues talking to me and will ask her son something without talking to me and I am right there. I tried my best to get along with her but after consistently being treated like I don't count I gave up. I would like to thank whoever said to not question her motives since I could be wrong. I honestly didn't think about that since in the past, she is all about what would others think. Who know, maybe she is doing the shower cause she cares. I doubt it but I will try to keep that in mind.

Sorry you have to live with someone like that. Sometimes we HAVE to live with someone we hate!!!

My one question is: How can she tell you that you cant go to a memorial or funeral service?

Cause she thinks she owns us. LMAO  She thinks she owns everyone. We didn't listen but we could only afford to go to one so we went to the memorial service since that is where he had lived for close to the last 30 years of his life.

I don't think you are a selfish ***** at all.
I remember your posts because your MIL sounds exactly like mine. All about herself, doing things for show, acting like her married son is a 7 yr old child.
You have every reason to be upset with the situation. What I will add though, is that your husband needs to intervene more. He needs to demonstrate that you are just as important to him as his mother. Letting her constantly run the show is a dangerous game and will wreak havock on your marriage. The constant fights that follow after her "games" are exactly what she wants. Some women simply cannot handle the fact that their sons have another important female in their lives. For your sanity, please save every penny that you can so that you can get out of her house. Even if you can only find a teeny one bedroom apartment, it will help the situation tremendously. I have a 12 year old. When I look back on all the times I wasted money on expensive little baby shoes, name brand clothes, and the best diapers, I want to cringe. Babies don't need all that, just the basics and a happy home. I will definitely do things differently this time around (when it happens). Best of luck to you :)

We are trying to get out. Just taking longer than expected. We have gone to therapy and he has stood up to her and continues to do so. But with someone like her, it goes in one ear and out the other.

Don't be upset over a few people, most of us understand that you come here to vent (and many of us understand that while pregnant, things that are normally not a big deal DO end up making us feel crazy). Your MIL sounds like a very manipulative person, and they can be hell to deal with. It does not matter if you are living with her or not, she would still act like this (and obviously has since before you where married), so why should that even enter into the discussion? Some people just like to make others feel bad, don't let them and you win! 

Thanks. It really feels like the hormones are doing it. I am usually well balanced when not preggo.

 I apologize if I implied by my reply to that thread that i thought you were a *****  I definitely do not!  I actually think you are a great person based on your posts here.  I also understand that we do not know all the details of your situation and don't always get to read all posts that would correspond to the upcoming vent.

I have my own share of MIL issues.  However, I think mine are on the other end of your spectrum.

I honestly don't remember who made me feel like that but I accept your apology. I haven't gone back to address individual issues people brought up. Just the ones I remembered. Hell, I could have been having a bad day and it all just set me off.

 I feel bad for you and all of this extra undue stress that your MIL is adding to your and your husband's life.  She sounds mentally unstable.  For your well being and especially your baby's well being, you need to move away.  I would bet anything it gets worse and before a situation turns violent, it would be best to move.  Why stay in a unhealthy living situation that could potentially harm your baby????