OT: Am I making too much of this? (MIL related)

 So I am in the planning stages of Alex's 1st birthday.  I have already sent out invitations, and my MIL told me not to bother wasting the stamp to mail her one because they won't be coming for it (They live 1000 miles away).  She basically said "It's not like he's going to remember it anyway."  I was a bit hurt by that comment. This is their only grandchild and truth be told, he WILL remember it through pictures.  If anyone has me on Facebook, they know I'm a picture nazi!  Eventually, he will look through pictures of his baby days and see that his Nanny and Papa aren't in any of those pictures.

Now with that being said, a lot of you are probably saying.. 'well they live really far away'.  Yes, they do... but they are flying out to stay about 4 hours away in October to go to their niece's wedding!  How is their 40 year old niece's wedding more important than their grandchild's 1st birthday?

Oh, and also, I have a majorly bad gut feeling that my MIL will not be with us much longer.  She is constantly having medical issues.  (broken hip, ARDS, Stroke.... all within the last 5 years).  So, God forbid she doesn't make it to a birthday she feels is worth the memory for Alex... He'll have no pictures of them at these events!  

Am I overreacting?

Maybe they are limiting their travel because of her health issues or because of financial reasons?   A wedding is a different kind of milestone than a first birthday.  Your son will have more birthdays (that he will remember) but their niece will (hopefully) only have one wedding.  I'm sure the fact that they won't be there doesn't mean that they love your son any less.

Thank you for the reality check.  LOL  I figured I was being the Mama Bear and overreacting.

Oh I don't doubt they love their grandchild.  He is their one and only.  I think the wedding thing just miffed me a bit because shes been with this guy for 10 years and they already have children.. it's more a formality at this point.  

I'm just more concerned that at the rate of her constant medical issues occurring she might not have the chance to make it to any more of his birthdays.  

And a bit of info I left out... its not just her health that keeps her from coming, because she goes on other trips and such... it's that she is a gambler, and even has her name listed in casino's for not being allowed to enter due to addiction.  So she pretty much gambled all their money away..(ie $20k in ONE WEEKEND!!!)  So I think I more resent that she did that and now they can't afford to go to both.  

Yes.
A wedding is more of a milestone than a 1st birthday. Since they live so far away, it isn't reasonable to expect that they come. Your son won't remember or care at the time. When he gets older, he should be able to understand and appreciate that they couldn't be there because of the distance. They should try to see him in October, then they can have more of a personalized visit.
This is a good chance to demonstrate to your son that the world doesn't revolve around him. Just being honest.

 Thanks for the honesty.  I figured I was overreacting.  Though I did add a bit more info about the situation to the previous poster's reply :)

 I don't think your overreacting!! I would be upset too!! You have every right to be you want Gma and Gpa to be there!! Sorry!!
Jessica

 Thanks Jessica!  I couldn't vent on facebook because "Nanny" and the whole clan are frequent stalkers of mine.. lol  

Just my opinion. What I would do is tell her you're going to send her an invitation for keepsake purposes. That way you'll have a clear conscience and she can't say you didn't send one. Then if/when they don't come, be sure and tell her how great it was. Maybe, if she's still able, she will try harder to get to the next one.

I've always been a little perplexed by birthday parties for babies myself. My family NEVER had birthday parties for us, even when we were older. Just the way my family is. But my husband's family has a party for every bowel movement, I swear!! LOL So, I'm sure we'll have to compromise somewhere. But thanks to your post, I can at least see a point of having pictures to show the little guy later and he'll know how much he is loved. (thanks)

I guess my point is, You do your part, and it sounds like you have, by inviting them. If they don't come, it's their concsience that will suffer, not yours. As far as momentos when your son is older and would wonder why they weren't a part of the event, maybe you could tell your MIL you'd like them to be a part of the party in some way and could she maybe write a nice note to your son that you could put in with the photo book for later. Just a thought...

Good luck!
Don't stress!! Not good for you!
Kina

 My family sounds like your husband's.  We are huge birthday people!  LOL  I think that's why I'd rather be at a birthday party than a wedding.. lol  (I just got the invite for the same wedding today)

I have sent out the invitations to everyone, even those I know won't be coming.  

Yes and no.

My family is 12 hours away and wont be able to make it for any birthdays we have here for Punkin. I grew up not really knowing two sets of grandparents. That is because two out of my three sets live in Florida and I was in Ohio. I got cards, letters, and phone calls from the one set and did see them about once every 5 years. In fact, she is the one that paid for my WLS. So you can still be close even with the distance. My advice is just don't let Alex know they went to the wedding and help him understand it's too far for them to come to everything. My mom has money issues. She spends it as fast as she gets it. I won't let that come into play with why she isn't here. I will just let the kid know that grandma loves it and just can't come because it is so far and can't get off work. That's also true since her work is crazy with time off.

That being said, yeah, I think it's crappy that they are going to the wedding instead of the party. I would think the 1st b-day would be more important than a wedding. Take lots of pics when they are together. That way he can still have memories when he is older about them being together.


If you don't think she will be around long I would try to get out to her as much as possible.