*OT* Some people just don't get it!

This has nothing to do with pregnancy or kids but I love this board and you ladies really understand me so I thought I would vent here. My aunt was in town yesterday from FL and I haven't seen her since last winter so this is the first time she has seen me after my big weight loss. She also didn't see me when I was at my heaviest. Well yesterday she was looking through my parents digital camera and saw some old pics of me from 2007-08 and in the judgmental tone she says, "You were a little hefty kiddo!" I just looked up at her and said, "What?" and she repeated herself. I just looked at her blankly and walked away and went in the other room and cried. I don't know why I cried I just couldn't help it. I hate how people seem to think that my fat self is dead and gone and I am a brand new person. I am the same FU**ING person and I have feelings! I didn't want to be called a fat cow when I was bigger and I still don't want to be called a fat cow just because it is in past tense. I still feel like I have to defend who I was and I am sad for the old me because everyone sees how disgustingly obese I was now that I am smaller. It's so strange because I can argue that I am still the same person but then on the other hand I feel like I am a different person now and that fat person is like my old best friend or sister that has died but the people around me talk down about her and it hurts me because she didn't do anything to deserve what people are saying about her. I hope I don't sound too crazy. I'm pretty sure most of you know exactly how I am feeling right now. I just don't know if my feelings are coming out right....

-Ashlie

I used to get offended when people brought to my attention that I was fat... but you know what?  I was!  LOL.  Now, if they'd said something like, "Damn, you were ugly" or "I don't see much improvement" or "You took the easy way out", then I would probably fly off the handle.

Look at it this way... you ARE better off now.  It hurts to have people state the obvious, but some people just lack that etiquette filter.  I'm sure she meant it as a roundabout compliment.

I understand how you feel. Its almost like I feel peoples 'real thoughts' about how they felt about me then hurt, because I just felt like people accepted me as I was, and then to hear them say something negative, true or not, just cuts. A few weeks ago my hubby made a comment about how my ass used to have its own area code. While he was joking, it still was pretty accurate, and hurt, and I cried. It hurts expecially now too, because I have gained 31 pounds so far with this pregnancy, and while its not as much as some people, it still scares me that it may or may not come off afterwards. And then I wonder what if the weight gain dosent stop... and all these preggo emotions start screwing with my brain... anyways I have managed to turn this into about me, and I seriously just ment to empathise with you lol. You are nottt alone... I am herrrre with you... Lol jk. Cheer up :)

I understand why it offended you...and she might think about it and realize.  Most people have no idea what 'we' go through- the self hate that most of us have / had, the guilt.  Yet when it comes down to it- we start to realize we aren't the same person...but yet we are.  To me her comment wasn't horrible- yet one that probably could have been said with more class- like WOW look at what a great job you did, you look fabulous.  At least to me- the world will always view me with judgemental eyes- no matter if I am a size 8 or 28, I feel like I am still being judged.  I noticed people who don't struggle with weight- are clueless to how 'our' world works. And I have also tried to explain the sister theory before to a friend...haha I don't think she got it- but then again, she was never chubby

Sometimes older people just have no tact.
Halfway through my weightloss, my daughter had her 1st dance recital. I knew we were going to be taking a lot of pics, and I thought I looked pretty good, (having lost 60 lbs). I bought a new dress and had my hair highlighted. One of these pics with my daughter is proudly displayed in my LR. The other day, my mom walks past, looks and says  "Oh my gosh, look how fat you still were!" What a blow. And...SHE had WLS too. Sheesh.

I feel your pain. I have almost started playing the live outside my body game I played when I was over 300 lbs. Laughing with them about my fat and how big I really was, but it hurts. Most people do think its a separate person and you dont feel it anymore. I think we need to stand up for our old selves and give "her" some confidence. "She" was courageous enough to do something about it. "She" was strong enough to keep up her weight loss after the fact. "She" was still beautiful on the inside and has brought that beauty outward. So many other things that should make "her" proud when talking to others. Let it "roll off your shoulder". That's what I have decided to do after I give them a gentle piece of my mind.

My own husband was looking at my pictures from right before surgery and he didn't stop to think, he blurted out... "I never realized it, but you really looked like a stuffed pig"!!! I could not believe that came out of his mouth. I was so hurt, and he didn't understand until I told him, that that is still me, the only thing that changed was the weight, and I am still the same person! It hurt really bad! So I understand.

Ashlie, I totally get it! I was at a family reunion the last week and had the same thing happen. My favorite is, "Do you feel better?" As if I didn't feel good or something was really wrong with me. That is the highlight off someone who has never struggled with weight like we have. yes I was heavy, but I was still a person and I had a life and I struggled and was happy just like everyone else. For heaven's sake! That is my pet peeve. Anyway, I get what you're saying and have experienced it myself. I wish people could understand that life really is a journey, and that you can change no matter what and still be who you are and worthwhile at any point in your journey.

Carrie

I think if people have never had a weight problem or a close family memeber that has had one they truly don't understand what they are saying might be hurtful. It sucks when people say things like that.