Question re IVF for us members of the AMA Club?

As many of you know, I'm one of the older ones - if not THE oldest - out here - 42 years old.  Since my last mc in July 2009 (one year ago), I've pretty much given up any real hope that I'd get pg and stay that way, partially because drs keep beating me down and saying that the mc are all caused by my age...and DH hasn't been willing to consider IVF.  He doesn't believe the problem is age...and though I'm not 100% convinced it's the cause of all of the mc's, I am realistic enough to realize it's probably at least a factor for some of them.

I haven't pushed it and just let it be...because if we're both not in agreement to the methods of getting pg, then there's no point in trying.  Now, on his own - no pushing or guilt trips from me (at least not intentional ones) - he's started talking about IVF.  However, he will not consider egg donation...so it'd have to be my eggs.  I'm OK with that...because at least he's talking about considering trying the IVF.  I have had FSH tests that came back good for my age (8+), and whatever test they do for the ovarian reserves came back good too (I don't know the specific #s for that...just that the dr said it was good).

I was wondering what you all felt the chances of success w/IVF are at my age?  Is there anyone in the ballpark of 40~ish years old who have had IVF and gotten pg with good results?  Maybe even after a history of mc's?   I know some of the younger ones of you out there have...but since they still beat me w/my age even re IVF, I'm wondering about success rates for AMA Club members.  How many eggs were retrieved? When in the cycle do they start the meds? before your period?  A few days after?  How many weeks does the whole IVF cycle take? 

I have gotten pg relatively easily in the past...just can't stay that way.  If I'm going to go that route, I'm going to insist on the genetic testing, simply because all these drs keep insisting the mc's are based on my age...so if we can weed out any bad eggs, then hopefully that'd give me a better chance.

The main worries that has made DH not want IVF has been that he's worried 1) that they'll mix up sperm/eggs in the lab and then we'll end up with a baby that's not 'ours,' which is important to him culturally...I've never really thought of it one way or the other; or 2) that if they did fertilize a few eggs and only implanted some of them, he doesn't trust they'll freeze any 'left overs' for us, but that they'd use them for someone else.  Those are things we'd have to talk to the dr/lab about and work past for him to get comfortable with it. 

I have not had IVF but I have to very close friends who have and walked the process with them. One was 44 at the time of IVF and now has twin boys who are five. She had miscarriages before (several) and had trouble getting pregnant after them. They said age was an issue and didn't want to mess around. They retrieved 9 eggs from her and she had 7 fertilize.

My other friend was 43 at the time and never could get pregnant on her own. She had six eggs retrieved and 3 fertilized and has a 1 1/2 year old little girl.

I will let someone else give you the specifics of their IVF on medication and etc. I just wanted to wish you luck and so glad to hear that you husband is considering it. Sending you nothing but support and good vibes from Texas!

Traci

Thank you Traci -

That's great news regarding your friends.  At least it lets me know that there may still be a little time left for me. ; ) 

IVF is not really that expensive here - I think less than $5,000...probably closer to less than $3,000.  DH is talking about checking on having it done in Egypt - because he thinks they'd be more sensitive to the cultural issues behind it than Bulgaria would - and I'm fine with that as long as I can figure out when in the cycle I'd have to go and how long I'd have to stay...and then he'd have to take into consideration that it may take a few tries.  He and DS are going to Egypt this weekend for a few weeks and he'll go talk to one of the clinics there and find out that information to see if it's feasible and whether he 'trusts' them. Personally...I'm just happy he's finally thinking about it.  It's a step in the right direction.

Hope your bp comes down (I saw your other post, but am still working on jet lag from traveling over the weekend and didn't get a chance to reply) so you don't have to do the bed rest.  You're almost there...I know you can't wait to meet your little one.   

no advice but I wanted to wish you all the luck in the world if you do go this route!

Thank you Liz.  DH is traveling to Egypt this weekend and he wants to talk to some of the clinics there.  The only one I've talked to here, when he mentioned IVF and I asked him what was involved, told me to read about it online...he couldn't answer any questions himself, which doesn't breed (pun intended) a lot of confidence in his abilities.  I'll also look around and see what other clinics are available here.  I know the dr here knows what he's doing...and I know it could be a language thing...but just telling me to read about it myself rather than explaining it to me...eh...

I didn't have IVF, couldn't afford it.  I did have 8 IUI's and none took.  AMA is what I was told.  I started see docs about 42.5 post WLS, did tests etc. clomid, femara and ended trying at 44.5.   Docs strongly urged donor eggs and IVF around 43yo but we didn't have the $$.  I believe my FSH test was 7 something.    Everything was clear, tubes wide open.  They told me my chances w/o D/E about 2 in 10 each cycle on fertility drugs.    I was also warned my mc rate was around 40%.  On my IUI cycles I was putting out 3 to 5 really good follicles each time on 5X200 of clomid (which was emotional hell) and we thought we caught one twice but lost them on implantation.    Personally, I gave myself an age limit and when I hit it, I stopped. 

I believe you can make advance directives with your leftovers, that might help your hubby.   If you are with a reputable fertility clinic it shouldn't be an issue; legalities are usually laid bare upfront; not sure how it is outside the states though.   There are organizations that do Embryo Adoption these days wherein folks adopt leftover embryos and have them implanted in order to experience pregnancy and birth.   I'm thinking bloodlines is what your husband is concerned about and that is very culturally valid for some.  Good Luck!   If you can afford the IVF, I'd give it at least one go round!

Thanks Jackie.  I did three IUIs and one took and I mc'd that one too.  Had three 'natural' pgs also with the same results.  All of them, all the drs chalk up to AMA, as if I couldn't posibly have one good egg left in me. 

IVF is not really that expensive here or in many of the surrounding countries.  I'm sure it's less than $5K, and I'm thinking it's less than $3K.  I can't remember for sure how much the dr told me when I saw a specialist here...but it's much less than in the U.S.  I saw something online last night that even in Canada it's much less expensive - about $4500, plus the meds. 

Like you, I've sort of set myself a limit on how long I'll keep trying.  I haven't mentioned it to DH...because it seems to me it's more a 'me' thing to wrap my mind around it...since all the mc's, he's been more of a mind set to just let it be and accept what it is w/o trying to work around it.  Not that he doesn't want another baby...he's just able to be thankful for the son we have and accept that that's all that was meant to be.  I'm willing to accept it...but haven't given up 100% of the possibilities of anything happening.  Otherwise, I'll always have it in the back of my mind about 'what if I'd tried 'this' 'that' or 'the other.'

In the back of my mind, my time frame is when I leave Bulgaria - in approximately three years.  That'd put me at 45 years old.  Not that I'd prevent anything after that...but I'd have to quit trying.  I've even started looking into the plastic surgeries under the assumption that another baby is not in the plans for me.  If we don't have another one by then, then that's the route I'll take.

I saw last night on the news that a 66 year old woman in India, using donor eggs, just had triplets.  She said she and her 70 year old husband wanted children to inherit their land.  I don't know if they'd had children in the past who had died or if they'd just never been able to have children.  That's crazy.  Her dr was the same one who helped a 70 year old woman a few years ago have a baby.

Although I haven't done IVF, I do have to say that I understand where your hubby is coming from- we have always had to do IUI and my husband, also from a different cultural background, was really concerned about getting things mixed up and the baby not being ours. The clinic we used the first few times had a strict procedure to ensure that the washed sperm was ours- he liked that. The clinic that actually worked, however, is connected to my OB and they only do that sort of thing every now an then, so the nurse did the spinning and everything while we waited, so there were no concerns there. As to the leftovers, I should think they would be destroyed- or disposed of as you see fit. I would definitely have hubby ask the Dr/clinic staff that one!

I know a lot of people that have been successful with IVF well past 42- Hopefully you will find the same success! Good luck in the process- It's so stressful! 

Carrie

Where is your husband from?  Mine's from Egypt, and since adoption is still a very rare thing there, doing sperm/egg donor techniques is still almost unheard of.  IVF and IUI are becoming more common though.  When we did IUI in Jakarta, he was worried to death about that too, even though they did all the spinning/washing, etc while we sat there in the waiting room.  I 'get it' that it's a cultural/religious aspect...but if it were just my decision, I wouldn't care one way or the other.

How are the babies doing?  Hopefully you're able to get some rest betwen feedings and they're not tag-teaming you.

Oh Holly, there are so many thoughts I have about this.  The most important is not to wait.  I didn't know that this was not a consideration for you and that there were "issues" about getting help.  In the world of our eggs, you are a very wise woman, you know that we are on a steady decline.  So, 42 is dramatically different from even 41 AND 43+ will only be more dramatically declined in terms of viable eggs.  YOU CAN WAIT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HOLD YOUR BABY IN YOUR ARMS!!!

My boss was 46 when she conceived her son with her very own egg and a sperm donor.  She had been trying for a couple of years so that egg (then embryo)  could have been a couple of years old.  My good friend Nance was 47 and used donor eggs for her fraternal twin boys after failing with her own.  Nance and her husband couldn't be happier.  I see her with those boys - who are so beautiful and mellow and see a life and longing that have happily come together  (Nance found love very late).  Another friend used his sperm and donor eggs after years of devastating failure to hold a pregnancy - they were both in their very late 40's AND God, they are so happy with their boy/girl twins.

You know the story of my maternal and paternal grandmothers - 46 and 47 natural conception, normal pregnancy, very normal children.  Though our age is a factor, It's the luck of the draw!  Some 44 year olds have no problem.

Holly, you can have success - do whatever it takes if a baby is what you really want.  It would be horrible to sit in your rocker full of longing and regret.

For me, I'd be inconsolable if I were told that I'd never hold my baby in my arms.  When the time comes, I will do whatever it takes.  I'd like to do it "the old fashioned way", I'd like my own egg but if it got down to it, I'd use a donor.  My nieces are willing to donate and 2 are willing to actually carry if I have issues.  Isn't that crazy!

Holly, I hope all your dreams of expanding your family come true.

Best,
Leila