Mother knows best??

thanks so much!  I do realize that things change and that my plan can be effected by others, but just like my "birth plan" i am subeject to changes as they arise, I just want to be able to weigh the costs and concequences...

I have been getting lectures because i want my daughter to have a paci, (helps with sids...etc) but i dont want her to have it until she learns to latch on, and I dont want her to have it after about 6 months or so.....i realize it WILL be hard to take it away from her...and this plan may change, or she may not even take a paci.....

we are going with huggies pure and natural also...and DH and I have bought EVERY pack and havent asked for ANY help on anything that she needs....I have actually stocked her dresser cabinet and used coupons the entire time...luckily i havent paid over $6 a pack for her diapers!  (I THINK THIS IS GREAT!!) I just dont see a point in spending less money on diapers but more money possibly on desitin...or dr visits because I wanted to be "cheap"  its quality not quantity IMO.

Im not against TV either...I watch TV (its all i can do since im on bed rest) but, I dont think a child sitting in front of one for 5-6 hours a day is healthy when I was there as a child and it helped to contribute to my obesity...I was taught poor habits, that could have been prevented!  

I think DH and I will discuss who is and who isnt in the delivery room and see what we come up with, originally I wanted my step mom there because I dont know if DH can handle me all by himself...lol. but now I am starting to wonder if its really worth it.  Like you said, pick my battles. I dont want to say something in the heat of the moment that ill regret.

It is your baby, your choice.

I agree re the soda and sweets...they are occasional treats, but I'm sure along the way your daughter will have some - whether at family functions or parties or whatever.  Just make sure when you're raising her that she knows that they're just that, occasional treats, not daily treats.  Honestly, knowing that you, like the rest of us, suffered from obesity...that's all the more reason to try to keep the kids away from the junk, because I do believe that to a certain extent, obesity is genetic...so start the fight to keep her healthy while she's....well...healthy. 

I'd suggest sitting down with your mom when you feel like you can do it w/o blowing up and explain it to her from that perspective...that having been obese your whole life, you want to do your best to start your daughter on the right foot to avoid having to go through that. 

Re the TV...unless your mom's going to be doing the day-care for you, then you control the TV watching also.  If you can't trust that she's not going to let her watch too much TV (too much based on YOUR standards), then I'd look for alternative care. 

Can't give any input on today's diapers...my son's 15...but when he was little, I used Kirklands (Costco) brand most of the time and I was fine with them.

Whether you have your mom in the delivery room is a choice only you and your husband can make.  Your husband may have his own wishes - maybe he wants to be your only support, maybe he feels like he'll need help.  Talk to him and find out if he has any opinion...then make your decisions from there.  Myself...I lived in NY when my son was born...my family is on the West Coast...my husband's family in Egypt, so it was just the two of us.  Because I'm sort of a private person - even with something as life altering as that...I did not want a room full of people - or even one additional person - when my son was born.  If I'd wanted my mom there, we'd have flow her there...but I chose not to and am glad that I did.  Other people I know need their mother there, and that's fine...that's their choice and that's what they're comfortable with.  You have to do what's best for you, your husband and most importantly, your daughter.

usually i dont reply to pose like these.... not my child not my problem... no... your not a stupid mom .. and of course doing anything to put your child in danger is dumb.... however like the previous poster stated sometimes reality kicks in and you find you cant afford huggies any more and must use a brand of less cost... guess what.. up and up brand is the best diaper ive ever had catch **** and poop... and a new born will go at thru at least 12 diapers a day... teh dry max has basically be found unfounded... its parents that dont change thier kid enough... chemcial reactions can happen with all diapers... an occasional sweet is ok... dont put your fear of obesity on your child.. it will screw things up in the long run... my 1.5 yoa would rather eat a salad then have chicken nuggets... will pick milk over juice...and water over milk.. guess what again... that same 1.5 yoa is over 30 lbs... and wears 4t..he literally runs from the time he wakes up.. until he takes his nap.. then runs more until bed time... i DO use the tv to relax him so he will sit down and calm down before nap/bed... he has all those developmental toys... his fave thing to play with is the dog and dirt outside... good luck.

I have very, very different ideas on parenting then most of the people in my family, I am what they call a "crunchy" mom, and to me it's a badge of honor and to them it's "strange". Everyone has something to say about the way I do things, but I just let it roll right off and do what I want. It always amazes me that they are always telling me all the things I am doing "wrong", yet praise my children for being so good, smart, funny and independent. HELLO, do you think they where born that way? Uh, no, they are a product of all my "wrong" parenting.

I think alot of times people feel insecure about their own way of doing things and so when you decide not to do something they do all the time they feel like you are judging them, so they have to tell you that your way is dumb to make themselves feel better about the choices they make.

Learn to smile and nod and say "ok", but just keep doing things your way and making the decisions you want to make for your child.

HUGS, its hard to go against what everyone, especially those who are close to us, is telling you, but you have to make the decisions you feel are best for YOUR family.

THANK YOU!!  I really needed to hear that!!

I know that impending first time motherhood is very anxiety provoking- you're feeling a lot of responsibility for this new little person and want things to be just so. Understandable. We all do that to some extent. When I was in your shoes, I remember people telling me that I wouldn't always be able to keep everything up like I thought I would- in the end they were right. Your child is a person with their own personality- things may need to adapt and change. I would be careful about too much food restriction however- I am currently working on a master's thesis dealing with childhood obesity and nutrition- Parents *****stict food intake actually have children who are bigger- think about it- dieting doesn't work well for adults, and it's worse for kids. I have some book recommendaitons if you're interested, but essentially the scientific evidence points to children/infants/toddlers being able to self regulate their food intake very well, and sometimes they are genetically predisposed to be larger, but if they are growing steady, then they are growing the right way for them, and parents who try to change that end up with more problems than just a perceived "weight" problem. That being said, pop and sticky buns for a snack every day would be negligent as far as feeding your child goes. But once in a while and paired alongside healthy choices helps get the message across that food is to be enjoyed and not restricted. Just my two cents on that issue. As for the delivery room, my first baby my mom was there and that was helpful for me, because she was a nurse who specialized in labor and delivery. This time around it was just hubby and I, not necessarily by choice since my mother passed away a few years ago. But I have ot say that the experience was so much better when it was just the two of us! Let her know that you really want to share this with just your hubby, especially the first time around. Also, you could just let her know nonchalantly that when she judges the way you wish to raise your daughter you feel offended and you want your daughter to have a good relationship with grandma, and that starts with mom having a good relationship with grandma. Good luck.

Carrie

Just gonna throw my 2 cents in again, as a former daycare provider. I only took care of 6 mos-24 month babies because that is what my house was set up for. I almost always had 3 babies all day during the week. Never a problem with any of them, all the parents were happy. I got a new 8 month old baby one day and during the interview everything seemed fine, no unusual requests. Then one day she asks me to start cleaning my house with nothing but vineger and water. Then it was, her baby couldn't be in the same room if the TV was on (I occasionally put on baby mozart dzds or elmos world). Then she demanded I move his crib to the huge picture window in the LR so that he could get extra vitamin D while he napped. I had to tell her, NO, I would be disinfecting my house and toys daily with chemicals, NO I was not going to re-arrange my home, being that we had outside time every day and my house had no shortage of windows, and NO I was not going to make him stay in another room if I occasionally put on another DVD. Her demands were ridiculous and not fair to the other babies. I explained all this as nicely as possible but she was still a control freak. I even found a micro-casset recorder that was ON, in the kids diaper bag. I told her she needed to find another daycare and last I heard, she is still looking.

Hi

First Congrats for your little girl, they are wonderful.
Second good on you for standing up to your family with what you want for your daughter.

I am a mother of 3 ( 15, 6 and 2) and have one on the way. I can only go by what I have done with my children. As for nappies until your LO tries the nappies you buy, you won't know how her skin will react with them. My DS1 couldn't wear Huggies, burnt the hell out of his bottom. He was put in hospital for 4 days from one nappy that was on him for 30min. I went to clothe nappies and he was then fine. I take my own nappies to the hospital when I have my children so I don't think that's weird at all.

Eating healthy food that's great. I don't know what the "bun" thing is but I have apples, carrots, celery foods like that for my children for after school. I know that if they do go to a friends place I don't sweat that they had cookies or such as I know the food I give will balance it back out. On the other hand I do have a daughter who has sensory disabilities, so I accommodate for her with her eating and playing.

I have had a paci for all my children. My oldest boy kept them until he was 3, my 2 yr old still has his for bedtime and my girl swapped hers for her thumb at 6 weeks. I gave them all a paci from when they were born as you don't want to become their paci for going to sleep ( it will hurt your nipples bigtime) and it will brake your heart hearing her cry for something to go to sleep with, and that's if she even wants a paci. I had no problems with  my LO's latching on for breastfeeding

As for having your mom in the room that is completely up to you and your DH. I didn't have my MIL in there only my mom (which didn't go well with MIL) This is your time and DH time welcoming your LO into the world. Yes she has had her time and now it's yours. Maybe have her outside in a waiting room and when you want her in there someone can get her?

Your not a stupid mom, and really I can't believe she even said that.

We all have our own ways of what we want to do for our own children. We only want the best for them, that is what being a parent is partly about but you must also remember your LO will have her own personality and what you might want might not always be what she wants. kwim?

It's hard taking a stand against people with certain things and you will have to be careful on family/ friends sneaking foods to her saying "shhhh don't tell mom" until she can say that she doen't want that stuff herself.

Best wishes
Chrystale


Sorry it's so long  

You are the mother and only you have the right to raise your child the way you see fit.  It simply does not matter what others say or if they agree with you. Don't waste your energy getting upset about others opinions..TRUST me.  No two parents raise children exactly alike, and that's the power of choice.

I have learned over the years that some things you might because even more adamant about, and others you might become more relaxed about...just leave yourself open to the learning process and all will be well.

-Jennifer