Update.. baby blues, maybe?

Hi Ladies,

Just thought I would post a brief update.  Londyn is doing great.  She is getting bigger everyday.  I am doing a combo of formula and breast.  She did superb at nursing while we were in the hospital.  We came home saturday afternoon and later that night, she refused my left breast.  I don't know if it was because my milk was in full force or what, it was in at the hospital, but not completely.  Anyway, that was the start of the problem.  Then she started refusing the right breast.  It was frustrating and disheartening.  I have nursed all my kids.  I figure breastfeeding should be a relaxing and peaceful experience.  She seems so stressed out when I am trying to nurse her... so I'll just pump and feed her and supplement with formula.  Me and pumps don't get along to well.. but I seem to be doing ok with the manual one.  I have an electric Medela, but can't find one of the parts I need for it. 

I'm an emotional wreck lately.  I don't think I have ever felt like this after I had a baby.  I have been crying off and on over nothing.  I have a headache that just won't quit.  I went to the doc and they told me to call the anesthesiology dept that did my spinal.  I am not sure that it is a spinal headache though.. I had one with my son and this one isn't as intense as the one I had after Sam.  Yesterday, we were at the store, I was literally walking for like 2 mins and my lower back started spasming... never had one of those before... it was like a pulsating, throbbing pain.  It last a few mins, but I was in tears.  We were supposed to go to the grocery store after that, but Jer insisted I go home and lay down.  I was a wreck.  He took the baby to the store with him and my older girls played dollhouse with Syd downstairs.  I took a 1/2 a xanax and slept for like 3 hours.  Last night he went to his softball game and I did nothing while he was gone.  He came home and hinting that his friends wanted him to go to the club for a beer (he is on a beer league for softball) and I just started bawling, because I didn't want him to leave me alone again. 

I haven't been too bad today... he had to leave this morning to drive to Baltimore to pick up his son at the airport.  He should be back by 7pm... but I feel so lost.  I don't feel like myself at all.  I guess it bothers me because I have never felt this way before.  I had my tubes tied because we are done having kids... 6 is enough for sure.  I really am ok with it... but something sort of bothers me knowing that I will never experience the joys of pregnancy again, or a newborn again... but relief that I won't experience the bad parts of pregnancy either. 

So I have the blues I am thinking.. on top of a headache that won't quit, barely any sleep, failed at nursing my baby... and I feel like someone else is in my body.  I am ready for the real me to come back.. because the fake me doesn't cope as well as the real me.  lol

Here are a few pics

Oh my sweet girl I wish I had something to say to fix you...my only suggestion is call and mention ppd and maybe they will listen,  I would tell you my last 3 weeks, but I cannot even know where to begin.,,short version...my 15 year old decided she wants to be a lesbian...we told her know decisions like that are made at 15...no different than having sex with a boy would not be allowed in my house.  Well as most of you know I still suffer medically...2 weeks ago she drugged me up...knocked me out...called her dad who she has literally hated for 6 years to the point of calling him sperm donor...when I woke up...she was gone...I know it is because he wont parent he will let her do what she wants,,,so I have nothing to fight back with...I feel like I have hadd a death in my family...my weight has dropped 12 pounds....doc wanted to admit me Monday and i said no as he would not give me a release goal...I have other kids that need me and I CANNOT be gone indefinitely....I am spent and feel like a failure...I suck as a mom and nothing I can do to change that now...I don't know where to go from here...if you believe in prayer...I ask for that...I will pray for you because that is what I believe in...if you don't want me to...pleasetell me as I woule never want to offend anyone...hang in there and I am always here if you need me...rembmer I have 8...so we kinda gett it.

Hugs and love B,

Laura

if you an to text I am at 253-682-8960

Oh SWEETS,
I think about you often and wonder how you are doing. Sorry to hear that you are having troubles again. I will be praying for you. :)

Let me know if you need anything.

Hi, sorry you are going throught this. I noted you had RNY, have you been keeping up on your vitamins? I have been really depressed, then I added a b-vitamin complex, as well as adding a daily b-12 sublingual to my monthly shot. I have been feeling much better since then. A b-12 deficiancy (or lack of B vites in general) can cause moodiness, insomnia, and depression, as well as mood swings). I definitely have extra energy now and less mood swings. Also, try getting outside as much as possible with the warmer weather, just being in the sunlight helps, I think. I hope you feel better soon! Enjoy your new baby, she is gorgeous! Best of luck to you :)

Cute!!
Sorry you're having the baby blues. I had that for a few weeks with my first and I'm sure I'll have it somewhat with this one too. I hope it goes away soon. For me, I know the lack of sleep messes with me the most.

That last picture is soooo cute with her little double chin! :)

I am so sorry you are so down. I am so proud of you for opening up and talking about it. So many people just say 'oh things are blissfully happy and all is perfect' even if they are crying behind closed door nightly. Talking about it is the first step towards feeling better, because people are going to support you, and that always helps, right?

i would suggest calling your ob. Let her know exactly what you told us, including the back spasms, headaches and blues. It could be that maybe they placed the spinal weirs and it is effecting your nerves somehow. I always have back issues the 1st few months after my epidurals, dont know why.. she may also have some suggestions for the blues. I dont know alot about what you are going through, but I DO know that you are NOT a failure. Things WILL get better, exspecially if you keep on talking about your feelings and reaching out!!

HUGGS!

Bridget,
Hang in there honey. I hope that you are doing ok and that they will find something while in the hospital. I remember that for 2 weeks after my son was born, I was very weepy as well. Cried at the drop of a hat.

Let me know if you need anything.

I am so sorry you have the "Baby Blues"! I had that and it wasn't easy. Most of the day I was great but towards the end of the day when the bedtime battle was drawing near or my husband had to leave me for a night or two I would just lose it out of nowhere. It was the worst feeling deep inside. It was like really bad anxiety! Eventually it just faded away once I got my routine down. I hope it gets better for you soon and if it doesn't seem to be letting up then I would talk to your PCP about possible PPD. Feel better soon honey!!

-Ashlie

You don't have to give up on nursing entirely. Rowan was a pretty finiscky nurser as well, especially for the first couple of months. He would usuaully nurse fine in the morning, but refuse to nurse in the evening while happily taking a bottle. Just offer it, but have a bottle handy just in case.
As for the baby blues, a couple of days after I got home I starting crying over every little thing as well, I kept soldiering on, thinking it would get better, and then I told Rowan's pediatrician how I was feeling and he basically said, "there is no reason to suffer, we have drugs for this!" Two days after I started zoloft, I was a brand new woman.