A confession and a question? VBAC? long

     Totally weird confession, but I feel completely cheated out of the type of birth I wanted to experience.  I've always wanted to give birth vaginally.  I am very sad I did not get to experience it.  I feel like I did not even "give birth" I feel like I just "had a baby."  When I tell this to people who had their children naturally, they usually say "I WISH someone would have cut my kids out, you didn't have to do all that work blah blah blah."

    I've always wanted my mother there with me when I had my children.  She will never be able to witness the birth of her grandchildren because I will most likely have to have a c-section again.  The only part about Sage's birthday that makes me sad is that Russell did not get to see his daughters birth, he did not get to cut her cord, there are no pictures of her coming out and that I did not get to hold my baby for over 2 hours after she was born.  I know it's what needed to be done for her sake, but I cannot help but feel this way.

    The hospital I delivered at does not do VBAC's but they said if I wanted to go to another hospital I might be able to do one next time.  We are in the process of moving to PA right now, because that's where DH works, so next time I will most likely be at another hospital.

    I feel weak because I was not able to have a vaginal delivery.  I know it's silly.  I am the first woman in my family to have to have one. 

    Has anyone on here had a VBAC?  My husband is completely opposed to it because he does not want anything bad to happen to me or the next baby.  But I would really like to try it.  In a way, having another c-section would be so much easier.  I would not have to go into labor and go through the pain of contractions and the anxiety of waiting to go into labor, but I WANT to give birth to my child.  I want them to be put on my chest after delivery, and I want my husband and mother in the room when the next one is born.

    I know this is a lot for one post but it has been on my mind for the passed month.  Has anyone had a VBAC?  What are your experiences?

Thanks a lot
Karen

I completely understand where you're coming from because I too felt the exact same way after the birth of my first child by emergency C-section. In fact, I not only felt cheated; I felt I'd failed in some way as a woman and mother. I hated the look of my staples and scar and mourned the loss of the scenerio I'd envisioned. It was a terrible time for me emotionally as well as physically.

I've now had 3 VBACs. My second son and my newest little one were both assisted vaginal deliveries...one by forceps and the other by vacuum. I was able to have my daughter (my 3rd child) with the help of a midwife and did not need any assistance with pushing. I can definitely tell you that all 3 of my vaginal births were so much easier to recover from. I think that fact alone helped me to deal with my newborns much better and put me in a better frame of mind.

There are still hospitals that do VBACs. I'd encourage you to find a doctor /hospital willing to let you do a trial of labor when you're ready to have your next one. That said, if you do have to have another C-section, I think you will be better able to handle it because you've now experienced the unexpected. You will be more mentally prepared for that possibility. I know that it was always in the back of my mind that I might have to have another C-section at some point and I was able to mentally prepare myself.

...and you did 'give birth'...and you've earned the scar to prove it. It's not easy to deal with major abdominal surgery, extended recovery time, AND take care of a newborn. You're doing great, momma...hang in there!

I have no advice, I know that a VBAC is possible but many doctors won't do them b/c of insurance reasons (so annoying!). I wanted to have one so bad, but for me it was just not possible b/c of the fact that I had to have a classical (up and down cut instead of side to side) with the triplets and it was just not safe to labor. So, I would say to push for what you want next time, but be safe about it and research, research, research. Be your own advocate, its the best way to get what you want.

You did get cheated out of your perfect birth. I feel the same way about my 5th delivery after 4 natural births, I opted to be induced because Reagan was born in the car and I was afraid to have that happen again. So many inductions end up in csections. I cringe every time I read that someone is going in to be induced because an alarming number end up with a less than great birth experience.

I hate to tell you this but Riley is almost 2 1/2 and I still get bouts of depression and anger over his birth. My OB made a huge mistake and almost killed him. I will forever be angry, it will never go away.

I would try for a VBAC if I were you, it will heal you. I just need to think of my other children's births in order to feel better. Riley's birth I was under general so there was no birth experience. Just waking up to the knowledge that my son was in NICU and took 30 minutes to breathe.

wow.  I am glad i'm not the only one that feels this way!  I cannot imagine being under general while my baby was being born.  They apparently were moments away from putting me out, I found out after the section because my left side wasn't numbing.  I think I am going to try for a VBAC, after all, it wasn't that I was progressing, it was the baby whose HR kept dropping.

I understand the feeling of loss that can come from having a c-section, even if you weren't a type A woman planning "the perfect birth," you know!  I have a 4-year-old and I'm pregnant again now and I am planning a VBAC.  I have very supportive nurse-midwives who are helping me and have a great attitude about allowing labor to start naturally if possible, monitoring for problems but not in a paranoid way.

I really agonized about my daughter's birth for a long time, and it was extra hard because I had some epidural failure during the cesarean (VERY scary) and my daughter had a brief NICU stay too.  It truly was traumatic (although worth it, of course) and I spent too much time Monday morning quarterbacking her birth and my decisions.  In retrospect, I had postpartum depression and ended up obsessive about birth and I think if I had it to do over, I'd get on some antidepressants, preferably those considered OK for nursing.

At any rate, you very well might have to have another c-section, but if you find a VBAC friendly practice and if all goes well, you may be able to have a vaginal birth.  Try not to let the sadness about your c-section cloud these fantastic weeks and months, and remember people who say stuff like they wish they'd had a c-section are probably just trying to make you feel better in some bizarre way.  Hang in there, and your daughter is really beautiful! 

I also felt cheated out of my birth experience and I had a really hard time choosing either VBAC or repeat C section. I really would prefer to have a VBAC but with my experience last time, I think the best choice for me is a repeat C section which is what I'll be going with. However, saying that, I still have the feelings of not really giving birth, etc. It's definately a mind game. I even fantasize about going into labor and being so far along that I just decide to try vaginally and it works just great. But in reality if I go into labor on my own and labor like I did last time and end up just having a C section again, I would be even more pissed off/worried, so I'm doing a repeat C section.

If you want a VBAC, find someone who will let you at least give it a try. I had to do that this time too- most twin deliveries end up as C-secs anyway, and most of the time the Dr will just require one. I found someone who would let me do a trial of labor as long as baby A had his head down when I went into labor, which he did. You were pregnant and carried your baby. It doesn't really matter in the end how they came out, but I can understand that for you the birth experience was really important. I'm different I guess, in that I don't like being pregnant, I don't like labor, I don't like all the healing, but I love being a mom and having that baby in my arms after. I only didn't want a C-section because of the increased recovery time and concerns over finances- they are really more expensive. I'm not in the best shape three days after my vaginal delivery either- I tore so bad that I have sooo many stitches I have to squat to pee because sitting on the toilet seat is too painful. Since you're moving this is a good time to maybe find a practioner that will allow VBACS, understanding their concerns and limits, and go from there. Now go hold your baby- You still brought her into this world!

Carrie

Birth truama is REAL!! My first was a c/s and she was scheduled at that. She was breech and the doctors I was seeing weren't very empathetic to my emotions. I was angered, saddened and so mcuh more. I felt cheated because I too had envisioned a vaginal birth the whole pregnancy.

I cried for WEEKS on end trying to turn my breech baby so I could have a vaginal birth instead.

I have gone on to have 6VBAC's now and we're planning on the 7th VBAC with this one. These last 6 will have all been born at home too!

You might benefit from some of these video's:
VBAmultipleC: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yK0K0HAgLDM
VBAC's & HBAC's after CPD "diagnosis": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roFVkDV45MM (*note this video no longer has music, so turn something on and watch, but strong message none the less.)

I personally wouldn't give up my dream of a vaginal birth based on a "what if" fear. I just couldn't do it! I KNEW . . .I KNOW my body is capable of giving birth naturally and I seriously felt like I handed over my body to people who did not have my best interest at heart.

As for the comment about VBAC's not being allowed because of insurance is BS. It's NOT insurance companies who are pushing for C/S, it's the doctor's who don't want ot be sued for NOT doing a c/s. They don't want to be liable for any bad birth outcomes. They think about their bottom line and pockets and not what's actually healthy for the mom.

Read through this site for more helpful information: http://www.ican-online.org/
http://www.ican-online.org/vbac/My-Hospital-Is-Currently-Not -Allowing-VBAC

[[According to the Patient Care Partnership of the American Hospital Association: http://www.aha.org/aha/content/2003/pdf/pcp_english_030730.pdf  , you have the right to refuse recommended treatment, including a cesarean section. If you refuse a recommendation, alternative treatment should be provided. In this case, a VBAC.]]

Also some list groups that might help:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/birthconcepts/
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/BirthRage/
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/EmpoweredChildbirth/
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/vbac/
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/VBAC_HOPE/   (I don't know if you're Christian or not though)

Stand your ground and don't give up hope. You can have the birth you want, the birth you deserve!

I have a lot more information, links, and whatever you need. I am a birth advocate and educator.

Mom to nearly 8
#1 scheduled c/s - breech presentation
#2 hospital VBAC
#3 home water birth
#4 completely unassisted pregnancy and birth (land)
#5, #6, & #7 - unassisted home water births
#8 planning another unassisted home water birth!

Thanks so much, I am going to check out all those links!  Yes and NJ has the highest c-section rate because the malpratice insurance is so high in NJ.  Also in my childbirth class they said a c-section is actually cheaper and easier for the hospital.