My MIL is driving me f'ing nuts.. or is it me????

So, my MIL is driving me nuts. She makes mention all the time how shes going to keep the baby for weeks at a time (Not going to happen, maybe a sleep over when the baby is like 5!) and is completly treating this pregnancy like it is HER baby.

She actually TOLD me that im 'not allowed to put the crib or bassinet together' without her, and she invited her three sisters and husband, and then asked me to cook for them a meal I made her for mothers day, that took me hours in the kitchen. (Im on modified bedrest btw)

Im not 'allowed' to set up the nursery without her and her sisters.

She thinks she is going to be in the delivery room, and sitting with me every day in the hospital, and coming over to 'help' me evvery day for 'atleast' a month.

Today my son had his hip hop dance recital, and from the second we got there to the second it was over her and her sisters where *****ing and complaining... 'how much longer' 'these seats are hard' 'I thought the show was only an hour' 'my nerves are acting up' 'its not fair the boys only preform one show'...

OMG MYYYYY nerves where shot by the time it was over. My son has two more shows this weekend and I am sooo greatful they his mom and aunts arent going to those. Maybe I can actually relax and enjoy it.

So, my husband has no backbone when it comes to his mother. He is her only child, the prodigal son, and even though he admits at times she verbally, emotionally and at time even physically abused him as a child, he has only stood up to her once during our marriage. If he hadnt at that point we would have gotten a divorice. But now, with the soon to be arrival of our first child together, he is slipping back into letting her control out lives.

I mentioned the other day that Im going to need to make sure that he runs interference in the hospital. If it ends up I have to have a cesarean section, he is to make sure that untill I am able to hold and bond with our little girl, he is to make sure no one else holds her. He said 'WHY'... ummmm hello? Then when I told him to make sure that his mom and aunts only stayed alittle while and he actually laughed and said 'yeah right'. He is not going to stand up, and I can see me being a hormonal, *****y mess after this baby is born...

 

Or, am I that now, and totally blind that it is me and not her?

oh lord hun my MIL thinks shes gonna be in the delivery room too!! YEA RIGHT! i dont even understand why she would want to see all of that !!! she has a daughter...let her share that experience with her! ugh i totally feel your pain.
I say just let her THINK u cant put things together without her and then just do it!  My MIL bought us our crib set and said the same thing BUT THEN wanted us to fit it into HER schedule SO we put the darn thing together without her cause i wasnt waiting for her to have time to come over!
I understand shes excited but sounds like both of our MIL's need to chill and take a step back.
How easily they forget that they too were expectant mothers at one time...and im SURE if their MILs were acting like they are acting now they'd be just as annoyed! 
As far as your hubby not having your back completely when it comes to your choices at the birth...just make sure to relay your wishes to your nurses. Let THEM know that no one aside from daddy is to hold baby until you have had your time to do so and YOU think they should, i personally wouldnt even allow for baby to be "introduced" to any other fam by anything other then pictures until ive had some alone time with her and was nice and settled in a recovery room (if it happens to go c-section).
Plus set a visiting time limit with your nurse before they even let the inlaws and other fam in...they WILL make sure they leave when asked if hubby doesnt have the guts to do so!

GOOD LUCK!

well i cant speak from experience because luckily my future MIL isnt psycho...and I even asked her if she wanted to be in the room for labor and delievery (she declined, she is a NICU nurse and I guess has seen all she wants to) but anyway....

I agree with Blanca, and my hospital told me the same thing....just either make a "birth plan" with SPECIFIC instructions or just let the nurses know your situation prior to going into full on labor...and they will run interference! then you dont have to worry about hubby not having a back bone.

Or....and this is the more abrasive of the two choices....take your MIL out to lunch one day and calmly explain to her that she had her time, u understand this is her grandchild...BUT....it is your child and she needs to take a step back.

I am sure which ever you decide will be the best choice for you!!

Good luck!!

WEll I am over-due, hormonal and *****y today lol so forgive my answer - but YOU need to tell her your wishes, you can do it in a nice way but you still have to do it. This is your baby and your body and if your hubby won't step up to do it it's your job. I would make him be with you though. You might hurt her feelings a little now, but make sure you tell her that you don't want to exclude her this is just a very special time for you, your hubby and your son. Remind her that you are sure that you'll need some help in the first few weeks home and you'll let her know what she can do - maybe put her in charge of calling hubby's side of the family, prepping some meals or even scrubbing your bathrooms if that's what you need.

my Mom is totally involved in my pregnancy but because I have asked her to be, we are super close. Unfortunately my MIL passed about 7 years ago now. Now my FIL on the other hand... we'll deal with that when I have to. lol

Goodluck *hugs*

I feel for your MIL situation. Some men are just terrified of their mothers for some reason. My husband is a police sergeant and has no problem whipping out commands or yelling if need be, but if his mom and I have a disagreement he cowers under a chair, lol.

shes completely crazy! my MIL is mild compared to that but always calls Sage "her baby" which bothers me!!

But I wanted to chime in on the c-section thing.  If you end up with one, you tell the nurse there with you NO ONE is to hold that baby but you and DH until you say so.  That's what I did!!

OMG I am sooooooooooooo lucky that for once mine isn't pulling crap like that. Try therapy for the hubby issues. Saved my marriage. I have the same problem with my hubby and MIL. Mine is the youngest of two and we live in her basement. I married an Italian Mama's boy. She however, will run over you no matter what you say. Good luck with all of this. I am here if you need to vent about psycho MILs.

 I am in the same boat as you.  After running errands we got home yesterday and MIL was in our back yard waiting to see the baby.  No call, no heads up, no nothing.  She was just there.  For Christmas, our present to us was a car seat FOR HER CAR and the baby wasn't even here yet.  Begging for sleep overs are pretty constant as with wanting to take the baby herself to places.  

When it came to delivery, I had to be the firm one and tell her that we would call and let her know when we were ready for visitors.  She took it pretty well.  

If I can offer any advice, it would be to not say or do anything too harsh.  Most of the craziness is coming from her sheer love and excitement for the baby.  I wasn't close to either of my grandmas and now I am excited for Ryan to know both of his.  Once you are settled in at home with the baby, call her with updates about the baby.  Then, she will hopefully not interrupt you as much.   

My MIL behavior hasn't changed a lot, but I am getting more used to it and it doesn't bug me as much.  Yesterday when she was in our yard, she held the baby for 10-15 minutes and it gave me the time to unload the car and put away groceries.  The LO eats like crazy so I knew it wouldn't be long until he needed me.

Thanks for all of the advice ladies. One thing I have learned is that if I say anything, it literally becomes world war three. So I try to pick my battles. I think im going to write a very detailed birth plan and make sure all of the drs and nurses read it. It is going to be very specific on visitors. My big worry is that my son will have to stay with her atleast the 1st night I am in the hospital, as hubby wants to stay overnight with us the first night. When she gets in a pickle she can be a complete nut even to my little boy, and im I want this experience to be nice for him too. Idk. Im going to convince hubby to put the bassinet together today I think lol. Im going to pretend its a spur of the moment thing lol. ITs our first year anniversary today, so im going to say how nice it would be to have the memory of putting it together today. Im so sneaky lol. Im hoping that the hospital will be really helpful in keeping to many visitors at bay, so im going to trust in them. Now once I get home is going to be hard... but im thinking that if I blow up, it may not be to bad a thing.

I agree with the birth plan, but I'd go a step further and not tell her when you're in the hospital to have the child.  But I'm probably mean.  If she's making your life miserable, however, you don't have to take it.  You don't have to let her control your life just because your hubby does.  I'd tell her to her face that you and hubby are going to put the bassinett, crib, nursery, etc together just the 2 of you.  This is your life and your child - not hers.   i think sometimes people have expectations that come from their own mind (like being in the delivery room) but when no one says anything about it, like "no way" they think they have permission.  You have to tell her that you have other plans, etc.  Good luck.  I know it isn't an ideal situation, but I think you'll be a lot happier if you nip it in the bud now rather than waiting til baby comes and everything comes to a head.
I feel *****y today too.  Maybe this is a terrible response!