Surviving the first month postpartum....
Ok, so this is long, so if you make it through this, you deserve a gold star! lol
So I had my baby April 3rd and am doing pretty well. I went into labor the day before my induction, spent 2 hrs at home with what I thought were contractions (since I was induced with my other 2) and got to the hospital at a 9 cm at 39 weeks (I was a 3 at my 37 week visit). I had to have a spinal block because I was too late for an epidural and once I got that, I was in heaven. I couldn't feel my legs and lower half of my body and really couldn't hardly feel the contractions anymore.
I had him an hour and a half after I got there and he was out within 10-15 mins of pushing. I didn't tear as bad this time (last time was a 4th degree tear), but still had 3rd degree tears with an episiotomy done. I had to have the epi though because my doctor wanted a "clean" tear, compared to last time because it was hard for him to stitch up last time.
Just some background on me.... With my other two, I've had a really hard time post partum for the first month. I had my son and then 2 weeks later, got depressed enough to get on medication for 6 months. We lived 6 hrs away from any family though, this was our first baby, and I was a new Mom- so this was a little understandable for me. My Mom came out before the birth and stayed for 9 days, but her and dh fought quite a bit while we were there, just being around each other too much I think. My Mom wasn't too supportive of my bf ds and ds wasn't the greatest nurser and screamed a lot at each feeding. Plus my hormones were screwed up, I had to go on progesterone supplements for the first trimester (with all the pg's btw) so I had to get back on track. I had a problem with anxiety too and had to be on meds for a week. Ds wouldn't nurse very well and after 2 weeks and a mastitis infection, we switched over to a bottle for ds.
Now with my 2nd, I got on zoloft the day i had my dd and then started feeling anxiety immediately and had to start taking anti-anxiety meds for 2 weeks until I felt better and the anxiety wore off. I had to have my Mom come stay with me every day (when dh went back to work) and help take care of things and ds, while I took care of myself and dd- I felt absolutely helpless. I hated nursing but dd was a great nurser and took to it right away. I hated how demanding it was at first and how she'd eat every 2 hrs. I had bottle fed ds and this was so different from that. But I didn't get engorged ever, no sore nipples, everything was perfect so it seemed stupid to just stop because I hated it. Well after about 2 months, I was so glad I stuck with it and it wasn't so bad after all.
Now with this one, I started taking zoloft a month before I had the baby and all the anxiety came back after just one day on it. I looked and the first side effect of the drug said "may cause anxiety" and I got a bunch of other side effects with it. I called my doc after 2 days on it and panick/anxiety attacks and he said to go off the meds. I went off it and was back to normal within about 2 days. Now I know that it caused me to be miserable after I had dd and that was the main source of my mental problems after I had her.
So I had one bad day since I've had my ds 9 days ago and had to take an anti-anxiety drug (in the hospital the last night I was there cuz I wanted to come home and hospitals are creepy to me), but am feeling a million times better than after the other two. I wonder though after about 2-3 weeks, I will begin to feel "normal" again- that's what my doctor said would happen. I've felt the horrible PPD but I've never felt just the normal PPD that happens to us all post partum and will go away. I love nursing my ds but forgot how demanding it is after not having a baby for 3 1/2 yrs!
He sleeps ok at night and I'm getting anywhere from 4-7 hrs of broken sleep, depending on the night. Last night was a bad night and he didnt' get to sleep till 1:30 am. I had to take an anti-anxiety drug and didn't tell dh because he would think oh no, here we go again like the other 2 times. But it helped calm me down and I was fine 20 mins later. I hadn't taken the pills for anxiety for about a week now and want him to think I'm doing ok. But I have a hard time at night and that's when I get the anxiety sometimes- because I get so tired and when the baby is screaming bloody murder and won't go to sleep. Dh is good about helping, but he can't feed ds so he just changes his diapers when needed. But he works 4 ten hour shifts during the week, so I will have him go sleep in the basement if ds is having a bad night and won't go to sleep if it's after midnight. And when he cries a lot during the day, it really stresses me out sometimes.
I know it gets better, but I just want to know what I'm feeling is "normal" and not PPD. I really hope it doesn't creep up on me in another week or two and I have to go on an anti-depressant (NOT zoloft though this time). I have had such a hard time with the other two that I really believe this is our last kid. I hope the Lord doesn't give me another prompting to have another one in a few years! I love the 3 that I have and feel pretty done right now. I feel sad and overwhelmed at times, but it comes and goes. And I have been getting out of the house 3 times a week or so when I start to feel sad or cooped up and that helps a lot. I try to get laundry done and do things around the house, so I feel accomplished and so I have something to do to keep my busy- and not be just all about baby 100% of the time. I have tons more energy and people tell me how great I look, so that's nice. It's just emotionally and mentally, I don't feel 100% yet but know it'll get better. I just keep waiting to have myself turn into what I was with the other 2 and it hasn't happened. I keep telling myself how good I feel but then I get weepy and sad sometimes here and there.
Just needed a cyberhug from all you other Moms and words of encouragement that it will get better, even though I know it will (cuz this is my 3rd time doing this, lol). I have a great support with my Mom, sister, sis in law, and hubby but it's nice to hear from other Moms too. Thanks!
Hit goal weight of 140 at 13 months out from RNY!! 130 pounds GONE! 
So I guess after all that I just wanted to send cyber hugs and tell you to enjoy your kids! At least the weather is getting nicer - maybe getting outside will help? The sunshine works wonders for me
Liz
Having a newborn can be kind of stressful at first, especially with all the screaming they do can bring on anxiety for people like me and you who are prone to it. And like I said, I do worse at night than during the day. The meds I am on right now says to not take it while nursing, but my ob/gyn feels that from what he knows from the drug that it is safe for me to take. He prescribed Xanax with my last baby and I nursed her and she is fine now. He said this drug is almost the same as Xanax and is the same drug family, it just lasts longer. Seriously, if you have anxiety problems to begin with and are on meds for it, you NEED to find something to take while nursing or you are going to find yourself having anxiety attacks and not being the best Mom you can be to your new baby- that's just my opinion though. Or just don't nurse, it's better to be a good Mom and be able to take the meds you need.
I just went outside after feeling somewhat overwhelmed so far today and just sat on the porch with my 3 yr old, it's amazing what that'll do for you cuz I feel better just after that now.
Hit goal weight of 140 at 13 months out from RNY!! 130 pounds GONE!
I've not experienced the post-partum hormone shifts yet, because this is my first baby... but it is probably the thing I feel the most anxious about, I am prone to depression & anxiety.
I can tell you for sure some things that make the depression & anxiety worse for me are: not getting enough sleep, not eating well, not getting outside, and trying to do too much. I end up feeling very overwhelmed and very alone.
From everything I have read about, what you are experiencing now is totally normal! I think that you are just having the normal "baby blues". It is understandable though that you are fearing that you will develop post-partum depression; because you had it with your first babies. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you will get it again!
I understand how a baby screaming all the time (and especially at night) would drive you crazy. Whenever I babysit my little nephew, he cries & cries and won't let me comfort him. I literally have to force my mind to "go to another place". I try to separate myself from the situation (in my head) and try to block it out. When even that doesn't work, I physically leave the room and let him cry until he falls asleep. It drives me crazy but he can't help it, and there is nothing I can do to help him, so oh well!
I want to give you encouragement, because you are aware of yourself (which is awesome, and will really help you get the proper treatment if the need arises). And because you are seeking support and love. Those are good things! I think things will slowly get better & better for you, especially as your baby gains some weight and his tummy is better able to digest food, and as he learns to sleep better. Pretty soon all will be well in baby land!
Take Care.
When even that doesn't work, I physically leave the room and let him cry until he falls asleep. It drives me crazy but he can't help it, and there is nothing I can do to help him, so oh well!
sometimes I let the baby cry for a few minutes or I will leave the room, or just go outside and sit on the porch if it gets to me.
I just took a 20 minute car ride a bit ago to get our car washed and that really helped me with the anxiety. I think if I feel this way again tomorrow morning though, I will take a Clomezepam (whatever it's called) so I won't suffer and be so nervous and kind of sad like today. I don't want to take it if I don't need to because I'm nursing, but if I gotta, I gotta! Have to get through this next week or two and if these pills help me, I'll use em. Plus I hope I get a better night's sleep tonight.....
Hit goal weight of 140 at 13 months out from RNY!! 130 pounds GONE!
I had severe post partum depression with my first born. It was so bad that I needed drugs and therapy to get over it. (and it was for nearly 6 months before I started feeling better) So, I guess I'm saying I know what PPD is and how it affects the person.
It is hard to diagnose someone and not only that I am not qualified to do so and neither is most of the responders. I just wanted to let you know that if you think you are getting PPD you need to talk about it with your doctor and not let it go on thinking you will get better.
Baby blues is one thing and as you well know PPD is another and it's debilitating. I hope it's just the baby blues. Keep yourself in check and please, please talk with your doctor if you are more weepy than a week or if you start getting weird feelings and thoughts.
Please PM me if you need support, I know exactly what it's like.
Hang in there
Hugs XXXXXXXXXX
10 pounds loss pre-op
I'm doing things a lot different this time vs the other 2 times, like getting out of the house a lot and doing chores around the house to keep myself busy. Plus I have a pedicure gift card that my hubby got me for our anniversary back in January and I might go use it this week or next with my sis in law. Pampering myself would feel really good about right now!!
Hit goal weight of 140 at 13 months out from RNY!! 130 pounds GONE!
