Back with BF issues - a little long

OK....so I haven't pressured my BF for what his decision is about me and the baby.  (After he told his mom two weeks ago, he was ready to move back to India with her and forget about us)

Last night we were in Wal Mart and I asked him if he was planning on moving in with me next month after school was over.....without hesitation he said No.  I just got quiet.  I finished the shopping and when we got in the car,  I told him I wouldn't accept someone who wanted to be casually in this baby's life.  He couldn't come in for the good times and then leave when it was time to deal with responsibility.

Truthfully, I can't make it without his income, but he hasn't even offered to help in the finance department.  He sends money to his mom, and apparently she is more important.  I am on retirement disability because of my bypass and the surgeon has no idea when I will be able to return to work.  My income will be reduced by 20% in august because I am not 59 and 1/2 yet.

We get back to my house where I begin to cry.  He doesn't like crying so he says it's time for him to go home.  He acts like he is 16.....not 30.  I have seen more mature men on MTV's 16 and pregnant.  When he got to the door, I told him his mom won, because I couldn't fight anymore, I don't have it in me.  He could go be single and forget he has a baby.  I told him to go focus on school and I would be the adult and figure out how to raise this baby and find money to support us.  He turned around and told me I needed to get a stronger heart.  Got out to his car and yelled back that he wasn't happy about any of this either.........what the heck...you're not happy then why don't you man up and make your own decisions.  Be a father to this baby and stop being your mother's little boy!

I'm so tired of dealing with it.......he acts like there is nothing wrong while I worry all the time about him just picking up and leaving, or where the money is coming from when the baby is finally born.  I can't get a straight answer from him about anything.........everything is a joke or one way one day and different the next.

Thanks for listening!

Hugs,

Sandy

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Pregnancy is stressful enough without all of this happening. My advice would be just to make sure you and the baby will be ok and do what you need to, get whatever financial help you need to make ends meet and then if he decides to be involved you can feel like you get to make the decision based on what you're actually feeling and not because you feel you need him for financial reasons. I hope that everything works out.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  Pregnancy is hard enough with support.  But this stress isn't good for you either.  Now for some tough love:  You know what is answer is to you.  He's not taking responsibility and all the asking in the world isn't going to get him to do it.   Whether he wants to be in your life or not, he will have financial responsibilities once the baby is born.  Contact the Child Advocate Office at the Health and Human Services offices that are probably in Clarksburg.  Ask what your options are for getting their assistance in getting a court order for support.  Maybe he will come around once the baby is here and want to be a part of his/her life.  Maybe not.  That will not relieve him of his financial obligation to the child.  It's time to move on and begin your life without him in it.

Emotionally:  You have to forget him!  Easier said than done, but this man has already given you his answer through his actions.  He won't be there for you, nor for his child.

Unemotionally:

You have the right to child support.  You did not lie down in that bed and have sex with yourself and conceive.  He has every bit the responsibility for this child that you do.  So...contact child services and see what it takes to get an order for child support.  Also...make sure you make him take a DNA test to PROVE that he is the daddy.

Also...if you are out of work and on disability, contact your local WIC office and get on WIC and if possible(not sure your income) welfare.  No harm at all in that.  You need it.  You are the poster child for why it is available.  You need to also see whats available.  Here in GA you can even get housing thru them if needed at no cost, or almost none to you.

Please, for your baby's sake, stay away from this stress. I had my daughter 12 years ago. My BF was very immature and couldn't say no to his mother. She constantly acted like my baby would never be good enough because she was not conceived in wedlock. She was horrible, horrible. I had a huge knot in my stomach almost every day of my pregnancy from this crazy woman.
My daughter was diagnosed with Autism when she was 4.
Was my high level of stress during pregnancy the cause of her disability? There is no known cause....but, in my heart, I feel our rocky relationship and constant up-down emotions, plus the everyday stress and crying, definitely contributed to it to some degree. My daughter is hypersensitive and to this day, cannot stand the sound of someone crying. Those babies in utero can feel every emotion we can, and do. Please try to relax a little, and ask social services for help so you do not have to rely on this man for much. Good luck to you.