Seperation Issue

We're having an issue with Sadie and I thought I'd post here to see if anyone had any helpful tips.   She's 3 1/2 now and hasn't been in daycare since she was just under 2 yrs old.  She stays home and has family members come here to watch her while I work.   We go to church twice a week where she stays with others but it's the same young girl that has been watching her for a long time.   She also goes to a early childhood family class once a week where she stays in a seperate room than we do.   She's been doing this as well since shortly after birth.   We recently signed up for the Y so we would be able to work out and have the childcare available for her.    We've gone a few times now.   We talk about it before we go and she is fine...says she's ready and wants to go play with the kids.  We get there and walk her down to drop her off she was even ok yesterday while we took her jacket and shoes off....but as soon as we open the door and take her in she started crying really hard.   She's done this all except the first time we dropped her off there.   She cried last night for 30 of the 45 mins we left her there.   I'm pretty sure it's just because it's a new place and new people...and because it's a thing where you just drop them off as you want and not scheduled there are different kids there each time too.   There's that tiny voice nagging in my mind hoping she's not doing this because someone hurt her either physically or emotionally the first time she was there....but I think it's not the case deep down.   Anybody have any tips on how to make this transition easier for her?

Michelle,

that's a tough one.  Have you tried talking to the person in the child care room? 
Is it the same person or different people?  
What about allowing Sadie to bring something of hers from home?  Is that allowed? 

How does the person react with you all when you bring her in?  does this person try to help out?  calm her down?  get her interested in something else? 

If you guys are ok with it I would try and let her bring something from home that is hers that she really loves.  Maybe try staying in the room with her for awhile as well. 

I hate it when kids cry but it might be that she just needs to get used to it and the first couple of times she might need to cry it out.  But I would hope that the childcare worker is trying to distract her.  I know that they have other children to watch but speaking from my experiences, that's what I have done in the past when I was working group situations. 

good luck,
Bambi

Thanks Bambi!   There have been some of the same staff in there but not always.   I am hoping it's just a deal where she needs to get used to being there.   We decided to let her take a picture of us all with to keep in her pocket so if she's sad and misses us she can still see us.  I'm also going to walk her up to the gym before dropping her off so she remembers where we are and that we're in the same building.  The workers actually have been great and reassure us that she'll be fine and take her to play.   They didn't go into the gym yesterday so she cried most of the time but when they're able to go into the gym and play she has a great time!   They will let her bring a blanket or special toy if they really need it....we'll try the picture first and if that doesn't help might find something else.  She doesn't really have a special blanket or toy. 

My daughter did the same thing at a gym daycare too. She also wasn't used to me leaving her many places. I think that she wasn't getting enough attention, she is used to alot, and so she didn't like it. The daycare people actually came and got me out of an aerobics class because she was so upset. She never did adjust to that daycare, but when I switched gyms she loved their daycare and looked forward to going. I don't know if maybe your daughter is similar to mine where she needs that attention or if its just a matter of her getting used to it.

Well, so far they haven't come and taken us out of the wellness center.   I'm just hoping it'll get better as time goes by.  Glad to hear your daughter is doing better now.   Yes, she does get a lot of attention at home with mom, dad, and 2 adult siblings around all the time.   Thanks for the response it means a lot!

Hi Michelle!!!

I hope Sadie settles in. I don't really have super duper iron clad advice because out of our four kids, the only one that went to daycare was my 14 year old and he had no problems adjusting initially. He was subsequently molested by the owner's husband (not to scare you, but it happens and you have to be very vigilant about looking for the signs of abuse because sometimes they aren't real apparent right away. When it first started about 6 months in, my son would have behavior, separation issues. Then he started with some inappropriate actions. I would've never caught on if it had just been the behavior and separation issues. It was the other actions that he was acting out that made me realize what was happening to him.).

Hopefully this is just a case of true separation anxiety but you never know. Is it possible that you can go there with her when you don't really need to leave her there, just to kind of see what they do and maybe reassure her that the place is ok and maybe you can play with her in the actual room that she stays in? Always reassure her that you will be back to get her in just a little while and to have fun playing while you're gone. Talk to her when you pick her up to see how everything went that day. Ask if everyone was nice to her. Start with the kids. Then ask how the teachers were with her, were they nice, etc. But don't ask her if they were mean or if they yelled or anything. That will put negative thoughts in her mind about the place and/or the teachers. Also ask her if she was good or if she got in trouble......but I guess the teachers would tell you that, but I always ask my kids that when they get home from school because I want them to be responsible for their behavior even though I'll find out if they did something because their teacher will write it in their folder if they misbehaved.

It's a tough situation to be in sometimes, especially when they are SO distressed by the situation and you want to make sure nothing bad is happening. Short of having a video camera in there, it's hard to know for sure. You just have to pick up the cues from your child and combine that with your gut feeling and if anything feels wrong in anyway, better to be safe than sorry and pull her out of there and get her into a new place. I'd give her a period to try to adjust but if it's just not getting any better, you should think about finding something new because it's probably not the right environment for her.

I hope she starts adjusting soon and pray that she is treated well! Good luck girl!