I know it's my emotions, but I just need to put it down..

So some of you probably remember reading that I have a six year old step daughter with my husband.  I love her dearly, and being a step mom is probably what made me want to be a mom more than I could ever imagine.  I know I am super touchy right now and will cry reading something happy...but before we even got pregnant Jas would ask about a little sister over and over, and couldn't wait.  Things were great until we started buying things for her little sister.  Understand we have tried to include her in everything, talk to her about teaching her sister this, and helping take care of her etc.  It's gotten to the point now, Jas just is so against the baby.  When people ask her if she is excited, her answer is she doesn't want a sister anymore.  She's not excited and is now asking "how long" more from a negative perspective than a postive exciting one.  I show her ultrasound pics and she says the worst things.  Calls her sister an alien, and says she looks scary and ugly.  I have told her those are all not nice things to say, but she just laughs and keeps on.  I usually take them away from her so she goes an focuses on something else. 

Ladies, I know I am emotional, and I am the adult, but this hurts my feelings that she feels this way about her sister.  I am hoping a praying that this will change when she arrives, but it seems as though it might get worse before it gets better.  Each day closer to the baby has seemed to have gotten worse lately. 

I know she is six, and I keep reminding myself of this, but boy this is hard!

Thanks for letting me vent-Stacey

PS...here is a pic from today's U/S...and she is beautiful lil girl

Step mothering is tough. No matter what, you'll be more invested in your own child than you will be in her, and she knows it. Maybe try to speak about the baby casually like you always do, but don't try to involve Jas in anything. Don't talk to her about helping or doing anything with the baby. I try to do this with my daughter. Sometimes if kids feel that they have to do something or that its an obligation they get upset. I'm sure it's a phase, and that she'll move past it. I try to not make my daughter feel obligated to help out in any way with the twins, so she won't become resentful, at least for now until they come. Change is hard for everyone. I wouldn't take it too personally. She is looking at things from a different perspective than you are. You could always tell her that it bothers you when she talks that way. You could also not permit her to speak negatively about the baby. Or, you could schedule a session where she gets to be negative and say whatever she feels and everyone lets her do that, but at other times she has to speak kindly about her new sister. Sibling stuff is fun! I hope you feel better about the situation and find something that works best for your family. Your feelings are normal, but so are hers, so it's a tough place to be. Hopefully working it out will bring you all closer together. 

Carrie  

Hey lady!  I know its not the same, but my niece has been treated like my daughter since the day she was born!  I have spoiled her rotten, and we both know it!  When she found out I was having a baby, she basically told me she hoped it died....and she is 15!  Its natural jealousy...and as we get closer to delivery, she is doing the opposite of your lil girl...she is now excited and a little scared still.  Best thing to do(in my humble opinion) is to keep trying to include her, BUT make sure to love on her aLOT...especially after the baby comes.  She just needs to know that she won't be replaced.  And she won't be...

You love her...even if she is a step.  Just make sure that SHE knows that!

Hope that helps!

I think she will feel just fine when the baby gets here. Just so you know my dad who is 64 years old now called my daughter and alien till the day she was born. He said ultrasound pictures make them look creepy and like aliens. He was in the room when she was born and of all the kids which he hate to be around he plays with her all the time and loves her to death. I can see how ultrasound pictures might be a little scary at her age though. Just kind of back off including her so much maybe for right now and things will be ok. Big hugs to you!! I know it has to be hard!!

I have a 4 1/2 year old and she has known since I have that I was pregnant. I tell her things like, you can do certain things that only big girls can do, baby's can't do that. Mommy and you will be able to do this, but the baby can't do that with us. Saying whatever it is that helps her feel like a big girl. I think it's important for her to realize that the time together just us is still important and will still happen. The baby will be around for many and most things but there are still things that make her special and that the baby won't be able to be included in. I don't know if something like that might help with a 6 year old, but it's helping so far with my 4 year old. I also try to make sure that if I say something about the baby, I also make sure I say something about her. Just to make sure she doesn't feel like the attention is taken away from her.

So sorry that youa re going through this - I know it would make me upset too. Just rememer that she is just a little girl and really doesn't understand everything that is going on. TO her the pics may look alien like (Sometimes my baby looks like an alien to me too) but we are older and can rationalize it, she can't. Maybe you can have a special day with her where you don't do or talk about anything baby to show her that you can still have Step-mom and Jas time. Have you thought about getting her a special gift for baby to give her when she arrives?

I hope that it all works out for you!

*hugs*

Liz

PS - I have to agree with you - your little girl looks like she is going to be beautiful! Can't wait to see her "real" pics!

Oh you are talking about my son right now LOL! He is 10 and his Step Mom is going to have a baby any day now. It first started out he was REALLY mad that it's a girl. He says he hates her and will never love her. This is his Step Mom's first baby and they were super close before she got pregnant. Now he will barely talk to her. I feel so terrible for her. My son is just being a spoiled brat. Now that I'm pregnant all he can say is it better be a boy. I think this is so normal for kids who have been the only for so long. I know when he see's the baby he is going to just love her. Until then we get attitude boy....argh!!! Hang in there. She will love her sister...I promise!!!


Jackie

Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom.  I know alot of the feelings I am having have to do with those hormones; and Jas will come around and we will all be excited when lil lady arrives.  I think just saying it helped.  I feel bad about feeling it, but sometimes you can't help but to feel upset about what's going on around you.

Thanks again!  Good luck to the rest of the mom's with other children at home! 

Stacey