Chemicals, smelly baby & daycare problems ??? (OT)

ETA -- you know in part my fear (dislike) of chemicals has to do with my husband's kidney disease.  They don't know what causes it.... but since we (as a society) have upped our use of chemicals in everything the incident of kidney and liver disease (and cancer) has gone up dramatically -- as Dr. Oz pointed out on his show today.   I don't want Cooper to be 40 and facing his 2nd kidney transplant like my husband.... 

So I love Cooper's "baby sitter".  She is great with Cooper, writes up nice detailed reports for us and seems to honor what we're doing at home (learning to clap and wave, tummy time, etc). 

BUT

Cooper comes home smelling like she has sprayed him with Febreze!

So what's the big deal, Cindy?

I am VERY anti-chemical.....  we use 7th Generation cleaning products and dye free / scent free laundry detergent.  We have a steam cleaner for the hardwood / stone / tile floors.  

When I was pregnant I gave up using perfume, body spray, etc and years ago I gave up deoderant with aluminum.   (If I feel the need to use perfume I put it on my clothes - not my body.  With Cooper clinging to me I spray it on the back of my blouses / shirts now so he doesn't come in contact with it....)

I know I can't shelter Cooper from everything.  I get that.  And I don't want to shelter him from everything.  I am happy he's learning different ways of doing things at the baby sitter (and with grandma who watches him a couple days a week).   I'm not a germ freak - Cooper routinely chews on dog toys and puts odd things in his mouth. 

But it really smells like she douses him with spray. 

My Question:

HOW DO YOU HANDLE THIS?? 

I am afraid if I say something to her she'll take it out on Cooper.... (Silly I know, because she's a nice lady.....) 

My husband said "Don't cause trouble".   And I don't want to.  Really.  Dr. Oz had a show today about chemicals and it brought this issue back to my mind.

Am I overreacting?? 

Your opinions are valued - agreeing or disagreeing!

Cindy

This is from a website I found on the issue:

All artificial scents (be they called fragrance, perfume or whatever) are chemicals. They can and usually do contain substances called phthalates, parabens and a host of other chemicals! Fragrances are considered a "trade secret" among companies and can actually contain up to 100 different chemicals!! Because they are a "secret" the company does not have to list each ingredient.

Does she know how you feel about chemicals? Are there other kids that could have done it?

No, she doesn't know about my dislike of chemicals.   I guess I should change that!

The fact is he comes home EVERY day smelling like she sprayed Febreze  on him or around him.(I'm pretty sure it's Febreze since I recognize the scent from my college days when my boyfriend would spray it instead of cleaning!)

I would think it was just a rub-off from the carpet but it's on the top of his head to the bottom of his pants.... 

More likely she's spraying it around him and it's landing on him.... 

(And the only other kids are her 2 year old son and a 3 month old.)

The joys of daycare!

Cindy

I would tell her about not being pro-chemicals ASAP! That stuff can easily be sprayed with him in the room and it falls on him. Doubt if she uses it for the same reason the ex b/f did.

Also doubt that it's another kid spraying him. I have a friend that did that to her younger sister to make her pretty. She used the Febreeze as hair spray.

You definately have to talk to her.  Just tell her how you feel about chemicals andtell her everything you've done thus far to keep Cooper free from most chemicals.  It's nothing against her or how she takes care of Cooper. 
Just let her know to not use lotions... or whatever she is using on him.   You have to be able to talk to her about things or you'll go nuts!   She is taking care of your greatest joy and if she isn't doing something right or the way you prefer it you need to be able to talk to her about it.     I"m sure she will understand and be glad you told her.
Trust me... my son has been in daycare for 3 years and I've learned that you need to talk to your caregiver and let them know how mommy does things or you'll be miserable.   I've had no problems whenever I've talked about some concerns I've had with the daycare staff.  They have completely understood and always work to make me happy. :)   I love them for it!

Thank you, Suzy!

I think I'm going to have to.  I so dislike the idea of having this discussion.... but for my own sanity I need to.  You're right that it's nothing against how she is taking care of him - because I adore all other aspects!

I had been pushing it to the back of my mind for weeks now..... but Dr. Oz mentioning it on his show brought it back strongly. 

We try to teach our kids to eat healthy (veggies and fruits) and exercise to help beat cancer and health problems.... reducing chemicals in the area the kids spend the most time is a little thing really.. (and you can't totally get rid of chemicals... I understand that.) 

Thank you for your thoughts!  I appreciate the "pep" talk!

Cindy

I too would have a hard time figuring out how to kindly tell her that it is bothering me.

Just be real nice and maybe you could ask her if she uses febreeze on her carpet or couch, because you noticed Cooper smelling like it.  Say, maybe he rolls in it or does tummy time on a surface that she routinely sprays with it?  If so, ask her if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could she find another place for him?  Tell her you absolutely adore her, and you feel really bad bringing this up, because you think it makes you sound nit picky...  but share with her your concerns over chemicals because of your hubby's health problems.  (If you feel safe enough and close enough to her to disclose that information)  I have found that people tend to want to please others, especially if they "know your story". 

Well, if she is worth her weight as a babysitter she will want to please you, that is!

Good luck, Cindy!

Do what you feel is best for YOUR child. Say something. You're not comfortable with it, don't want him to be around it, so tell her. Or you'll worry yourself sick. If she takes it out on your son, she's not the sitter for you. I'd feel the same way. I'm pretty anti-chemical myself! I hope it works out in yours and Cooper's favor!

I'd just explain it to her like you did here...that your biggest concern is because of your husband's medical history and you are doing everything you can to ensure that Cooper doesn't ever face the same health problems...whi*****ludes eliminating as many chemicals from his life as you can.  Then you can spell out things you like to keep way from him...including Febreeze, lotions w/perfumes, etc.  If you have specific types of creams or soaps or whatever that you prefer be used for Cooper, give her a set of them - you know at his age he'll have an occasional 'explosion' out the diaper, up the back, etc, that will require a bath - even at the baby sitters - so by providing the soaps/lotions/powders you prefer, you'll know that you won't be making yourself crazy thinking what he can be being exposed to.  Same thing w/wipes...if you have a preference for non-perfumed/chemical ones, give her what you prefer she use.

If she's a truly reliable, caring baby sitter - and she sounds like she is - I'm sure she'll understand and do what she can to comply with your wishes.

If you don't want to adress it directly ask her if she uses it because you are allergic to it and need to avoid contact.

You are a great Mom, I am sure that you'll come up with the best solution!

*hugs*

Liz

PS - I think that this is your first ever question post without a pic of Cooper! lol