Trying is over

Since we lost our second on in July my husband has been on the fence about trying again.  I hear the same old tiring excuses from before we started trying 2 yrs ago, "WE" don't keep the house clean enough, "WE" need to save more, "WE" are too old (I'm 35 and he's 45) , doesn't think he'll be a good dad, etc.  I told him that I wanted one but it was his choice since I couldn't force it.   We've hardly had sex since the ectopic, we went on vacation and since we forgot condoms there was no sex.  So this weekend I was cleaning out the basement and came across the boxes  of baby clothes my sister had given me along with the one I bought before I miscarried the first one and asked if I should keep them or send it to goodwill.  Without a blink of an eye he said Goodwill.  So I guess my dream is over.  I feel like crying.  I'm tired of getting my hopes up that he wants one only to get dashed a week later so I'm going to call my OB/GYN and ask for something perminate.  I know if I tell him that I made an appt he will say wait let's think it over and then the next day it's I think we shouldn't have any.  So unless anything unexpected happens I won't be announcing that I'm expecting.  I wish you all luck and I'll check in from time to time.

Missy-

I'm so sorry to hear your story. I can tell you want a child and it's a pity that hubby isn't on board =o(

The only thing I would suggest is that if DH is so determined not to have a child, send HIM to his doctor for something permanant rather than you- a man's surgery is more reversable than a womans and you never know what the future holds. My best friend just had her second child 18 yrs after her first one with her new fiancee- she just turned 41.

All the best to you
-Janine

Edited to add- the end didn't exactly come out the way I wanted it to- I am no way implying that it won't or shouldn't work out with hubby- just that you never know what will happen like my friend- she thought her "mothering" days were done. Hope that made more sense

Thanks for your reply.  Before we started trying I told him to get one if he couldn't make up his mind.  But he had a kidney stone that they had to go in to get.  When he came out of that he looked at me and said never mention that again.  I almost died laughing at that, the look on his face was priceless.  I think  I'll bring it to his attention again.

LOL! My hubby wouldn't get his either. I had mine done because I had a scheduled C with last baby and I'm officially done, even if hubby is not. My BIL went running for his when my sister told him she was pregnant with #3 two weeks before his surgery date.

Men are such babies =o)

Missy,

I wish I had some great advice for you, but I don't.  I agree with Janine about YOU being the one to get the permanent procedure.  I am not suggesting that you will end up with someone else, but you really never do know...and I would hate for you to do something permanent and then regret it or try to reverse it later on.  Now, my hubby refused to get a vasectomy...he has the crazy believe that God opens and closes the womb as he sees fit...well...I have the crazy idea that God gave us doctors and scientists and birth control for a reason...lol  I ended up having my tubes tied almost 2 years after baby #8...and even after 8 it was still a very difficult decision for me.  I literally had a panic attack in the OB waiting room prior to my consult.  Just sitting in there with all of those pregnant women made me really uncertain if I should be doing this.  Anyway, I would highly suggest thinking long and hard about the permanent procedure.  You could always get one of the new IUD's...those can last up to 7 years...but yet you can have them removed at any point as well if you decide to try for another baby.  

I hope you will be able to make whatever decision is right for you, but if you REALLY want another baby...I would even suggest counseling for you and DH to possibly work through this.  Neither one of you are too old...so to me that is a lame excuse from hubby...but maybe he has other reasons that you have not gotten to the bottom of.  I will keep you in my thoughts as I know this is a VERY difficult decision to make.

Laura 

I've thought about the IUD and I guess that will be one of the questions for the OB. I'll talk to her about what my best option would be.
It's wanting "ANOTHER" baby but a baby.  I was pregnant twice, miscarried one and the other was ectopic. 
Thanks for the talk, sometimes it just help to hear someone elses thoughts

I'm so sorry for mis-speaking and saying "another" child.  I did realize that you have not had a baby before, I am just so used to saying "another" because of where I am at in life,  I so apologize if I offended you!!!  Again, I hope that you will be able to make whatever decision is best for you and hubby.  I hope that you can find some answers when you have your OB appointment.

Laura 

Laura,
No you didn't offend me.  I'm sorry if I came off that way. 
Missy

Shew I'm glad!!  Sometimes people are ultra sensitive, and I could see where that would offend someone.  Anyhoooo, again, I'm glad it didn't offend you!

Laura 

I agree with the other responses that not to do anything permanent. It could be that your husband is still grieving and that's his way of dealing with it cause he's afraid of the pain that might happen if you lose another child. He could change his mind in time, you never know. I just think a birth control option might be best at this point. You're both not too old either. I'm 31 and my hubby is 39 so we're pretty close in age and I don't think that really makes that much of a difference. We're older and more experienced Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do.