Ramblings from Bulgaria...LONG

I did the POAS yesterday and it was a BFN.  In the meantime...my boobs are hurting like hell.  I know it's the progesterone, etc...but still...you'd think it would only be fair if I'm going to get a BFN that I wouldn't have sore boobs to boot (they've been sore before w/the progesterone, just not this sore).  TMI...but my right nipple is also making me nuts because it keeps tingling and has been for about 4-5 days.

In the meantime...I asked the health unit about an RE here in Bulgaria and got the canned answer of 'there are none.' I went online and found one and called them...they said they don't have any appointments until the end of April....so I called the health unit and told them that there is this one and I wanted an appointment at it - NOW.  Conveniently enough...when you push them...the dr (Bulgarian...I talked to the American nurse practioner who said there was none available) knows the head of the reproductive center...so he's going to review my file (and maybe meet me...I haven't met him yet!) then write up something and get me an appointment w/his friend.

I have to say...I hate the lazy answer that there's no specialists available.  It took me 30 seconds tops to find one online.  As the medical unit, you'd think they'd already have that info available. 

Anyways...I know I can't keep doing the estrogen/progesterone much longer - the dr in Indonesia said only a few more months, tops, then just accept that it wasn't going to happen.  I have a cervical polyp that grows every month the longer I'm on the estrogen...then shrinks back down when I come off for a few days (but doesn't go away)...and I'm pretty sure it's caused by the estrogen, though I did have one w/my first mc'd pregnancy 2 years ago and I was not taking estrogen then. 

I've been reading online trying to find other solutions to the thin uterine lining.  Samara had mentioned to me months ago that her dr suggested using Viagara inserted vaginally to help conceive...and reading online, they say that it has been shown to help increase the uterine lining by increasing the blood flow.  Reading that and thinking back to a year ago when the Indonesian dr said that my uterine lining wasn't thick enough (after the 3rd mc), when he did the u/s, he did a doppler one and said that there was not good blood flow...and if blood flow can make the lining not thick enough...then hopefully there's an alternative other than hormones to increase the blood flow and maybe go at it from that direction.

Reading about the thin uterine lining online...they recommend having the drs diagnose WHY the uterine lining is thin...that it's not always hormonal (thus the lack of blood flow) before trying to treat it.  Because of seeing people on here indicating that their drs had done blood tests to check for the progesterone levels at various times of the month, I have asked for that...over and over again in Indonesia and I'm constantly told that 'we don't need to do tests to show that there's not enough progesterone...we can tell that because the uterine lining's not thick enough.' Hopefully the RE here will be willing/able to look for a different cause and thus a different solution.

In the meantime, I still have that damn biological clock screaming in my ear.  I'll be 42 in March...can't keep up the hormones much longer...and feel like I'm banging my head on the wall...but am stubborn enough to keep doing it for a while longer.

My husband keeps telling me he'd love another baby...but not at the cost of not having me here because of side effects from the hormones.  He says he'd rather have me than another baby...which I love about about him...and I understand that...but still...

Anyways...hopefully tomorrow or early next week I'll know when they can get me in to see the RE here.  I know the med unit and/or the RE may think I'm being demanding not wanting to wait until late April...but tough ****  I'll be a month past my 42nd birthday by then...which means three months closer to this screaming clocks demise.

That's my rambling for tonight.  I'm not depressed or anything...just accepting that it may not happen for me but still optimistic enough to believe there's still a chance.

Holly,

I am sorry you are getting the run around. It is true we have to investigate for ourselves because no one is going to do it for us. Also, for me if I want a dream bad enough, I will do everything until the very last hope to try to get it. I think that is what you are doing. You want to make sure you have given it every chance possible.

Can I ask a question? Would the RE in Bulgaria have our medical records from Indonesia? It might help for him to see the scans and recommendations from that RE.

I don' t have any answers and I know you were mostly venting than looking for us to answers. Just know that I am here and cheering you on. Never give up until there is no stones left to overturn!

Traci 

 

Thanks Traci...you're right...more venting than anything. 

I brought my regular medical records with me from Jakarta.  My RE in Jakarta is going to send me a report with all his info in it probably next week.  I'll probably have all of that when by the time they get me an appointment here.  I know that I'll have to start off here telling them to get over my age already...there's nothing I can do about that...and to move on from there.  Maybe take my baseball bat and thump it on my hand a bit while I mention that to them.

I'm thinking of havnig them do the FSH test - which somehow can determine how close to menopause you are.  I have no way of knowing when the women nni my family go through menopause...my mom had a hysterectomy when I was in 1st grade, my grandma had one shortly thereafter.  At least if I took the FSH test, it might tell me how close the screaming clock really is.

Thanks for listening...and for being there.

 

Good luck on getting in to see the RE, maybe he will have a better option for you. It is interesting to me that the say the lining is to thin do to low progesterone. My lining was always too thick and my progesterone was low. There is a great book about women's bodies and vitamins and such that really helped me. I borrowed it from the library, : Women's herbs, women's health / Christopher Hobbs, Kathi Keville. You look up an issue and it tells you what a doctor will do, then what herbs you can take, it also tells you what vitamins to take. I need to buy one because I am constantly reserving it from the library.

The link does not work. I just tried it, sorry.

Thanks Emily. 

The dr in Indonesia said the lining was too thin because of low estrogen and progesterone...In addition, when taking the estrogen, he wanted me to take the progesterone to counteract the estrogen, which can increase the chances of cancer. 

I'll get the book online and see if it has any new suggestions. 

Hey Holly -- quick question.  Did any of your REs put you on baby aspirin?  That may help with your lining as well.  Although we aren't technically suppose to take it, my surgeon said low dose baby aspirin (81 mg), as long as it is coated is absolutely fine.  I have been on it 3 years with no problem.

My lining has always been 12 to 15 or more at trigger.

The drs have me on two baby aspirin a day, along w/the 5,000 mg of folic acid.  They never said anything about it increasing the lining though - I'd take a whole bottle a day for that if it would work! - but more because I have all these genetic mutations for blood clotting issues. 

The hormones definitely helped w/the lining...it went from around 5/6 mm to 12...but I have to get pg with it at that level and try the stronger progesterone they switched me too (from 8 mg a day to 300 mg a day) since my last mc.

Thanks.

Ok well that just SUCKS!    : (   

The only thing I can say is that I'm sorry.    

Yep...hopefully the drs here have some new something up their sleeves.

Thanks.  I hope you're sneaking in a little sleep now.  If you put all the kids in bed w/you for a nap while your husband's at work...would they sleep at one time?  You could put Sarge on the other side of the bed to keep them from rolling off that way!

Lazy answers just drive me crazy!!  I'm glad you found a specialist and even an "in" to get an appointment! 

Your hubby is sweet -- and I'm glad you're not driving yourself too crazy / getting depressed about the situation.  Your strength through all that you've been through is amazing! 

Keep us updated - on the doctor and the POAS !

Cindy