Selfish or not?

Hello everyone,

I had my RNY to alleviate medical issues including PCOS. I have a 20 month old daughter and I feel so blessed with her. I would like to have more children when my Dr gives me the ok, which I know I must be over a year post-op.

Am I being selfish because I want more than 1 child?  All I wanted in life was a good husband, roof over our heads and children. It took me 9 years to have my daughter but now that they know the problem and are able to correct it I would love another when given the OK.

Thanks,
Susan

Of course it's not selfish.  That's just silly.

Thank you so much for your response. I didn't think that it was but my husband thinks so.

not selfish at all!

The fact that you want another child in and of itself to me is not selfish? If so, that would mean everyone that has more than one child is selfish and I do not think that is the case. Now, if there are other issues such as you cant afford the expense of the additional child, you know you can't physically, emotionally, mentally care for the child, you know you have a health issue that would put you or the baby at risk...yes, that would be selfish, but if you are healthy and happy and want to and can I think that is fine.

Not at all. I think it just shows that you have more love to give

Ask yourself these questions.  (No, I don't want these answers here -- I don't care.)


Can you afford another child?  -- and I don't mean really afford afford -- but will you have to go on public assistance to support another child?

Can you give the child quality medical care?

Can you give the child somewhere stable to live with a safe place to sleep?

Can you give adequate attention to another child?



If the answer is basically yes for these (and knowing that things change, but in general), then no, it is not selfish for you to have another child.


Case in point -- I suffer horribly during pregnancy.  Life is hell on earth.  I cannot express how horrible life is for me.  I was in bed pretty much through my first pregnancy, but couldn't do that when I was raising a toddler -- and I was a horrible mother to her while pregnant with my 2nd child.  But she was too young to understand that "mom is crabby and crappy" == mom is giving me a brother.  She's old enough now to understand that and thus no third baby for us, even though we could do 1-3.  It wouldn't be fair to my first two children.

So is it selfish?  Probably not.  But only you can really answer that question.  And if your husband feels that way, you need to ask why.  If he thinks it has to do with your surgery, then he's wrong, and that's simply an education issue.  You can point him to several resources -- here's one that I'm starting to populate now.  But if he has other reservations, then only discussing it with him will figure out what the problem is.

Good luck -- and we'll be here when the time comes.

I do not think it is selfish to have more than one child.  I have five and plan on having more and adopting more.

BUT, I think you have a bigger issue in that you and your husband are not in agreement.  If I were you I would be looking to my husband to resolve the issue and come to an agreement.  A board full of women who are and or want to have babies are going to mostly agree that it is not selfish.

I just wanted to say Thank you to all who posted their opinions. They have really opened my eyes. Our marriage has some huge issues, to which I would not bring another child into but  I just wanted to know if I am selfish for wanting more children.

We just found out that my sister is pregnant with her 2nd child, which is why this was brought about.

Thanks again for your opinons and yes they have helped.

Susan