Brief (I hope) update with me.

Well, I had yet another blood test for my last period. I was a week later than I should have been and it was negative. I asked the nurse that gave me the results if, since my pregnancy and miscarriage, if my PMS would resemble preggo symptoms. She asked if I had these every month since the miscarriage and I told her all but the first month. Soooo... I get to be sick every freakin month.

I have also been depressed and it has been bad. I have been in a really dark place and it's the darkest it has ever been. It was so dark that I wanted to die so I could be with my baby. Stupid I know. I finally went to my PCP and he upped my drugs, told me to see a therapist, and as soon as I could try, to get preggers again. He also suggested seeing a specialist. I told him I have one in mind (hubby's cousin used him) and I can go after trying for 2 more months. The OB/GYN is sending me after 4 months instead of 6 since I have PCOS.

I am so sorry you've been having such a rough time.  Hopefully the specialist can help you out (unless you get pregnant before then and don't need him).  Take these next few months to work with your therapist and get yourself in a better place.  I'll be thinking of you.

Thanks

Sorry you are still feeling down...

However, I am going to disagree with your PCP.  I am glad he upped your drugs so you can start feeling better, BUT I am not sure trying to get pregnant again as soon as possible is a good idea.  If you truly are having depression issues, they may only be masked by another pregnancy.  

Trust me when I say I know about loss.  I know about wanting a baby so badly and not being able to have it.  On top of my miscarriage this year (bringing my total to 4 and trying for 3 years), my father passed away at the beginning of December.  It's hard dealing with loss, period. 

When TTC you need to put the welfare of the possible future pregnancy/baby first.  And personally, I feel that means making yourself well ahead of everything else.  Not that I would wi**** on anyone, but no one has any idea if a pregnancy is going to stick or be healthy ahead of time.  And should you get pregnant again before emotionally making yourself well and then (god forbid) something else happen, I would hate to see its effect on you.

Good luck.

I am doing better since the meds were upped. I don't see me TTC for at least another month or so. I am hoping to be in a happier place by the time I get the OK from the endocrinologist.

Ann

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. 

[[HUGS]]

I suck! I totally missed the line about your dad! Sorry to hear about that loss.

Kathy

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time.  I know it sounds trite to say 'it gets better with time,' but it truly does...and if it takes a little more meds to help you, then you need to do what you need to do.  Don't give into the despair and grief and let it keep you down.  I think seeing a therapist is a good idea to help you out...but have to say that I agree w/Ann that it's bettter to get yourself in a healthy place - mentally and physically - before TTC again...and I hope that that time is soon.

[[HUGS]]

Holly,
Thanks for this. It's one of those things that I feel all alone. I start seeing a therapist on Mon.

You're not alone.  You've got a husband who loves you...and friends here to lean on.  If I were within spitting distance...I'd give you a huge hug to remind you that you can get through this.  Hang in there...and if you need to rant/rave/cry, whatever...PM me and let it all out.  I've been there...I know what it's like.