Vent and a few things NOT to say to someone who has suffered MC

You are NOT overreacting...like others have said....people are just STUPID and insensitive. You have EVERY right to feel the way you do....I am just so sorry people say the wrong things....

You are in my heart, thoughts and prayers sweetie!

I think that some people, such as the OB and staff, have been around it too much and they may become a bit callous.  Whereas with other people they just feel uncomfortable and stick their foot in their mouth not realizing that what they say is painful. 

I have lost two babies and the first one was conceived with AI.  I lost it at 12 weeks.  I have ultrasound pics of this baby and it would have been born in 1996.  My ex husband, which shows one of the reasons he is an ex, got angry at me years later for still having the pictures, he told me just to throw them away.  I could not believe it, this was OUR child and they are the only pics I have of the baby.  I had been trying for four years to conceive and this was my first time getting pregnant and I was just supposed to throw away my child and forget about it.  I have these pics in that little album to this day and have no intention of EVER throwing them away.

I am sorry that you have had to hear such painful statements.  I am sorry that you suffered this loss.  I hope that you continue to heal, we are forever changed by these things but we survive and become stronger. 

Absolutely not.  I would fire that doctor for their insensitivity.  Good Lord, in nursing school, they teach us THERAPEUTIC communication.  You need to be able to express your emotions without pity or judgment.  There are many types of loss, and no one should down play them.  I don't care if you were 4 weeks pregnant or 4 days from delivery, it all hurts.  

As everyone has said, you have every right to feel like you do.  I think people just don't stop and think before they open their mouths and blurt out whatever they think.

My 'favorite' thing said to me (NOT) after my second mc was 'well, at least you miscarried at 8 weeks...that's better than when I miscarried at 3 months.' Ummm....how exactly is it BETTER?!  Yeah, physically, it may have been easier...but BETTER?! I didn't get the impression she meant physically either...the comment was meant that emotionally it was better.  It took me months to even be ready to talk to this person again...and even now, my friendship with her has significantly cooled.

I do agree with the person who said that you should write a letter (or talk to) your dr and suggest that they make every effort to bring the patients that they know are going through a mc back to one of their rooms...and that s/he be a little more sensitive in their 'spiel,' including the nurse.

Oh Cathie,

I'm so sorry you're going through this!  I'll be thinking of you, especially on Tuesday.  My 1st PG ended in miscarriage and a D&C at 12 weeks.  If I can be of help, I'm just a PM away.

You're having a very normal reaction to a very painful experience.  Grief, anger, sadness, depression, even laughter are all part of the process.  There really are no words that others can say to help ease the pain.  Personally, it was the ones who didn't say ANYTHING that hurt me the worst.  I needed to talk about the loss and not acknowledging that it happened or that I was sad was hurtful.  But that's just me. 

Again, I'm so sorry for the loss of your pregnancy and I'm here for you.

Hugs,

I have had two miscarriages prior to this pregnancy, so I have an idea of what you are going through. Though neither of mine needed a D&C. 

People say a lot of things without thinking about what they are saying. My ex husbands mom said to me, well at least you didn't have to go to Kuwait because you were pregnant. I would have been there for Shock and Awe.  Personally I would have rathered go to Kuwait (I volunteered) than suffered through the MC.

The nurse who pulled the fetus out of the toilet in the ER asked me f I wanted to know the sex of the child. Which to me was just horrible because it was my first pregnancy, newly married, and I didn't want to have to tell  my ex that I just miscarried his first son or something.

A lot of stuff was said that hurt sooo bad. 

You are on an emotional rollercoaster and it's going to hurt. Best thing you can do is come back to this thread and vent again when people say more stupid stuff. Get it off your chest. 

 Best of luck during this hard time and your healing process. Remember we are all here for you to vent to. 

I was told the same thing about getting pg. It does help later to remember that.

I think that problem is that most people don't know how to react and are trying to make us feel better.

Feel better in your own time hun and don't let anyone rush you into life again. We are all here for you. We have a wonderful mc club here. It is just unfortunant that so many of us are members. *hugs*