Vent and a few things NOT to say to someone who has suffered MC
My emotions are still running super high since my miscarriage on Monday and having to go through with the D&C on Tuesday (11/10) kind of re-opens the wound for salt pouring ..
A few things that have been said to me this week. So, please, tell me if i'm overly-sensitive and just need to chill:
From my OB's nurse: "Well, at least you know you can get pg. You can just have another baby." - Um YEAH but I wanted *this* one.
From my best friend: ".. you can drink now." - REALLY?
From my OB "i'm sorry now let me give you my miscarriage spiel" - WTF?!
From my step-mom "now we have to tell everyone that you've lost the baby." - well, poor you!
Oh and how can I forget how the OB's office made me rush to their office only to make me and my dh sit in the waiting room with 5 lovely pregnant women - for 2 hours! -who were sharing their baby stories and showing each other their US pictures while i'm covering my face and crying so hard I couldn't breathe ..
Seriously, someone tell me if I am overreacting?
Cathie
A few things that have been said to me this week. So, please, tell me if i'm overly-sensitive and just need to chill:
From my OB's nurse: "Well, at least you know you can get pg. You can just have another baby." - Um YEAH but I wanted *this* one.
From my best friend: ".. you can drink now." - REALLY?
From my OB "i'm sorry now let me give you my miscarriage spiel" - WTF?!
From my step-mom "now we have to tell everyone that you've lost the baby." - well, poor you!
Oh and how can I forget how the OB's office made me rush to their office only to make me and my dh sit in the waiting room with 5 lovely pregnant women - for 2 hours! -who were sharing their baby stories and showing each other their US pictures while i'm covering my face and crying so hard I couldn't breathe ..
Seriously, someone tell me if I am overreacting?
Cathie
Proud Mom of Brantley Alexander, 6 1/2 years old .
"CoCo" 
November 2009, July 2010
(deactivated member)
on 11/5/09 11:34 pm
on 11/5/09 11:34 pm
You are highly emotional. You should expect this. I've been around this block three times now - and get many of the similar statements. It never feels any better, but by now I've come to expect it, I guess.
And at my age, the fact that I can still get pregnant isn't a bad thing - so I didn't take that as an insult, I guess.
Give yourself time to heal. Expect to cry, it does get better. HUGS.
Sharon
And at my age, the fact that I can still get pregnant isn't a bad thing - so I didn't take that as an insult, I guess.
Give yourself time to heal. Expect to cry, it does get better. HUGS.
Sharon
I got these lovely statements:
"Maybe you just weren't meant to be a Mom" - seriously I wanted to hurt them
"God just doesn't have it in your cards right now to have a baby" - really wanted to hurt them
"It is better it happened now than much later into the pregnancy" - ok it is never easy!
You are highly emotional and it is and will be hard to see pregnant women. You will always wonder but you have to heal and understand that there was something wrong for this particual fetus. It is still hard to go to my OB's office or see a pregnant woman because I want to be a Mom so badly. But I just have to KEEP THE FAITH!
Cry, vent, or whatever you need. It is a hard process but we are all here for you!
Traci
"Maybe you just weren't meant to be a Mom" - seriously I wanted to hurt them
"God just doesn't have it in your cards right now to have a baby" - really wanted to hurt them
"It is better it happened now than much later into the pregnancy" - ok it is never easy!
You are highly emotional and it is and will be hard to see pregnant women. You will always wonder but you have to heal and understand that there was something wrong for this particual fetus. It is still hard to go to my OB's office or see a pregnant woman because I want to be a Mom so badly. But I just have to KEEP THE FAITH!
Cry, vent, or whatever you need. It is a hard process but we are all here for you!
Traci
The comments that bother me the most here are the ones from your OB and Staff!! When I had my last M/C the office was so great. They took me right into a room and didnt make me sit with all the preggos in the waiting room...(I was in there a long time, but at least no one was staring at me as I cried my head off) and they were so sensitive. If I was you (once the hurt is not so fresh) I would either write a letter to them explaining that this may happen often in their practice and she may have a MC "spiel" but to you it was personal and a little sensitivity was in order!! or switch practices. Regarding the nurse, REALLY!!! ugh!
((Hugs)) This week I remember (and still cry) that I would have a 3 year old...That baby was a part of you and you will always love it and remember it no matter how many other children you have or how long you carried that baby. Next week I will celebrate my daughter's first birthday and also remember the loss of her twin. No one can take the love I have for these babies even though I never held them. I just give the ones I do hold extra kisses.
((Hugs)) This week I remember (and still cry) that I would have a 3 year old...That baby was a part of you and you will always love it and remember it no matter how many other children you have or how long you carried that baby. Next week I will celebrate my daughter's first birthday and also remember the loss of her twin. No one can take the love I have for these babies even though I never held them. I just give the ones I do hold extra kisses.
SW 241.6/ CW 138.8/ GW 140 At Goal 12/11/2009
You're not overreacting at all. I went through similar emotions and heard the same types of comments. My own husband said "You can't think of it as a baby...it was just a blob." Super-sensitive, no?
I also had two teenage, unmarried, practically jobless nieces get pregnant and go on to have perfectly healthy babies. I couldn't even bring myself to go to the hospital for the first one. It had been months since my miscarriage and I was still a wreck all day.
Everything you're feeling is normal and only those of us who have suffered a miscarriage can truly understand. Even women who are mothers can say incredibly insensitive things if they've never dealt with miscarriage.
Time will help...that's all I can say.
I also had two teenage, unmarried, practically jobless nieces get pregnant and go on to have perfectly healthy babies. I couldn't even bring myself to go to the hospital for the first one. It had been months since my miscarriage and I was still a wreck all day.
Everything you're feeling is normal and only those of us who have suffered a miscarriage can truly understand. Even women who are mothers can say incredibly insensitive things if they've never dealt with miscarriage.
Time will help...that's all I can say.
Lap Band September 2007 / Slip discovered March 2014 after significant regain / Revised to VSG April 29, 2014
Cathie,
I am sorry that your OB's office seems so insensitive. That is just wrong. As if a miscarriage is just something you give a spiel on. Its the loss of a human life and it hurts. I think it was very sad that they made you sit there for 2 hours. They should understand how painful loosing a baby is.
I hope you know that alot of us here were or are in the same boat and we understand and are here for you. My thought are with you.
Hugs
Amy
I am sorry that your OB's office seems so insensitive. That is just wrong. As if a miscarriage is just something you give a spiel on. Its the loss of a human life and it hurts. I think it was very sad that they made you sit there for 2 hours. They should understand how painful loosing a baby is.
I hope you know that alot of us here were or are in the same boat and we understand and are here for you. My thought are with you.
Hugs
Amy
I'm feeling for you because we've had the same things said to us(not by my OB or staff) in the last two weeks. My mother acts like I should be "used" to this by now. I love her, but she tends to think she's "been there and done that" because of her experiences(none of which are the sme as my own). Somehow, that's supposed to lessen how I feel.
You probably are being sensitive, but you know what? YOU SHOULD BE. YOU JUST LOST YOUR BABY. You should be grieving and shaking and crying.
No one can hurry your grief. It's a process you have to go through.
Hugs
Angie
You probably are being sensitive, but you know what? YOU SHOULD BE. YOU JUST LOST YOUR BABY. You should be grieving and shaking and crying.
No one can hurry your grief. It's a process you have to go through.
Hugs
Angie
I don't think you are being overly sensitive, what you are going though is real and super personal and people are stupid for saying those t hings to you. I would look for a new OB, making you wait like that was not right, and I would let them know just how you feel about it.
I am so sorry you are going though this.
I am so sorry you are going though this.
Courtney - Lap band to VSG revision
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