OT: I just want to feel normal.

I need some advice or anyone that can sympathize with me. I do go to therapy and talk but I just don't feel normal...barely ever. I can never make up my mind - I change thoughts constantly, am always anxious about something and I just don't feel like anything I do ever makes a difference (in general). I don't want to take medications, is there anyone who found a natural way to ward off chronic fatigue, irratibility, depression? And I talk so mean to DH I can't believe he even deals with me, he said he will do anything to make me happy and I am still never happy, I have two HEALTHY children and a great husband....What is wrong with me?

I have taken Wellbutrin didnt feel any different, Prozac makes me mean, just got prescribed Zoloft 50mg took it two days and I feel so tired I could fall over. Anyone experience this with the Zoloft? I mean I even take Adderall XR in am and still tired. And I get so motivated with the Adderall I can't sit still and then I started smoking again. I don't want to take the Adderall either but I feel so unproductive if I don't. Then theres the Ativan and I take that in the evening. I just want to take NOTHING and be healthy and feel good, why can't it happen naturally (not like you have the answer but why me?)

*hugs* sorry you feel this way. I took lexapro for years and it was a god send. I've also known people who swear regular exercise makes them feel so much better!

I hope that you can feel normal again soon

Liz

PS - maybe some time away - just you would help - a massage or a girls weekend?

I know this might sound funny, but the thing that turned me around was Kickboxing and Self Defense classes. I take them at a real Karate studio and the teacher (Master) is a true black belt. The first few classes where about learning how to breath, how to master your own body and how to center yourself in a "crisis" so that you can keep control. I learned that while I can not always control the things going on around me, I can always control myself and keep perspective in the situation so that it does not spiral downward. I also learned that my breathing and body posture actually contribute to my stress level and by changing them even slightly I can regain control.

I have a sever panic disorder, to the point where it rendered me house bound for a couple of years, but I have almost complete control over it now with no meds.

I take a combination of both Zoloft and the Wellbutrin.  I felt the exact same way until my pcp put me on both. 

Within 3 days I was a completely different person. I was able to focus. I had energy. Stuff still happend but I was no longer trying to pick fights and wanting to sleep all the time.

good luck with this.

xox
Tammy

I have heard that St. John's Wart found at pretty much any vitamin store...is a great naturopathic way of helping with depression...also taking melatonin at night can help with depression and insomnia.  
I hope you feel better soon!

Laura 

The biggest thing that helped me through my long bout of everything you just mentioned was mentally overcoming everything going on in my head myself. I didn't go to therapy, I couldn't afford it. I read lots of self-help books. Over time, I learned how to identify, compartmentalize, and deal with my problems head on instead of allowing myself to become overwhelmed and depressed over them.

I was depressed because I had various unresolved issues.... my two very best friends that I'd known since middle school died within a month of each other. We were in our early twenties. One was murdered and her car was set on fire with her dead body inside, the other wrapped her car around a tree because she was hauling a$$ around a curve after a guy pissed her off. That was what pushed me over the edge. Besides that, I'd had underlying issues caused by my moms second husband since I was a kid. I watched him physically abuse my mom for 7 years... from the time I was 7 to 14.... the bulk of my rememberable childhood. This issue took the longest to get past. That ******* was not your run-of-the-mill wife beater... he was a psycho and I still believe he needs to die for the sake of saving his next victims life. Then there were smaller, less important issues related to my body image. I was insecure because I went from being hot and thin to what I thought was fat and gross (at around 175-185... which now I look back and see that while I was a little chubby, I was still cute, just like my DH always told me). I tried to lose weight time and time again but couldn't. My insecurities lead me to believe my husband was cheating on me (something I never had any evidence of at all). I thought no one liked me because I was fat. I pushed my friends away and ended up feeling even more like a loser for not having any friends. In retrospect, all of my issues caused by my physical insecurities were entirely pointless. The first two - the biggies - I still feel are very valid.

I don't remember exactly how I managed to come around. It wasn't even a conscious decision. It wasn't like I had some grand epiphany and decided to get my **** together. It just happened. I grieved for my friends and eventually came to terms with the fact that I, too, could die... but I wouldn't live in fear of death. My mother somehow managed to come to terms with what the ******* did to her years ago.... so I finally opened up to her about it. She helped a lot. I signed up for sparkpeople.com (BTW if anyone reads this and signs up, use amande21 as your referral source!! :-) ). The support and motivation I found to get HEALTHY (not only get thin) really helped me overcome my insecurities. I found friends there, support, and so many articles.... I felt unbelievably better about myself as a whole.

I hated taking medication. A big turning point for me was when my psych refused to give me a refill because I couldn't afford to pay my previous bill. I was taken of antidepressants (that didn't seem to do much good) abruptly. It SUCKED but ultimately it led to my real recovery.

Now (three years later) I'm one of the most optimistic, cheerful people I know. Not much has changed in my life.... still with the same man, making about the same money at the same job, driving the same car, etc.... I just found my way of dealing.

I still have bipolar episodes but haven't had a major bout of depression since then. I don't take medication. One thing that helps me and keeps me from going into a tailspin of either mania or depression is keeping my head strong and finding outlets for the negative energy (or extremely positive, in most mania phases). I can't say it would work for serious depression, but whenever I feel like I'm on the brink of depression (and I consciously know and can feel it coming on), I find my positive outlet..... talking to my husband, reminding myself of all the wonderful aspects of my life, doing something I enjoy (usually shopping... even if its just goodwill, I also do crafty stuff). Screaming my favorite Korn songs helps, too. That's like instant irritation relief.

Sometimes it helps to just get out of my routine... I'll go to my moms in the mountains for the weekend (with DH and DD with me). Just getting away from the day to day crap of life helps (doing the dishes, tripping over the huge dogs, looking at messy rooms that need to be cleaned, looking at the damn laundry that refuses to wa****self, cooking meals, dealing with traffic, and every other impediment of daily life). DH and I try really hard to get out of town alone once every 3-4 months... even if it's just for the weekend. Sometimes we'll spend a weekend in the mountains... others we visit friends or family who life far away. We don't have a lot of $$ but manage to scrounge up $150-200 to get out of town every once in a while. Once a year we treat ourselves to a nice vacation... even if it means blowing a big chunk of our tax return lol. Now that I think about it, getting away from life is a huge part of my mental stability. I'm actually going somewhere this weekend... not sure if it'll be my dads or my moms but both live in the boon docks and baby me when I visit. ESPECIALLY now that I'm pregnant lol. I can feel the darkness pressing on me and I just need to get away before it takes me down. I'm sure that sounds insane to anyone who has never dealt with a serious mental disorder. That's okay, though :-) I know I'm crazy.

These things are what work for me. My biggest piece of advice is to figure out all of the various things that are dragging you down and tackle them one by one.

*hugs*
Amanda

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time!  Just two things I wanted to throw out there...if you can push through the fatigue, don't quit the zoloft yet.  It takes it a couple of weeks to build up enough in your system to have an impact.  Also, like Liz pointed out, regular exercise has been proven to be nearly as effective as many anti-depressants.

I know how depression can feel like it's sucking the life out of you and how overwhelming it can feel.  Just be glad that you are aware that you have an issue and have a desire to resolve it.  That puts you so far ahead of a lot of women who are suffering from it.  Good luck!...Natalie

It helps me to just live in the moment (great in eliminating anxiety!), to be grateful, to be thankful for what I have instead of focusing on what I don't.  Self-help, spiritual books (Eckart Tolle), there are lots of books on happiness.  Not being hard on  oneself, forgiving self, celebrating self, acknowledging and embracing self, rewarding self . . .

Reading a novel, watching a funny movie or any movie, helping others(don't find a chronically sad person who does nothing to change their condition to help - they will drag you in the mud! Help or give of yourself to someone, something that makes you feel accomplished/good) shifts our focus off of us.  If we are not thinking about us, we can't get depressed. 

Some really horrible things have happened to me in my lifetime,  BUT I am still standing.  Why waste my blessed time here on this earth living in my past, allowing people and things to have power over me even after that time has past ("it's called the past cause it's in the past and I ain't nothing like I was before - you ought to see me now. . ." - Alicia Keys).

I spent 10 years in psychotherapy/psychoanalysis with one of NYC's finiest, that is more than enough time (he is within me - ya know :)).  Now life is just about living no matter what.  Life is not perfect, there are times that we are going to feel down, anxious etc.  The main thing is having some coping mechnisms in place.  I'd be lying if I told you there weren't things/people/experiences that trigger the opening of my "house of pain" -  The thing is my times there are much, much, much shorter.  People hurt you, life can be disappointing - we are human.  On the other hand, life can be amazingly grand.  Like Connecticut must look beautiful right now, in autumn - take that in, be with nature.  Nature does something to energize us.

Limit your intake of processed foods, and exercise.

And yeah, any of the SSRI's (e.g. Zoloft) makes me tired all the time.  That is one of many reasons why I never took any of them more than 2 or 3 wks.

The worst think that ever happened was I went to see my favorite singer in the world and she was awesome but I couldn't feel anything inside (I was on Lexapro about 3 weeks and thought it was great).  Now I'm the singer, actor, writer ...  I feel and I feel profoundly.  I am one of the most sensitive people in the world.  I couldn't feel "the goodness" and that was tragic to me.  I can ride music - that is beautiful and I want to always be able to do that.  I am glad that I can cry, and bleed, and hurt because it means that I can feel joy in all of its abundance.

Blessings,
Leila

 

Exercise!   You may be suffering from Adrenal Fatigue.  You may have vitamin deficiencies.   Have you had a blood panel for VDs lately?   All of the symptoms you describe are classic for deficiencies.  I started to go to a chiro for neck pain due to big boobs.  Its been 7 mos. now and the major byproduct of straightening my spine has been my depression lifting in my head.  I'm amazed how clearing my neurological pathways cleared up my depression.   I stand taller, breathe deeper and feel clearer in the head.  I have developed adrenal fatigue of late due to many personal issues going on but this time around depression/anxiety didn't come back with the stresses and I'm facing them head on.  I am very tired and it's hard to move my ass, but my chiro suggested exercise as the ticket as it releases a chemical to the brain that combats the cortisol that is the fight or flight chemical that usually leads to a panic attack or anxiety for me.   So far, getting out in the fresh air and walking HARD for even 20-30 mins. is doing the trick. 

As a mental health professional, I would say maybe try what is called minfulness. I know it isn't for anyone, and I was quite a sceptic too, but in my training I saw first hand how it helps. I don't know if your therapist practices from a mindfulness approach, but the research shows how helpful it is. It basically involves Buhddist philosophies, but I like using it more in terms of learning to be aware of what is going on in your body and mind, and accepting that in a non-judgemental way. For example, I am expecting twins and feel like crap every day. I also work full time. I take it a day at a time. I accept what I am feeling that day due to the pregnancy, and I take care of it without feeling guilty or ashamed. If it means I miss a day of work, I miss work. If it means I take an extra break, I do it. There are some good books about mindfulness, if you're interesting in pursuing the practice on your own. I too have suffered like you, and taking things a day at a time, and mindfully, has really helped me. I don't practice as one would as a Buhddist, but I use it more in passing during the day when I need a moment to regroup. I could forward you some exersizes too. Just PM me. Good luck! Additionally, try changing therapists. Perhaps their approach is really not hte best for you. Sometimes it takes a little while to find someone you can really work with.

Carrie