Not feeling very positive about things.

Sigh. Monday is my birthday. I will be 36. I have hated my birthday for as long as I can remember, but since I miscarried on that day 11 years ago(alone because Dave was on weekend drill)...well, it just sucks. Dave is rarely home(only twice in all these years). My siblings never remember. There is never a cake or presents. Dave tries to take me out to dinner, but dinner is just not enjoyable..I find it a waste of money. I know how negative I sound. I thought I'd get myself a present and ordered a doppler. I thought it would help me relax, but I can't find the baby's heartbeat. I find mine really well...but nothing on the baby. I know it's not as sensitive as the OB's and it could be that or positioning, etc... but I can't help think the worst. Part of me is already saying goodbye to the baby. Just a feeling I have, but I don't want to tell Dave until the OB appointment on Tuesday. He has his appointment to schedule his vasectomy that day. He has only been home one weekend of the last 10. Not his fault...just a soldier's life. 

Anyway...that's my pity party. I'll let everybody know about the baby. In a way, I'm okay with knowing I might not hear the heartbeat on Tuesday. It won't be such a punch in the gut.

Angie

Is it one you found at Walmart or Target? I had one of those and I was never able to find my son's heartbeat. Even at like 35 weeks! They do not work very well!! I'm sorry things are hard right now...I don't like b-days either!!

Jackie

No, I oredered it from a med supply place. It wasn't that expensive....I heard the whooshing sounds...but everything I heard was too low for a baby....so it had to be mine. Maybe I wasn't pressing hard enough, but that freaks me out kinda.

I'm sure I'll get through no matter what comes my way....I hope.
Angie

Hey Sweets.....

So sorry you are feeling the way you are....I wish I were there to celebrate with you! I have spent many of my adult birthdays alone and it sucks....I made Nate come this year to be here with me since it was my 40th....I hope something special comes your way this year....I would take you out if you were closer!!!!

I guess I did not realize Dave was gone so much....we can definitely commiserate together more often....it has been almost 4 months since I have seen Nate....I hate it but have no choice....he has the contract with the USN....I am hoping it is over soon...we are waiting on the orders now....let me know if you ever need a shoulder....I can absolutely understand.....

As far as the doppler, I almost got one too....I was obsessed...I heard and talked to my OB about it and all I got was how unreliable they are and I would be more obsessed...big prayers for you to get some reassuring news this week....are you feeling better and okay otherwise?

And how are your other boys? Any other updated pics?

XOXO

Thanks Ann.

There are updated pics of Niko from his birthday, but I can't find my dang usb cord. I have a few more places to look. I might try to use the PS3 controller usb. I think it's the same size.

Angie

oh good....i cannot wait to see niko pics....and nikolas if you have them....i will be patient

Angie - hoping and praying that the baby is just in a wierd position or your doppler isn't picking it up. DO you have an ultrasound on tuesday?

I saw plan something special for you and the boys monday! Maybe get yourself a massage or some special treatment

*hugs*

keep us posted

Liz

Please don't think to negative... I was going to invest in one but read too many reviews that they didn't always work...so I said screw it. I hope all goes well on Tuesday!

I bought a doppler too from a medical place (via Ebay).  But I couldn't find Cooper's heartbeat until about 16-17 weeks. 

I used it for about 4 weeks until he started moving so much and then I rarely used it.  

My  manual even said you may not be able to hear the heartbeat until 16-20 weeks and it depends on the position of the baby.

I am choosing to believe all is well with you and baby !  Make sure you stay in touch.... I was wondering where you went a few days ago so it's nice to see you posting again!


Cindy

angie...im sure all is fine... even my dr has trouble sometimes finding little miss's heartbeat... at this point they are still so small and move around so often.... happy birthday :)