(LONG)Staying at Rehab--but he says no no no

Jenn

I don't know any more about addiction than what I read in magazines and see on the news...but I do think that 'tough love' is needed right now.  The fact that he's buying drugs illegally shows the depth of his addiction - regardless of the fact that it's only been a few months.  I would also talk to his dr about not prescribing more drugs once he's out - regardless of the story he gives the dr.  If necessary...I'd tell the dr that if he does prescribe more drus (ie, the ones he's addicted to or ones that can cause a different addiction), that you will report the dr.  The dr should be able to tell when someone's addicted if they've used two weeks worth of meds in a weekend...that's NOT a good thing...or a normal thing.  If worse came to worse, talk to the DEA...I think they're starting to crack down on drs who enable addicted patients with their addictions...as they should.  A drug dealer is a drug dealer - dr or not.  Honestly...I consider the insurance to be enablers too if they're paying for that much prescription drugs.  Those are not 'normal' doses.

Good for you for calling the drug enforcement on the woman selling her drugs.  Put a scare in her ass and keep her away from your husband.

For what it's worth...I think getting him into rehab - and forcing him to complete it - is setting a good example for his daughter.  You're doing a good job...It can't be easy for you right now having the kids at home, one on the way, and having to deal with this.  Don't back down and don't give in to him.

Jen,

I have no advice. But we live close, so I can lend an ear, or an afternoon for lunch or something. PM me.

Thank you.

Maybe it's me but I don't think it's unreasonable to have a starting plan in place. As in a generic one that this is what we are going to do BUT it can always change. That includes saying this is what we are doing now (evaluating) and then we can tailor it to him. It sounds like you want him home and you want to know what they are doing to make that happen.

I agree with everyone else that he needst o stay.

Speaking from my own personal experience with drug addiction - LEAVE HIM! The quickie detox he gets in whatever facility he's at is a minimal part of his recovery. WALK AWAY (no, you're not turning your back on him) - he needs to figure his sh*t out on his own. He needs to get clean because it's life or death to him and only him.

What he's hooked on is a powerful addiction, even long after the pills are gone.

Thanks everyone- I am trying hard to be his advocate but to also balance what he needs as the first priority over what he wants.  He wants to be home, and I would love to have him home.  But my vision of him home is healthy and on the right track- and I know he isnt there yet.  I am just dreading his calls- I am suposing within the next day (tonight) they will be nasty.  I guess I just take the verbal abuse- it's nothing compaired to dealing with his behavior lately.  I talked yesterday after trying since last week- to his actual counselor...who explained what they are working on and estimated somewhere between the 14-21 days.  At this point he hasnt learned enough about the problem / disease he has, and HE needs to understand it...and then come back to intensive outpatient.  Keeping my fingers crossed that he will be able to do what he needs to and come home ready to fight.  Its been a long road since his injuries at work (which he actually LOVED his job) not working, pain, a trauma, and now this. Working to him = being a man (his father was unemployeed, lazy and abusive)  I keep wondering- (not an excuse) but when he fell down the steps at our home if he actually did damage to his brain that wasnt visable from initial CT scans, MRI's.  But I guess it doesnt really matter..I just dont understand how you fall down 15 steps smack your head (dent up a wall) and are "okay".  I fully suspect he had taken pain pills and hadnt adjusted to his new dose (based on his way of taking them) and fell down the steps.  But I am sure these questions will never be answered.  But for now- he is safely tucked in rehab- hopefully working on being better and b*tching less (yeah right!). 

You know I meant "leave him @ rehab", rght? Not leave your man. Just wanted to clarify. LOL

I'll be thinking of you guys and if you need to chat with someone kinda unbiased, i'm here.

Good luck,
Cathie

LOL- yes I knew what you were saying,  Thanks.

Hi Jenn--

I don't feel comforable giving advice....but I will say this: When someone we love is addicted (to whatever it may be) it can cause such stress on relationships, family dynamics, etc. I have few family members who are addicted and it is just plain sad, unfair, and upsetting for the people who are affected.

My heart goes out to you and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. You are welcome to PM me anytime if you want to vent, etc.

Hugs,

--Paula