I'm not prepared for this...

Ladies,

Sorry that I have been gone so long.  I do check, but with my work schedule I don't post or respond much.  Two jobs and 4 kids exhausts me sometimes.

Ok, on to what I am not prepared for...  I'm Pregnant.  (PLEASE NO COMMENTS ON FACEBOOK or MYSPACE)  My life is just crazy right now sometimes.  I work 60-65 hours a week.  Plus, we have four children.  Jer is going to school fulltime and he has 4 tough classes that he really needs to focus on.  We manage right now and keep it all together, but i'm scared.  I'm worn thin already (wish I were literally thin).  lol  Financially, we'll make it... we always do.  It might be hard and stressful, but we'll make it.

Now, here's the self part.  I feel really really selfish.... part of the reason I don't want to be pregnant right now or maybe ever is that I am enjoying my freedom.  I like going out with my friends on Friday nights... or having them over for drinks.  We scheduled a trip to vegas for Nov. 12th and now I am really wondering how much of a party pooper I am going to be.  This was going to be my FIRST vacation away from any kids with just me and Jer.  We are going with another couple and it was going to be a great getaway. 

I just found out today.  My friend who usually starts her cycle just a day or 2 before mine ends told me yesterday that she started.  I wasn't worried at first since when I am not on BC, my cycles can be 30-54 days (54 being the most ever, that was before WLS and I weighed 314.)   So while at the store, picking up the cake for my 3 older kids combined birthday party today I picked up a test.  I have absolutely no symptoms whatsoever.  I took the test, it came up positive before the freaking pee hit the control area. 

I will wholeheartedly accept this gift from God.  I just can't help my overwhelming feelings right now.  I told my friend as soon as I found out, because I didn't want to tell Jer before the party...but I had to tell someone.  I feel terrible for having these selfish feelings... I am sure that they will pass...but still it makes me feel terrible.  I've never had these feelings with ANY of my previous 8 pregnancies... so this is really new territory for me.

Hugs to all,

B

were you on any BC at all this time and still got pg?  I was told once we lose all this weight, we can become very fertile and have to make sure if we don't want to be pg, we HAVE to be on some form of BC.   And look at me, who took forever to get pg with my other two kids (2 yrs for the first and 14 months and clomid with #2)- it took ONE time to get pg with this one!!!  I was amazed!

I will be so glad when I'm done having kids and can have my freedom- they'll all be in school and I can have the day to myself to do whatever I want!  I think what you're feeling is totally normal, especially if it wasn't planned.   The feelings will pass I'm sure, especially when you start having those ultrasounds and hearing the heartbeat, and then finding out the sex of the baby (if you do that).   I'm hoping this is our last one, I knew we were supposed to have at least one more and so I got pg.   Three sounds pretty good to me though and then I'm ready to move on to new phase of my life, raising my kids and no more pregnancy and newborns!! 

GL to you and when you tell your hubby/sig other!!!  

Oh Bridget. (((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

I know God's timing may not be ideal, but there is a reason for everything. I can understand why you are scared and ADMIRE your for taking this in stride. If I lived near you I would come give you a huge hug.  Hang in there girly. Keep talking to us - even if it is just to vent and cry. I am sure it will all work out fine in the end when you are holding another BEAUTIFUL baby in your arms.

xoxoxo

Dawn

Don't beat yourself up for these feelings. I found myself asking the same things when I became pregnant with Niko. We had tried for ten years and were finally blessed....at one point, all I could think of was " We are almost done with(never really done-hehe) Alex. We could've been freeeee! How are we going to do this?" It was hormonal. In the end, it doesn't matter anyway...you just have one more beautiful child to add to the important things list. You two will make it.

Angie

I would say GOD has a plan... you can still go to Vegas and have a good time without the alcohol... the shows are outstanding as are all the water shows. The atmosphere alone is wonderful.

Remember there's a reason for everything...

Bridget,

You can't but to have some reservations and worries. It is alot. When I lost my son at 20 weeks. I was done. I told Johnny I was happy with our family and that I wanted to take steps to get tubal. I went into my OB appt to discuss tubal and they always run tests, and it said I was preggo. I was not ready for that. We made a huge decision to not have anymore. So it caught us by complete surprise.

I thought...."I can't do this!" Firstly, once you make a decision to not have anymore, it jolts your system to realize another one was one the way. Also, after the loss of my son and me almost dying during labor. (I lost complete conciousness and was sent immediately to the OR) I was scared, upset and felt terrible that I was being selfish.

I think it's just tough at any time to swallow big news that you weren't expecting. We all have feelings about stuff sometimes. Soemtimes we aren't always pround of what we think or fell but you can't control that. You know.....that this will be fine. Just allow some time to take it all in.

Hang in there.

I just wanted to say big hugs and I know you can get through this. Its always a shock at first and thats ok. Let yourself have the time to feel things. It will get better though. Dont ever feel bad about honest feelings.

B, I had the same feeling when I found out about Riley. In fact, mine were much worse. I wasn't happy at all and didn't enjoy my pregnancy one bit. I regret that. His birth was awful and he was my worst baby. BUT.....what a wonderful little guy we have in our lives. Reagan and Riley are best friends. Seeing them hug and play melts my heart. It was a lot of change to have him but in the end it is worth it.

TRY to enjoy this, TRY not to worry about things you can't change and acccept them.

Congratulations!!!

BIG hugs, Bridget!  You are entitled to your feelings. I'm sure it's a HUGE shock that when it wears off, you will feel better about the situation.  Things will work out for you  

((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) I was really taken by suprise with this pregnancy as well. I, like yourself , was enjoying my time with friends, going out on Fridays etc.

I know it's hard to grasp but it will all work out!