Pregnancy apathy and post birth shower

So everyone keeps asking me when the baby shower is and I've been thinking about it. I'm kinda strange when it comes to this pregnancy. Its my first after 7 yrs TTC and, at 5 months with no negative signs and a perfect diagnosis from my OB, I'm still kind of apathetic. Don't misunderstand, I WANT this baby more than ANYTHING. I just feel like the second I get excited and overjoyed, IT will happen. I know I'm being a little paranoid but it's not really by choice. Its just how I feel. I'm the same way with buying stuff. To date, I have not purchased 1 baby item subconsciously convinced that it'll jinx me or tempt fate. I suppose I feel the same way about getting all worked up. I always have this pessamistic feeling like I'm waiting for the ball to drop.  I won't even let  the family tell me when they buy something.  I keep thinking it'll pass but maybe not. I have no experience in this area. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to and saving up for my maternity leave. I talk to my tummy and we've come up with names.  I'm just not jumping up and down like i know I really want to. I'm just...scared. But scared to be scared because stress is bad for the baby...sigh.So I guess thats why the apathy.  And I feel like planning too much is like being ****y. I hope I'll feel better after 30 weeks when the baby is officially "viable" But I'm thinking about doing the baby shower after the birth. Is that even Kosher? Any thoughts? Am I crazy? Did ANYONE else feel like this?

With my last pregnancy, I was the same until about 20-21 weeks. I went through the entire first half of the pregnancy scared of getting too excited or attached. I was afraid.

I understand your fears. But try to let go. At this point, you are truly missing out on some bonding time because you are putting a wall up. And not just with the baby, but with loved ones who are excited about this also. This is an exciting time. Embrace it.

Most Jewish people do not have baby showers and it's very much considered taboo to bring anything baby related into the house before the baby is born.  

My husbands family is Catholic and wanted to throw me a baby shower for the twins.  My family thought it was a crazy notion.   I ended up having a shower towards the end of my pregnancy and it was very nice.   Really, I didn't start bringing stuff into the house until the last few weeks of my pregnancy.  

I have stuff from the twins for this next baby, but I still need to buy stuff.   I have yet to purchase anything for her.    So I for one don't think it's odd.  

What I think is more odd is people buying a ton of baby stuff when they are two minutes pregnant or not even pregnant and just thinking about it.  

i was also thinking of having a post birth shower.... this will be my 2nd baby in 1.5 years and really i dont need much... and poeple are going to want to come see the baby... i figured ill get it all out of the way at the same time... im much more nervous this time around... and the only reason is because my 1st son was a 35 weeker with preterm labor at 31 weeks.. .im also doing the week by week... my goal is 28.. then 32... then 36...

I felt like this!  I tried my hardest to be positive and NOT think bad thoughts.... but they were there lingering.  I did get excited...but did not go overboard.

I couldn't justify not decorating a room, talking about names, etc.  But every time someone would say "Oh wait until he's born....."  or "He'll be crawling before you know it" I would wince and think we still have a long way to go....

At 5-6 months pregnant I went for a routine dentist cleaning and my hygienest said  "Next time I see you you'll be a mommy!"  and that made me cringe..... I still smiled and nodded and agreed to bring pictures....but inside I kept thinking "I hope so.  I hope so."

I think that feeling of dread or worry is normal.  Try not to let it consume you.  Be positive and don't let it take away from enjoying being pregnant and all the fun planning that goes into it ! 

You cannot "jinx"something by thoughts or actions.... even though those thoughts cross my mind.  What will be - will be.  In your logical mind you know that buying supplies or decorating a room is not the cause of a miscarriage or stillbirth.... 

Still if it makes you feel better have a 'birth celebration' instead of a shower. 

If anything the stress and worry is bad for the baby....

Take Care.  *hugs*

Cindy

Oh one other thing - not to rain on your parade -- once your baby is born you will STILL worry!  All the things that can happen....from swine flu to child hood cancers to car accidents to dog bites... you will never lose that.  So try to mitigate it somehow!

I think for those of us that struggled for so long, it's not abnormal at all.  Even with our adoption I KNEW we were going to get a baby yet I was so used to "denied!" that I couldn't get excited or buy anything until I had a picture - which took a YEAR.  

With Kellen, I was over 20 weeks.  I may have been 25 or close to viability because I was so sure the other shoe would drop.  Even at 16 weeks he had a cyst on his brain - yeah, when I researched THAT I got freaked and tried hard not to get attached.  Then at 27 weeks I went into preterm labor and thought for sure he was a goner.  I sound like Debbie Downer but man, the emotions you DON'T want to go thru!  I completely know!

With the twins I was reluctant to buy anything, even maternity clothes - for fear of losing them.  I felt guilty because we weren't trying to get pregnant and I was so scared of having more children in our situation...and we were told we were infertile so we didn't prevent anything - our fault I guess!  But I had to get maternity clothes at 9w this time.  I had this horrible sinking feeling that I was just setting myself up or jinxing myself by buying anything early.  HOWEVER, once I found out they were girls, I couldn't stop!  LOL!  

Once I felt them move regularly I felt like "finally, I know they are ok" and let myself enjoy my pregnancy.  I still wake up EVERY morning and say "oh crap, it's real!"  LOL.  There is no denying THAT now!

Good luck and take care,
Sandy

Hi,

I guess with those who have been TTC for a long time its hard to accept that its happening. I was trying for 11 years and I had a MC a few years ago and I keep saying well, I made it past that 4 weeks but I'm no way out of the woods. There is a little worry about what could happen. However, we have to be strong so we can give positive vibes to the baby. I know that even though I'm scared, I pray for the baby growing within me and I tell it how much it is already loved. Whatever the future holds, I am still a better person for having carried this miracle. I am the youngest of 6 kids so my family has been waiting for years for me to have one and are talking about showers, etc. ALREADY?!? You have to walk at your own pace. Don't be pulled into other's pace. If you have to send your friends out while you're delivering, so be it, but don't buy things if you are going to sit and look at them in sadness. I wish you all the best for yourself and the baby.

Thank you all so much for your replies and for making me fel like I'm not crazy for feeling this way. I think it is getting better day by day. I am starting to feel like maybe this realy will happen. I guess one of the main reasons Ifeel this way has to do with when Hubby and I first started trying to conceive. My mother had all her kids a couple years apart with no problems and I just assumed I would be the same. We KNEW we'd be pregnant within months of getting the IUD out (I know...I was never told about the problems with IUD until afterward). We were just so damn ****y! Then...after 7 years ( I am not ultra religious but the number 7 did strike me as somewhat significant in my superstitious lil soul) of humbling infertility and one big WLS, it finally happened. I suppose that's where alot of my reservation comes from. I know it's not practical or rational but part of me felt like we brought the infertility on ourselves. Now I try desperately not to be too confident....just quietly thankful for every kick and nudge and every trip to the restroom with unstained panties....sorry TMI but I'm sure some of you know what I mean. I think I am going to have the shower after though. The thought of doing it that way just feels so much better! I don't think I realized how muchthe thought was freaking me out until I changed it. For my part I'm buying a baby book this weekend and I'm gona start filling it out. I'm also going to start doing belly pics which I have also avoided up to now. And today is my 20 wk US and I will know if I'm having a boy or a girl. It is time to start accepting and letting myself breathe. I read the mantra last night and will repeat it every day

Today I am PREGNANT.....
and so on..