Feeling Hopeless-Kind of long post

Hi Traci,
I am sorry that you are going through this. I can only imagine that as the time passes, it is harder to keep the faith and the hope. As you know I've been trying for 6 cycles now (7 months cuz some of my cycles are long) and looking at talking to the dr's, and I'm feeling a bit hopeless myself. I dont want to offend you or anyone by saying that, because I do already have my son (9 years old). But I do know that it's hard when things are not going the way we think that they should. I really hope and pray you will have positive results soon.

Lisa

Thanks Lisa.  I pray you get your BFP.

Traci

Traci-
I give your props for actually being brave enough to say it all.  I know after TTC for 19 months; I didn't want to feel the way you do, but inside I did.  It sounds funny, but even seeing that show on MTV "16 and pregnant" used to get to me.  But I think in all you said you said it best at the end...."God's path..."....My step daughter ask me nearly everyday "When are you going to have an egg. and touches my ovary area...she is six and she doen't quite understand how the entire process works-looong story"...she meant when am I having a baby.  I would respond "When God is ready for our family to have a baby, he will put one in my belly"...today we haven't told her, but I can only imagine her reply will be.  And all said and done, the month I took no fertility drugs; had sex only one time around my surge (hubby headed off to sea) and least expected it....I got that long awaited "+".  The only thoughts I can give, is don't give up, stay on God's plan...he gives you nothing you can't handle, even the long wait.

Good luck!  Stacey

Thanks Stacey. I think I typed the message about six different times over the last week . I didn't really want to post it but I just wanted someone to tell they understand or have been there.

The treatments suck (the medication drives you bonkers). Then you have the disappointment when it doesn't happen. Then, when it goes, you miscarry. I can go to baby showers, hold babies, watch shows, and etc.

Congrats on your pregnancy.

Traci

I understand. Well, kinda. When I got preggers I felt bad cause I got preggers so easily. I know there are so many women here that have a hard time getting PG. When I lost the baby I actually wondered if any of those women were a little happy since I did get preggers the first month. I am now at the point I am in my 2ww and I am thrilled that I am sick again but at the same time my heart breaks for everyone having problems. I guess part of that is because I thought I would have had a hard time and was prepared for it. I have one Fallopian Tube and hubby had an undescended (yeah, not sure if that's right but spell check can't figure it out.) testicle and the doctors weren't sure if it would affect his fertility.

There is someone at work that is just flakier than hell and she is preggers for the second time. At a really bad down moment I wondered why she was able to get pg and carry when I couldn't. She is unmarried and here I am married and wanting a baby.

Hope this makes sense and you know what I am trying to say.

I, nor anyone who has struggled, would ever want someone to have a miscarriage just because it came easily to them. I wouldn't wish loss nor suffering to anyone. Miscarriage is hard to go through no matter what!

I am happy it happened easily for you. I am glad you haven't had to suffer any fertility issues. I am sorry you had a loss though.

I don't think "oh, so-and-so has it so easy." I think more "why can't I have a child, get pregnant, and be happy." I mostly question it when I see someone who is not providing for the children, abusing, or can't support their children that I wonder why the universe gives them the privilege and not me.

Again, this is just a bad day but I will pick myself up and find hope again through my faith.

Thanks for the response,
Traci

Traci~
I know that there is nothing I can say to make you feel better.  I am in the same boat as you are.  My husband and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary yesturday and we have been ttc for almost four years (minus the time we took out for me to have my surgery).  Just know that you are not alone.  It comforts me to know that all the emotions that I feel every month, someone else is feeling them too, not even our husbands can truly understand what we go through.  If there is anything that I can do, please let me know, otherwise just remember that I am thinking of you and I am in your corner!!

Angie,

I think that is why I posted is because I wanted those that are stuggling to know they are not alone. Sometimes I feel so alone in my feelings and that NO ONE is going through what I am going through. I do know that others feel my pain!

You know I am cheering you on. I have been the IUI route four times with one success. Know that I am here anytime!!!!

Traci

Tracy
You will be a great mom when the time comes... And I am sorry all the BFP have had you down I know that they had me down after the MC.  Your time will come like you said you have faith thats important :)

I'm sorry things are so hard on you right now.  Although I can't 100% say I know exactly what you're feeling about wanting to be a mom....because I have a 14 year old son...I do know how it feels to want to be a mom again.  I try not to do too much complaining about my miscarriages...because I know that I am blessed to have him, and I know that there are too many of you out there who are going through so much just to get to where I am at. 

I believe I've mentioned before how much I miss my 'rose colored glasses' of naivete.  I never saw any of these problems coming back when I started TTC and got pg the first time.  I assumed (foolishly) that since I got pg so easily w/my son and had such an easy pregnancy/delivery w/him (all 9 lb 12 oz of him!), that it would 'always' be that way.  I figured the fertility/miscarriage problems happen to 'someone else.' Now I know I am that 'someone else' to other women who still have their rose colored glasses and fertility/TTC innocence. 

Regarding trying not to be judgmental when you see someone get pregnant who wasn't trying or even wanting to be pregnant, or giving birth to drug baby after drug baby...I'm with you on that.  I could make you cry telling you about the babies that I see here and the conditions they live...and die...in. 

I try (hard) not to say, 'Why are they pregnant and not me?' because it's all God's will.  I would never wish any woman to be where I am.  I wish I was in the loneliest 'club' in the world and that members were so scarce that I didn't 'know' a single other member.  Until my journey down this path started, I never realized how many women out there were having problems getting...and/or staying...pregnant.  I do, however, thank God that I found this group so that I have someone to vent to, someone who 'gets' it and can rejoice and cry with each other as we all go down this road...the road I can't wait until you reach the end of...When someone is calling you 'Mom.'  Now if it could just be a highway rather than a country road...that'd be even better.