Feeling Hopeless-Kind of long post

I don't know if I will get much replies but I have been feeling hopeless for a while and thought I would post here. Maybe try to get some support from those that have been there.

I want to be a Mom more than anything. Some days I am jealous from all the babies, BFP, and etc on the board. But, It also gives me hope. I guess it is just hard at times when you want to be the post posting the good news.

I am 16 months into actively TTC (that means charting, temping, fertility treatments, etc). I have been married 10 years. I had three IUI's and got pregnant, then miscarried in June/July. I did one IUI post miscarriage (August) and it wasn't successful. In September I wasn't able to do IUI because I would be out of time during the normal time-frame of doing the IUI so I wasn't going to spend all the money and not be able to do the IUI. So, my RE had me take clomid even though I have normal periods to just physiologically make me feel like we are still trying and my body to have medication in my system :) 

Sometimes, it is hard not to judge and say why can everyone else seem to get pregnant. Some people say oh I am pregnant again and didn't want another baby/babies, one night stands who just one time of having sex got pregnant, an oops, drug babies (last week we had 20 of them at work), etc.

I know I am sounding like a Debbie Downer; however, I do have faith. I pray every day for me to accept God's path in this process but I guess just in the last few weeks I have felt hopeless!

Thanks for reading!
Traci

I could spew out all the the BS lines and advice that most people will give you, but I know how annoying that would be to you.  

I cannot tell you if and when it's going to happen, but I can tell you that I'm an e-mail click away to vent to.    

THIS SUCK!   Simple as that.   It's not fair, there are no explanations I can give you as to why it's happening, but I can tell you that I will keep all crossables crossed for you and throw up a few prayers that one day (and hopefully sooner than later) you will get the baby(s) that you are longing for.  

Thanks Julie! I know you are not one to BS, you are a straight shooter.

I know that noone can tell me when or if, but it is just frustrating at times!

Thanks for being there!
Traci

I don't have any experience with infertility however I will pray for you. I work for Child Protective Services and I see woman who have many children I mean like 12 and 15 and they are all in the system, have different fathers and some born addicted to drugs. It ****** me off too as I have to see it everyday and I think of woman like yourself that have been trying to get pregnant so long, are in a committed relationship and just can't get pregnant. GOD works in mysterious ways sometimes, have faith that your time will come. Maybe a break from "trying" is in order. Just to gather yourself so you can de-stress, I know it has to be frustrating. Keep faith and your time will come. And when I complain about having to get up multiple times a night for feedings I will think of you, as I am sure you would get up every hour if that was required. Your post put in perspective for me that I need to be happy for what I have.

((Hugs))

Yes, it is hard to see the increase of young mothers (13-17) that are pregnant. Then, you put into the mix all the babies that test positive to drugs and it breaks my heart!

Yes, when you feel frustrated by your children, tired, or have to get up late for feedings - count your blessings and hugs your children a little tighter :)

Thanks for your comments.
Traci

I second Julie.

I don't have any wise words, advice or answers. But I know that sometimes it's good to just type it out and get your feelings out in the open. And I want you to know that I read it, I hear what you are saying and that I feel for you and think it's theraputic to release your thoughts.

You are NOT a Debbie Downer. You are a normal person who wants to be a mom. That's all and you are entitled to have all of the feelings you stated!

Good luck, prayers, swinging chickens and failry dust!

Thanks Jo!

Traci

I don't know what you are going through but can only imagine your frustrations. You have every right to feel the way you do...  Keeping you in my prayers... (((HUGS))))

Thanks!
Traci

Hmm...where do I start?

You know my story.  October 6th will mark *3 f'ing years* of trying to get pregnant for me.  I use to be optimistic.  I just cannot find that within myself anymore, so I am probably not one to look to for a source of hope.  Yesterday, I just had my 6th IUI (with injectables).  The cycle was effed from the beginning...my left ovary stimmed too fast, I surged on my own, had to take Ganirelix to stop it, etc., etc.  I am putting $100 on a BFN at the end of this *****

What I can offer you is support in that I won't say something completely ridiculous to you.  I won't offer you false hope.  I will ***** right along side you about all of those things you mentioned and take it one step farther.  Resonsible adults DO NOT have accidents "all the time."  It is a bunch of BS and it ticks me off to read about it (and some of those stories are even on here).  Instead of posting my thoughts about them and getting flamed, I just don't post on that kind of stuff.  I cannot muster up a congrats for some of the scenarios, sorry.

I will post for people like you and others I know are having a hard time or for posters needing TTC help.....that is where I am helpful, because my response won't be bitter.

And I am going to tell you right now, if I get one response to this post that tells me I am not getting pregnant because I am bitter, negative, or have a bad attitude.....well, let's just say you don't want to see that;)

That all being said....good luck to you Tracy and I surely do hope that one day you can say you conquered infertility, because it is one hell of a bloody battle.