OT: Just feeling BLUE and GUILTY!

Hello everyone

Well I just wanted to vent... after having the kids home all summer, today they went back to school and now I feel all lonely.
When I had my kids I was very young and dumb and I didnt take the time to be the good mami
that I am today, I must say I have done a pretty good job so far.
But my pain and guilt is when it comes to my 11 yr old Jasmine.... I love my kids with all my heart... Today it was her first day in a new school, she is now in the 6th grade, but if you see my kiddo she looks like a 8th grader...she is only 11 and weighs in at 260.
I feel like a failure because when I was 350lbs I would allow her to sit there and eat and be miserable right along with me, I was in an abusive relationship and she was also abused physically by this monster so we both just ate our pain away I guess, we were placed in a DVC and the weight just kept comming.
It broke my heart this morning to leave her in school b/c I know how cruel kids can be
and this school starts from 6 grade all the way to 12 so there are some really big kids in there and she looked soooo scared.
I tried so hard to talk to her about weight loss, I cook good foods but she  says she is never full and that she wants more and more, I got her the WII Fit she wont do it, I got the WII Coach and she wont do that either... she gets on track and works out but then a few days later she is at square 1... but I dont get mad because I was once there and as an adult I know how hard it was so I imagine it must be twice as hard for her.
My BF says Im toooo over protective... But I have been abused in every way imaginable so I have my reasons to be the way I am.

I dont see myself letting go.. EVER.. LOL, well maybe someday.
She wants to walk home from school, the school is 7 blocks away from our home
I refuse to let her walk home alone, they say im making her more paranoid by not
allowing her to be free...I dont care I just cant, she is to young in my eyes.

I told her after I gave birth I was going to buy a treadmill so we can both work out
and I tild her about Weigh****chers... but I dont know if she is to young for that???

Well Im going to cont. to try to do what I can to help her out
I dont want her to feel that just because im having new babies I will
forget all about her and the plans we had.

Any Ideas would he helpful as well.

Thank you

Meleney

I think you are doing a great job, loving her. I would just continue to keep only healthy foods in the house and maybe once you deliver you to can have some sort of exercise competition. An example would be, who ever exercises everyday for 30 days gets to pick a special activity to do. Maybe just even alone time with you or shooting hoops at the park. Give her lots of praise and do not make it about her losing weight. Make it about the whole family getting healthy. Good Luck!

That sounds like a great Idea..never thought about a reward..
That might just work :)
thank you so much.

I don't think your a failure. I feel the same way sometimes. My middle daughter has gotten pretty chunky, I've tried cooking better too, just has the same problem as me. Never feels full. WW sounds like a good idea for you guys, that way she can still have whatever she wants, just in smaller amounts, hopefully making her think about her choices. Like a pop is 3 points, she may think, hey I can have something to eat with those points instead of drinking that pop. Small things like that. I hope you'll feel better. Take care of yourself and those babies. Good luck!

thank you Stefanie

Okay, I'm going to tell some of my story to you because it's might make something click. I , like many of us, was overweight from an early age....starting around 9 yrs old or so. I have a sister who was, and still is, super morbidly obese. She is 14 years older than me. I have another sister who suffred from bulemia and anorexia. We all share a mother that has never been fat a day in her life and to this day notices a person's weight before anything else. I was put on every strict diet out there....A very low fat(less than 10 g per day) diet at the age of 10, Weigh****chers by age 12, The diabetic diet(even though I hadn't been dx'd with it) at age 13. When my mom took me to the doctor, they actually told her she was starving me and stopping my metabolism. They wanted her to raise my caloric intake of healthy foods to 3000 per day. My mom walked out of that office shaking her head, saying "You'd be as big as a house...tsk,tsk, tsk" The thing was, they were right. It was ALWAYS on her mind. In highschool, I met a guy who liked me for me. We started going out and doing things....nothing bad....taking walks, seeing sites, going to the zoo and museums....a lot of walking and talking and being generally silly. Guess What. I started losing weight. By the end of that summer, I'd lost 40 lbs. People noticed. It made me keep going. I lost 40 more during the school year.
This guy tricked me into exercising...hehe. He didn't know he was doing it. He was just full of life and and positive thinking and my weight never came up once. What I was eating was not even important.(probably more than I'd been allowed in my whole life). He and I are still friends.
The point is---don't be so obvious about it. You DO know part of what she's feeling....but she  is her, not you. Go out and DO things and have her come along for a fun time. Don't even mention exercise or diet. It will eventually rub off and when she starts dropping big lbs, she'll be motivated.
 
You love her....don't ever feel guilty about that or the past.

Hugs,
Angie

Thanks Angie
I tried all summer for her to do something, she even begged me not to send
her to sleep away camp, for 10 days...I asked why....her reply I dont like
the food they serve.

I'll keep at it and make it less about the weight thing and more
about health.

Maybe she would benefit from some counseling. Hormones are so crazy at this age too. She's probably being a little rebelious. I have one that's A LOT rebelious. Sometimes it helps to have someone else that stands by what you are trying to teach her....that's not you. If I say tha****er is wet, Alex will say it's dry. COunseling has helped him alot and taken a lot of stress off of me. I had to learn to step away a little. I was abused too and Alex and I have been through some rough situations together. I tend to overcrowd him. He says I love him too much. Isn't that a riot?

Most importantly, you can't guilt yourself over this, Sweetie. The most important thing is that you got both of you out of that situation and didn't return. You should be proud of that. It takes an amazing strength and love for your child to accomplish that.

Much Hugs,
Angie

Meleney,

Don't focus on feeling guilty because you can't change the past.  You are doing the right thing now by trying to protect her and get her healthy.  I loved Angie's story and think that is an excellent idea for you too.    Don't make diet and exercise the obvious focus.  Just start making plans for the entire family to be more active.  Put the babies in their stroller and take walks everyday with your daughter.  Start thinking of little ways to increase your activity..it all adds up.  Between that and keep the junk food out of the house...I bet that you will see a difference.

You will be okay...just get creative.

Take care,

Kim

Thank you Kim