Miscarriage after heartbeat seen??

(((Hugs)) Jackie- I understand how you feel, for a LONG time after my m/c I wondered the same thing...why was "allowed to see that heartbeat" (I saw it several times).  My Dr's at the time, never did blood testing besides the HcG..so there were all types of possibilities to why...but the 1 Dr.  I liked in the entire group of 13plus- actually did my D&C told me, that he had wonderful hopes that I would recover physically within a few days, and emotionally it would take time.  He told me how they lost a child to m/c and how some of their friends had lost babies to m/c- and how many, many woman have to feel this pain.  He assured me that he felt the reason why it happened were abnormalities with the baby and that it was nothing I did or could have done to change the outcome.  He assured me he felt in his opinion I would go on to have healthy children and this was one of those sad events.  He was so right- I felt physically better super fast, emotionally I recovered slow (I still grieve)...but  I DO have a wonderful daughter, who I adore, and another daughter coming soon ( healthy I pray).  But I also changed Dr's because of the lack of care, I felt from their practice (both not doing blood monitoring, and their over all attitude).  I found wonderful Dr's who understand my fears, and have tested me pro-actively twice to catch my progesterone shortage.  Stay positive, I am hoping sometime soon you get another BFP ..just we aware your worries will be great...it's normal.  I worried until I held my DD in my arms- but you know, your a mom already too.

Jackie

Unfortunately, this is likely one of those times when you will never know 100% why something happens.  I have decided that I don't want to hear statistics on anything to do w/pregnancy any more.  Statistics say that at my age (41), I have only a 5-10% chance of even becoming pregnant...though I've done it four times in 18 months, 3x on my own, 1x w/IUI.  Statistics show that my chances of mc'ing each time is less and less...ie...a 3rd mc is only about a 1-2% chance, a fourth one even less...but it still happens.  So both statistics are wrong for me...I shouldn't be able to get pg easily, and I shouldn't be having mc's each time. 

With two of my pgs that resulted in a mc, I saw a heartbeat.  I mc'd before I had an u/s w/the the first one.  I had an u/s, saw a heartbeat that was perfectly fine on the 2nd...had to do an u/s of my kidney (an annual thing) and they did a bonus u/s and saw a hb...this was on a Friday.  Sunday the bleeding started and Monday they did an u/s and no hb.  My third mc...I was spotting, they did an u/s...saw a hb at a normal rate, said the 'pole' was fine, everything looked good...continued spotting, had another u/s a few days later...everything was fine...and an hour after I got home I was bleeding heavily and mc'd.  The fourth mc...I didn't get a chance to have an u/s so never saw a hb.

After four mc's, talking to numerous drs, etc...they have finally come to the conclusion that they're relatively sure that at least most of my mc's were caused by hormones being out of wack.  It's possible one or two were chromosomal...but not likely that four were.  After the last mc in July, I talked to another dr in the U.S. and he said that the progesterone I had been given afer the third mc (used during the fourth pg) wasn't even in the ball park of being enough.  I have a new prescription sitting here waiting for me to get pg again and God willing, that'll address the problem.  I'll have to take it 3x a day versus 1x a day for the other one.

My point is to try to ignore the 'statistics.' You are not a statistic and it's hard to wrap your mind around why you have to be different and don't fit in the mold with the 'statistics.' You did not cause your mc, and you may never know what did...but God willing, healing will come your way and though you will never forget this lost baby, you will find joy in another baby soon.

Thank you so much for your kind words and words of wisdom. You are so strong! Thank you for taking time out to be a friend :)

Jackie

Jackie,

I lost my son at 19 weeks. I was induced and had to deliver him after an ultrasound showed no heartbeat. It was horrible to go through. And I had no answers as to why. At my previous Dr. appt, the heatbeat was great and I was measuring on target.

I understand the "why's". And the "what ifs". I wondered if I ate, or did something wrong. I played every moment back in my head trying to pin point what went wrong.

It's hard. And I know that. Hang in there. It does get easier.

I was in the same boat 2 years ago we had a heart beat at 9 weeks and then nothing. I am terrified this time around. I know it is hard not to blame yourself, I still wonder. At first it was every minute of every hour and then it was everyday and then it went to just every once in while. Now that I am pregnant again I think of it often. My heart and prayers go out you. Send me a PM if you just need someone to talk you. Sending hugs your way.

UGH! I left a message and it got lost. In a nutshell I said I know what you mean. I am right there with you with those feelings? What if I had done this instead? What if I hadn't done that?