Depressed (please no flaming)
Ok First before anyone says anything please understand that yes every baby is a blessing from God and I do believe everything happens for a reason.
That being said hubby, mom and myself went for our gender ultrasound at a 4D place on Friday. As soon as she put the wand up to my stomach there was this huge penis in my face. I immediately yelled it's a boy and almost started crying then and there. I love my boys dearly but I just really wanted my little girl. I wanted the cute clothes, the one that wanted to be like me, the one that when she grew up would call me and ask for advice, I wanted to be by her side when she gave birth to my grand babies. And when I saw that winkie it just all vanished. I know I should be grateful for 4 healthy boys and that is a lot more than many others ever get, but I also feel like I have right to mourn my dreams. The suckiest part is that I really felt like for the first time that I was having a girl. This pregnancy has been so different from my other 3 that were almost identical even though 2 were pre-op and the last was post. I know it will get better and once they hand me my new little boys I wouldn't trade him for a truckload of little girls but right now all I want to do is cry. Selfish but true.
On another note, the reason I didn't post sooner was that this weekend was mine and DH's anniversary. We had a big trip planned to go away alone but with mom's stroke we had to adjust it to take the boys, romantic huh. So we go to the beach have a great time and even go to the water park on Saturday. We had not been there 3 hours and my husband calls me over frantic. When I get there he is holding Logan with and EMT and first aid guy standing over him. Poor little Logy had cut his head open on one of the kiddie slides and was pouring blood. So we take him to the ER, the big boy had to have his first set of stitches. Four right over the eye, poor baby. So it was a great weekend, me depressed and Logan in pain. So this was my update and my official joining the blue team once again. That you for letting me ramble and getting my emotions out.
That being said hubby, mom and myself went for our gender ultrasound at a 4D place on Friday. As soon as she put the wand up to my stomach there was this huge penis in my face. I immediately yelled it's a boy and almost started crying then and there. I love my boys dearly but I just really wanted my little girl. I wanted the cute clothes, the one that wanted to be like me, the one that when she grew up would call me and ask for advice, I wanted to be by her side when she gave birth to my grand babies. And when I saw that winkie it just all vanished. I know I should be grateful for 4 healthy boys and that is a lot more than many others ever get, but I also feel like I have right to mourn my dreams. The suckiest part is that I really felt like for the first time that I was having a girl. This pregnancy has been so different from my other 3 that were almost identical even though 2 were pre-op and the last was post. I know it will get better and once they hand me my new little boys I wouldn't trade him for a truckload of little girls but right now all I want to do is cry. Selfish but true.
On another note, the reason I didn't post sooner was that this weekend was mine and DH's anniversary. We had a big trip planned to go away alone but with mom's stroke we had to adjust it to take the boys, romantic huh. So we go to the beach have a great time and even go to the water park on Saturday. We had not been there 3 hours and my husband calls me over frantic. When I get there he is holding Logan with and EMT and first aid guy standing over him. Poor little Logy had cut his head open on one of the kiddie slides and was pouring blood. So we take him to the ER, the big boy had to have his first set of stitches. Four right over the eye, poor baby. So it was a great weekend, me depressed and Logan in pain. So this was my update and my official joining the blue team once again. That you for letting me ramble and getting my emotions out.
Ashe mommy to D.L. 12/23/01 Logan 1/7/04 Noah 5/6/08, Gabriel 2/11/10 & Proud Army wife to Kris
So sorry to hear about Logan! Glad that he is OK though.
I am sure it is a bit disappointing not having a little girl - I can totally understand wanting to help her get ready for her wedding and the birth of grandbabies. I don't have any children yet - we are still TTC - but I would love a boy and a girl. I am sure that you had yourself all psyched up to see girl parts and when that blaring penis waved at you it was a shock. That being said and all the emotions that go with being preggo I think you are justified - like you said once this baby comes along you are going to love him to pieces!
*hugs* hope that things turn up for you
COngrats on having a HEALTHY baby boy baking away! :)
I am sure it is a bit disappointing not having a little girl - I can totally understand wanting to help her get ready for her wedding and the birth of grandbabies. I don't have any children yet - we are still TTC - but I would love a boy and a girl. I am sure that you had yourself all psyched up to see girl parts and when that blaring penis waved at you it was a shock. That being said and all the emotions that go with being preggo I think you are justified - like you said once this baby comes along you are going to love him to pieces!
*hugs* hope that things turn up for you
COngrats on having a HEALTHY baby boy baking away! :)
Ashe,
No flaming from me, I get it. I loveeee my son's with all my heart but totally get what you are saying. I think that God will give you what you need and he knows what we will need in the future. My husband and I were talking about this last night and he said we could always adopt a girl but I just don't know. My mom and I are best friends and I want that kind of relationship with a daughter, but who is to say if I would have that with a daughter.
Sorry about your son, Joey had the same kind of cut above his eye on his birthday that needed stitches. It was very tramatic for both of us.
Just keep thinking how blessed you are but I understand.
Chrissy
No flaming from me, I get it. I loveeee my son's with all my heart but totally get what you are saying. I think that God will give you what you need and he knows what we will need in the future. My husband and I were talking about this last night and he said we could always adopt a girl but I just don't know. My mom and I are best friends and I want that kind of relationship with a daughter, but who is to say if I would have that with a daughter.
Sorry about your son, Joey had the same kind of cut above his eye on his birthday that needed stitches. It was very tramatic for both of us.
Just keep thinking how blessed you are but I understand.
Chrissy
mini goal, pre pregnancy weight!
Ash,
Ramble away!!!! My sis is having boy #4 on the 20th (scheduled C-Section) Out of us 2 girls that my mom had... she is not even getting one girl... let alone the fact of my sister has ALWAYS been the "girlie-girl" and now she has 3 boys, and pregnant with another boy!!! (Who was a "suprise" by the way)
-Jamie
Ramble away!!!! My sis is having boy #4 on the 20th (scheduled C-Section) Out of us 2 girls that my mom had... she is not even getting one girl... let alone the fact of my sister has ALWAYS been the "girlie-girl" and now she has 3 boys, and pregnant with another boy!!! (Who was a "suprise" by the way)
-Jamie
RNY 2/26/2002 DS 12/29/2011
HW 317 SW 263 BMI 45.1
SW 298 CW 192 BMI 32.9~60% EWL
LW 151 in 2003
TT 4/9/2003
Normal BMI 24.8 is my GOAL!!!
GBP (RNY) 2/26/02 298 lbs, TT 4/9/03 151 lbs, DS 12/29/11
HW 317 SW 263 BMI 45.1/CW 192 BMI 32.9/GW 145 ~ Normal BMI 24.8
**Revision Journey started 3/2009 Approved 12/12/11**
Hey Sweety....
Happy Anniversary! Nate and I celebrated our 2nd Anniversary last week APART (again) so I understand the romance piece...lol....I told him he owes me big time....but that is the choice I made when I fell in love with this amazing NAVY guy.....next year we will be together so I have to live each day one at a time.....
Also, I hope your mom is doing better...please update us.....
Now onto the flaming (JUST KIDDING)....I just want to say ramble and vent away....yes, God is blessing you and yes, your new little man will be your sunshine....you just never know about all of the daughter in laws you will have in the future.....you may have that love of a female you long for in them....I only have my little man right now but as you do, I pray God will bless me with a little princess too....I have had two dreams in the last few months about being pregnant with another BOY...I will not care either but do have the same cravings you do....I just am going to trust that God has a reason for EVERYTHING.....
Big Hugs sweet thang!
Happy Anniversary! Nate and I celebrated our 2nd Anniversary last week APART (again) so I understand the romance piece...lol....I told him he owes me big time....but that is the choice I made when I fell in love with this amazing NAVY guy.....next year we will be together so I have to live each day one at a time.....
Also, I hope your mom is doing better...please update us.....
Now onto the flaming (JUST KIDDING)....I just want to say ramble and vent away....yes, God is blessing you and yes, your new little man will be your sunshine....you just never know about all of the daughter in laws you will have in the future.....you may have that love of a female you long for in them....I only have my little man right now but as you do, I pray God will bless me with a little princess too....I have had two dreams in the last few months about being pregnant with another BOY...I will not care either but do have the same cravings you do....I just am going to trust that God has a reason for EVERYTHING.....
Big Hugs sweet thang!
I totally understand...but in reverse. when i was pregnant for the 2nd time I was told that would be my last pregnancy. I just really wanted a boy. I wanted my son to have a brother and didnt want a girl to not have sister...when i found out she was a girl i wouldnt believe it. I had 3 ultrasounds that said she was a SHE and when she was born, my first words were :"is it really a girl?" I felt aweful, but I was bummed at first. NOW nearly 7 years later, I wouldnt trade her for the world. She is a light and my son doesnt mind not having a brother. So, hang in there. It is ok to have feelings even if they may seem selfish to others...they are YOUR feelings and they are valid. You will love this little boy, but disappointment in the gender is ok too. I am very careful to NEVER say anything to my daughter about how I felt...We are truly blessed to have these babies when others are struggling to conceive. I was there and had fertility babies so I understand that too. Blessing to you. Dont be too hard on yourself.
SW 241.6/ CW 138.8/ GW 140 At Goal 12/11/2009
No flames... you have a right to your feelings. I really wanted a girl with Kaden, I mean, really. I am very happy now with him as a boy, and now with two boys I won't ever get to do the cute clothes and all that other stuff you talked about either. You're allowed a little mourning time, don't beat yourself up for it. I look at it this way... no teenage PMS to deal with, the drama is much lower, and there's a lot of other things to be thankful your little boys won't have to go through. I'm sorry Logan got hurt. It sounds like you need another break! Big Hug!
-Donna
-Donna
Girl, you will absolutely no judgment from me. I had the exact same reaction at my ultrasound. I am pregnant with girl number 3 and wanted a boy so badly. I actually thought that DH would be the one to freak out in the situation but it was all me. I knew that it wasn't rational, I knew I should be grateful and that I was horrible for wanted something different but there I was - bawling like a brat.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You know that you will come around and that the baby will be loved very much. I tried to just give myself permission to be upset for a few days and then move on. I think denying our true disappointment can backfire. You have every right to feel what you feel. We can dream right? Indulging in my petty desire for a boy worked because now I am actually excited to be having another little girl. At least I know what to do!
Congrats on your little miracle (and sorry about your other little guy getting hurt!) Any time you want to commiserate, feel free to PM me! I totally understand.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You know that you will come around and that the baby will be loved very much. I tried to just give myself permission to be upset for a few days and then move on. I think denying our true disappointment can backfire. You have every right to feel what you feel. We can dream right? Indulging in my petty desire for a boy worked because now I am actually excited to be having another little girl. At least I know what to do!
Congrats on your little miracle (and sorry about your other little guy getting hurt!) Any time you want to commiserate, feel free to PM me! I totally understand.
Love, Riah
No flaming from me either. I sobbed for days after I found out Niko was a boy. I have eight brothers and out of my mom's 17 grandchildren there are only five girls(one of them is adopted). DH and I desparately wanted a girl. We would've stopped after that. It sounds silly and Niko is the light of our world now. With this one, I don't really care. I just want Niko to have someone close to his age around. Even our cats are boys. I'm so tired of testosterone I could scream. Of course, girls come with their very own set of obstacles.
It's a gut reaction. One that you know will be replaced with all kinds of love. Cut yourself some slack for being pregnant and hormonal.
Sorry about the non-romantic anniversary. Romance is pretty scarce around these parts too.
Big Hugs,
Angie
It's a gut reaction. One that you know will be replaced with all kinds of love. Cut yourself some slack for being pregnant and hormonal.
Sorry about the non-romantic anniversary. Romance is pretty scarce around these parts too.
Big Hugs,
Angie
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