Totally OT--but I need some trusted input

Okay,
 Dave and I met in 1997. We were completely open with each other about our pasts. I had Alex when I was 20 and his father basically ran the day he found out I was pregnant. Dave has a daughter that was born in Feb 1997 with a woman that he was never in a serious relationship with. We were both going through rough times during that part of our lives. It's part of the reason we understood each other so much.
This woman lives in Texas. She told Dave when his daughter was little that if he wasn't going to come be "hers" than she would never let him be a father to his daughter. We never had the financial resources to fight her on it and she kept moving around to keep us off her trail. We have always paid support. I say "we" because, there were lean times that I actually wrote the support checks.(before we were married and I still worked) She would never let Dave speak to or bond with his daughter. My MIL and SIL hated me so they arranged for her to come up to Indy and "Steal" Dave away from me. MIL has admitted this to me over the years. They even let her stay at their houses. She ended up propositioning Dave(in the nude), at which point, Dave got up and ran home as fast as he could. He always told me she was a nut job. That was YEARS ago. 
 
We have continued to pay support and, over the years, Dave has had to deal and heal with a lot over this because he is not the kind of man that can feel nothing for his children.  I would never stand in the way of his daughter coming back into his life. If she was dumped on our porch today, I would love her like she's my own without a second thought. However, I draw a line with the mother. She has been married three times, has three kids by three different men and continues to live with her original husband in a relationship she calls "complicated". I have a notion that she is still holding out hopes for Dave because the last time she got married, she called MIL and told her she was coming through Indy and if Dave wanted to stop her from getting married, then he could------ugh, eww, and shiver. We were already married by then and had been together for six years.

Sooo- here's the problem.....last night, a friend request pops up on his facebook account from the mother. The first words out of his mouth were "I wonder what SHE wants". Now, she could want anything. She could just want a place to send his daughter( she's getting to that difficult teen age), or  feel bad because she's never let Dave know his daughter,...or she could be trying to stir up trouble. My gut is telling me it's trouble, but I don't want Dave to miss out on an opportunity to have a relationship that was basically stolen from him. She could want money. She thinks we are rolling in money because we live in an actual house instead of a trailer. We don't. They review our income every year to see if they can raise her support, but we don't make what she seems to think we make.

Sooo- should we accept her request and find out what she wants? Or should we leave it alone?

I really don't know.

Thanks for reading my novel. This is the ONLY drama we have had in our lives and it makes me itchy.

Angie

Run do not walk to the nearest exit.   Do not have this woman as a FB friend.  

Honestly, this should have been taken care of years ago through the court system, but that's neither here nor there.  Obviously the best scenario for the child would be for the parents to remain cordial, but sometimes that doesn't always happen.  

So I suggest that if your husband wants to establish a relationship with his daughter that he start by establishing some sort of set visitation via the court system.  Leave the scary crazy baby mama out of it and let her know that the days of "her terms" visitation are over.  

Also, the idea that you need pricey attorneys and loads of money to go through the court system to fight for a child are false.  Sure, you may have a different outcome if you have a high powered lawyer, but court appointed attorneys and free legal services exist for a reason. 

AGREE!

You are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. However you are describing my fathers relationship with my OLDER brothers mom... basically he paid his child support and when my brother was in high school...my dad knew that my brother would start asking questions and that is exactly what happen.
My brothers mother still attempts to harass my father and my mother... she is a crazy women. She still talks to my fathers mother...and all his sisters and *****es about my mom, even though my parents have been married going on 30 years!

Honestly I would not accept it. If you want to keep your life uncomplicated from her!

Yeah--my thoughts are to leave things as they are. The last court documents issued temporary custody of his daughter to her mother....that was in 1997. As I said though, she kept moving around and we tried to go to legal aid to find her, but it complicated matters because she's out of state.  The Texas court system always knew where we were and would never let us know where she was.

At the time, we had no idea how to handle the situation. Legal aid told us that we had to have an attorney in Texas and we just couldn't. We were struggling financially... barely paying rent and groceries. Texas legal aid would not help because Dave wasn't a resident and the AG there is set up in favor of the mother.

I know that last document leaves a huge question of custody. I've always wanted it resolved...because things like this always have a way of resurfacing.

I think I'll leave it up to Dave...see what she wants and figure it out from there.

Angie

T R O U B L E....is all that woman is good for. It is blatantly obvious in just the brief scenario you have written about. She will use her child as a pawn and ultimately in the end the only ones that will end up hurt is you and your family. I whole heartedly agree that you should use the recourse of the legal system, and the military, if you can, to take action. It can't be a healthy situation for anyone involved. I had a blast from the past facebook request pop up from an old high school friend and I thought, how nice, maybe we can make up etc etc etc...wrong! Turns out she was actually friends with me ex's wife and through her they wanted to access my page and wreak havoc in my life....they obviously, even though older than me...have not grown up. So, no, no, no...would be my answer. Hope it all works out.
Oh..p.s... FB me.... Samara Irwin Makinsi

I am with everyone else, Angie...don't friend her!  Friend me, though...I thought we were friends on there, don't know where my head is!

Laurie