The reason why I didn't want to say anything...
About feeling like I was getting PPD is because of people like the freaking Assclown that posted earlier.
I feel like my meds aren't helping. The med she gave to help me with anxiety is awesome, but I know I am not *right* on the depression side.... you know what I mean? The zoloft makes me feel worse - like a slug that just wants to hang out in a dark house all day - and than feels guilty because her beautiful 23 month old girl should be enjoying the warm summer sun.
I took them out yesterday for the first time by myself. Had a total anxiety attack at the thought of going out - but knew it would be good for me and that I needed to do it. Wrong. I felt like **** - just sad like people were looking at me and judging me for being a ****ty mom because I am a depressed freak and guilty as **** for feeling like I wanted to do my own thing without my children for once.
I cried for the 25 minute drive home.
I just miss being me sometimes. I think when we become moms we sometimes loose sight of who we are.
I am not tyring to be a drama queen - I have ups and downs, the last couple of days have been down. I guess I just need to vent because my biotch husband doesn't understand and *****es at me when he gets home - because he feels like he gets home and wants to relax, so helping me and giving me a minute away from an infant and a 23 month old child is just too much to ask for. Such a *****
I hope I feel normal again someday - **** I am having a freaking panic attack just f'ing venting about it. I have my 6 week check up/PPD follow up on Friday - hopefully she can change my meds. Any suggestions?
Thank you for listening. I love you guys.
I feel like my meds aren't helping. The med she gave to help me with anxiety is awesome, but I know I am not *right* on the depression side.... you know what I mean? The zoloft makes me feel worse - like a slug that just wants to hang out in a dark house all day - and than feels guilty because her beautiful 23 month old girl should be enjoying the warm summer sun.
I took them out yesterday for the first time by myself. Had a total anxiety attack at the thought of going out - but knew it would be good for me and that I needed to do it. Wrong. I felt like **** - just sad like people were looking at me and judging me for being a ****ty mom because I am a depressed freak and guilty as **** for feeling like I wanted to do my own thing without my children for once.
I cried for the 25 minute drive home.
I just miss being me sometimes. I think when we become moms we sometimes loose sight of who we are.
I am not tyring to be a drama queen - I have ups and downs, the last couple of days have been down. I guess I just need to vent because my biotch husband doesn't understand and *****es at me when he gets home - because he feels like he gets home and wants to relax, so helping me and giving me a minute away from an infant and a 23 month old child is just too much to ask for. Such a *****
I hope I feel normal again someday - **** I am having a freaking panic attack just f'ing venting about it. I have my 6 week check up/PPD follow up on Friday - hopefully she can change my meds. Any suggestions?
Thank you for listening. I love you guys.
Dawn Momma to:
Bailey Rachelle Renee 8/21/07, Baby #2 in heaven 4/12/08,
Isabella Ava Rose 6 18/09, Carter Kenneth 7/14/10
Bailey Rachelle Renee 8/21/07, Baby #2 in heaven 4/12/08,
Isabella Ava Rose 6 18/09, Carter Kenneth 7/14/10
I was so excited to be pregnant with Kellen that I totally skipped the PPD section of the "What to Expect" books. WRONG! I thought I was the ONLY one of my friends that felt that way after having a baby. I felt much better when ALL of my friends said that after the second baby, all hell broke loose.
I was the same way, I cried and cried and hated life. I felt resentful towards Kellen and felt like he disrupted our happy lives. Holden didn't deserve to have a little blood-sucking brother that took ALL my time and energy. I'm so thankful I knew I had some sort of issue going on. My mom had this after having my sister 33 years ago and NEVER got help. She and my sister still have a horrible relationship that litterally started in the hospital the day she was born. I didn't want that for me and Kellen. It wasn't his fault.
So, you are not alone. I am scared ****less about adding two more to the mix. I'm so glad that you are saying something to your doctors and working on it. It shows your strength!! I wish you so much luck!!! I tried Celexa and it worked wonders for me. This was after a m/c, not Kellen.
Big hugs and love,
Sandy
I was the same way, I cried and cried and hated life. I felt resentful towards Kellen and felt like he disrupted our happy lives. Holden didn't deserve to have a little blood-sucking brother that took ALL my time and energy. I'm so thankful I knew I had some sort of issue going on. My mom had this after having my sister 33 years ago and NEVER got help. She and my sister still have a horrible relationship that litterally started in the hospital the day she was born. I didn't want that for me and Kellen. It wasn't his fault.
So, you are not alone. I am scared ****less about adding two more to the mix. I'm so glad that you are saying something to your doctors and working on it. It shows your strength!! I wish you so much luck!!! I tried Celexa and it worked wonders for me. This was after a m/c, not Kellen.
Big hugs and love,
Sandy
Big Hugs, Dawn. Depression stinks. Have you talked to your doc about changing your meds? Alex(DS#1) has anxiety based depression. Yes, there are different kinds. He was on Welbutrin for a while, but when he hit full blown puberty, it made him have violent mood swings. They changed him to an anxiety med called Lexapro. The change has been very dramatic. He is much more himself....no drugged blahs. There is also Paxil and a number of others. Also, I throuroughly believe in the counseling end of treatment, because sometimes you just need someone to talk to---to get it all out....and maybe help explain to those around you that do not understand what you are going through. Stop feeling guilty. I mean it. Stop it right now.
Hugs,
Angie
Hugs,
Angie
aww sweetie *hugs*
I can't comment about the PPD but I have anxiety and a change in meds sounds like it is in order. I did OK on lexapro (it is the wonder drug for my aunt) and Wellbutrin is my miracle drug. SO it just means that you haven't gotten the right combo yet.
Hang in there!
OH and go poke hubby in the eye - he should be helping you more! Tell him you just got off your full time job and could use some time to relax too!
I can't comment about the PPD but I have anxiety and a change in meds sounds like it is in order. I did OK on lexapro (it is the wonder drug for my aunt) and Wellbutrin is my miracle drug. SO it just means that you haven't gotten the right combo yet.
Hang in there!
OH and go poke hubby in the eye - he should be helping you more! Tell him you just got off your full time job and could use some time to relax too!
Dawn,
I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I, myself, never suffered from PPD. I think it was because I hated being pregnant, and was so glad to have my body back to myself once the baby was born...that I skipped the whole PPD part. HOWEVER, I have suffered with anxiety and depression just from regular life stuff for about the last 5 years. I take Lexapro and Buspar...the Lexapro is an anxiety based antidepressant...so it helps with both...the Buspar is also for the anxiety. Neither drug makes me feel sluggish or yucky.
I so wish you could give yourself a break and realize that you are not some freak of nature. This happens to sooooooooooo many women. I think it is just coming to the forefront because when I was having my kids...it was more taboo....like it just didn't happen. I think it is awesome that you can come here and talk about it, but you may need to talk to someone IRL...a pastor, a nurse at your physician's office, a friend, a counselor, basically anyone you feel comfortable spilling your guts with.
I am always here for you if you need to talk. I definitely do not have all the answers to life, but I am a great listener...sometimes its easier to spill your guts to someone you don't see face to face because it is less embarrassing...LOL
Anyway, know I am thinking of you....and am sending big hugs your way.
Laura
I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I, myself, never suffered from PPD. I think it was because I hated being pregnant, and was so glad to have my body back to myself once the baby was born...that I skipped the whole PPD part. HOWEVER, I have suffered with anxiety and depression just from regular life stuff for about the last 5 years. I take Lexapro and Buspar...the Lexapro is an anxiety based antidepressant...so it helps with both...the Buspar is also for the anxiety. Neither drug makes me feel sluggish or yucky.
I so wish you could give yourself a break and realize that you are not some freak of nature. This happens to sooooooooooo many women. I think it is just coming to the forefront because when I was having my kids...it was more taboo....like it just didn't happen. I think it is awesome that you can come here and talk about it, but you may need to talk to someone IRL...a pastor, a nurse at your physician's office, a friend, a counselor, basically anyone you feel comfortable spilling your guts with.
I am always here for you if you need to talk. I definitely do not have all the answers to life, but I am a great listener...sometimes its easier to spill your guts to someone you don't see face to face because it is less embarrassing...LOL
Anyway, know I am thinking of you....and am sending big hugs your way.
Laura
Not all meds work the same for everyone. I had my med adjusted twice. And actually, have an appt tomorrow about changing it or something.....because I don't feel it is working as it should.
DO NOT put yourself down for this. You are not in control of a chemical imbalance. It's not something you can change or fix on your own. It takes time and adjustment to get through it.
As for your hubby.......I am not sure what to tell you. I know Johnny was at his wits end with me. Frustrated, pissed and didn't get it. Finally, his sister sat him down and had a LONG talk with him about PPD, explaining it to him, and getting him to try and understand and be supportive. It made the biggest difference.....because I couldn't talk to him. All I wanted to do was chew his ass out.
Maybe there is someone in your life that could do that? Or he could go along to doc appt maybe? The OB could then explain it. Alot of times things are understood and looked at better if an outside person sits and explains.
Good Luck at your appt sweetie! Everything WILL be ok. Just acknowledge if things arent working and be persistent in communicating that to your doc. And the 2 of you will be able to find what works best!
Hugs!
Jo
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila & salt and give me a call!
Depression & anxiety have this crazy habit of hanging out together, and making it hard to discern one from another. If you can, talk to a psychologist or someone who might be able to make the distinction for you. I get them mixed up in myself, the one difference being, when I'm having a lot of anxiety, I have panic attacks, where I didn't ever with depression.
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