The Joys of your 3rd Trimester......

Brianna L.
on 7/16/09 1:28 pm - Hesperia, CA

Wiping is HARD WORK.
I was sweating so much from my crotch area that it felt like I peed my pants.
I pee a little when I sneeze (eww)...
You need the handicapped spot more than the old woman in a wheelchair!
shaving my legs has become an Olympic sport
Every time I bend over a little *toot* sneaks out :)
Trying to clip your toenails is a JOKE
One fart can clear a room
Folding laundry can cause hyperventilation
Pregnancy glow" yeah RIGHT. It's sweat and tears.
My belly button says the turkey's done, but I'm only 32 weeks.
I went to the store yesterday with a big red dinner stain on my shirt because I couldn't see it and didn't know it was there until later
Penguins are jealous of my waddle.
I avoid all outdoor activities like the plague because I sweat like a friggin pig!
I still maintain that i have no stretchmarks (if I cannot see them they are not there) even though Hubby says they are below my belly button.
getting out of bed is now a 2 person job. if I don't get help then it takes about 5 minutes just to prep.
midnight snacks are no longer a luxury but a NECESSITY... and if I don't get my food someone may get hurt...
I can actually soak a paper towel with the sweat from the FRONT of my neck.
EVERYTHING either makes me cry, makes me cranky or makes me hungry.
I squatted down to take my daughters picture, and I fell over backwards! Of course I couldn't catch myself because I had the camera in hand! And there were tons of people around... I was at the front of a line waiting for free bisquits!
Waking up in the middle of the night screaming in pain from leg cramps and hubby freaking out because he thinks I'm in labor.
Forgetting how big the belly is....and closing it in the door.
My feet are so swollen I can't just slip on the same old shoes and I can't bend over to get them on.
My feet are always dry because I can't reach them to put lotion on.
Going pee... walking out of the bathroom and into another room and than realizing I have to go back to the bathroom because......I have to pee again!!!
Having to change your pants, underwear 10 times a day cuz it's windy and you're sneezing or something makes you laugh, or the baby jumps on your bladder.... or the world is spinning.
Getting in and out of bathroom stalls??
Getting no sleep at night because the baby wont stop moving, or my stomach is growling, or my body is aching!!
Peeing before I leave...and then when I get there....and then again before I leave.
People touching my belly....LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Feeling guilty for contributing to the drought from drinking so much water and flushing the toilets a thousand times a day.
Getting no sleep because.....I SNORE NOW! I'm waking myself up
Pooping is hard work!
I have to fall into the car to get in it and then I can't get back out :(
Walking outside to talk to the neighbor and not realizing your boobs have sprung a leak.
The couch has a permanent buttprint because you sit on it so much.
Yelling at your husband and bawling hysterically because he forgot to bring home chicken nuggets.
"Mommy just dropped that and can't get it will you get it?"
"Here hunny take the vacuum hose and stick it under the couch and move it around a bit... try and get those cheerios up"
What about trying to pee in the cup at every doctors visit??? It is not like I can see or aim!!!
-going to the grocery store for bread and milk and coming out with cheese puffs, ice cream, popcorn, doughnuts, swiss cake rolls and blueberries.
Finding my keys in the refrigerator, the peanut butter jar in the medicine cabinet, and my cell phone in the trunk of my car!
Trying to stand up from sitting without passing out from dizziness.
Getting to get Hubby back for all the times he farted without warning.
Wearing Hubby's shirts because your maternity shirts aren't long enough to cover the bottom of your belly anymore.
Eating a normal sized tv dinner is just an appitizer.
Getting stares at the grocery store because you are going through the frozen food section grabbing all the desserts!
Let's not forget SEX...how "fun" it is to find a way to get around that belly and act like its totally enjoyable!!!
Never enjoyed walking naked in the house before until now.
went to the bathroom the other night and made sure the seat was down and that toilet paper was in a reachable place... sat down and peed right through my sweat pants.
I have so many stretch marks my belly looks like the road map to outer space! And let me tell you the butt isin't looking so great anymore. I just noticed a few stretch marks there too:(
The other morning I actually almost fell off the toilet head first trying to wipe.
Being in rage after getting home to discover McDonalds has forgotten a fry and now I must share mine with the kids...do I load them up and go back...I must have dwelled on this for 5 minutes!
When I hear a song i like my mind still thinks I can drop it like it's hot but my body tells a completely different story!
And the best thing of all....Hemorroids!...I think that is what you get when you make the mistake of "bragging" that you never had morning sickness.
Having my shirt lifted up in public by my Daughter because she wants to give the baby a kiss.
I tried to shave my crotch this morning, and couldn't. I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom crying my eyes out when DH came in and started laughing at me. I threw the clipper at his head, and started bawling harder.
My thighs now rub together when I walk so I sweat in my crotch area enough to make me think I'm leaking amniotic fluid. I was so convinced I was leaking that I had my doc check. Turns out, I'm just sweating a lot and I pee on myself a little.
I peed before the movie and by the time I got into the theater and walked ALL the way up the stairs I had to go right back down to pee again and *tooted* on the way down because if I would have tried to hold it I would have peed my pants.
My 4 yr old asked me where my lap was yesterday.

Brianna RNY 9-25-06 / Pre-Op.253lbs / Current...155lbs.
Wife to Robert, Mom to... Jacob (11 yrs) Zoë (22 mo) and Niklas Ryan Born 8/26/09

RiahG
on 7/16/09 1:52 pm - WA

Lap Band on 12/05/07

I'd by laughing my a$$ off right now if I wasn't afraid to pee my pants... You totally made my night!

Love, Riah

Brianna L.
on 7/16/09 1:57 pm - Hesperia, CA

VBG on 09/25/06

I'm on another pregnancy board and everyone added to it......I did pee my pants....lol! I only copied some of them, there were well over 100 of them. I'm happy I made your night.

Brianna RNY 9-25-06 / Pre-Op.253lbs / Current...155lbs.
Wife to Robert, Mom to... Jacob (11 yrs) Zoë (22 mo) and Niklas Ryan Born 8/26/09

shannon31600
on 7/16/09 2:31 pm - NJ

RNY on 01/23/06

O this is funny.....

Hugs,
Shannon

floflo1981
on 7/16/09 11:14 pm - Huntsville, AL

RNY on 04/23/07

I have so much to look forward to lol

Thanks for the laugh!!
~Flora

Lilypie - (zx1x)

Pre-op 284/Current 180/Goal 145 5'5
Surgery Date:April 23, 2007

BethD
on 7/16/09 11:32 pm - Winder, GA

Ok that cracked me up there are so many of those that are SOOOO me, I am just now getting to the uncomfortable stage BUT oh my i can't believe how many of those I can relate too! Very funny!
Beth

vwilliams
on 7/16/09 11:55 pm

RNY on 09/09/04

Hilarious, I have to agree with you on the peeing, I contemplated just staying on the toliet for the day. It's ridiculous, you pee and not even out of the bathroom yet you have to pee again...sigh I can't wait to feel "normal" or somewhat again soon!

Shauna S.
on 7/16/09 11:58 pm - Amsterdam, NY

I LOVE IT! I think MAYBE like 5 of them didn't pertain to me. Everything else - totally spot on. The one thing I find so humorous is that I can totally clear a room with my farts (SO calls me a truck driver) and they come out with ease. But I'm practically in labor position when I have to poop - go figure!

It's almost over. It's almost over.