Finally told my mom I'm TTC... need some advice...long

    My mom and I are really close.  My dad is an asshole to say the least.  My parents are divorced and I have a sister and brother.  When my parents divorced I was 17 and I became like a surrogate parent to my siblings to help out my mom.  So we have a different bond than the other kids do.  My sister had her graduation (from high school) party on Sunday.  I was the "caterer" (although I didn't get paid LOL) so I came down to my mom's with the DH on Saturday to cook.  I never told her about my chemical pregnancy, I told her I thought I was pregnant, but then after it happened I was upset and didn't want to tell her, so I just said I wasn't.  Anyway I told my mom that my MIL had given DH and I a bottle of alcohol that was a "fertility aid" and that my MIL had asked if we were pregnant (nice right).  My inlaws are 63, my mom is 41.  So the in laws are kinda rushing us, while my mom is not. 
     So that was how the topic came about.  My mom flat out asked me if I was off BC.  I told her yes, and to my surprise she told me she figured I was and everyone in the house, including my clueless step father thought we were TTC.  Then she preceded to tell me that the week before, which was the 4th of July, after DH and I left her house, my mom, stepdad, sister and sisters BF were all talking about when I should have kids, and yada yada.  My mom would love to be a grandma (she had me when she was 18 so she knew she would prob be a young grand ma) but does not want me to waste my 150,000 dollar private university education.  They think that if I get pregnant right away I will not have a career.  The fact is I am about to be 22 next month.  I am newly married, and when I had that chemical pregnancy it sent me flying into maternal mode big time.  The problem is EVERYONE else thinks they have a say in when I have baby.  Especially my sister who thinks I'm too young, don't have a job and blah blah.  My father, who is an a-hole remember, said something to the effect of "shes just going to get knocked up and not do anything with her life."  My husband works 50 hours a week, 1 1/2 hours from home.  I "graduated" in May, the school let me walk in the ceremony but I have 2 classes left to take in the fall then I am completely done with school in December with a double major in psychology and Spanish.  I want to go back to school to get my masters.  but that will take time.  My mom and his parents do help us a little still with finances.  They both do not mind for the time being, and I do plan on getting a job.
      I guess what I'm what I'm asking is, to what degree do you let others influence this decision, if any amount at all?  Can anyone give me advice?

That's a tough one. No one can decide when you are ready but you and hubby. 

My Mom was the same way - I'm 29. No matter what they are still our Mom's and want the best for us. They want us to be in a better place then they were (possibly) when we were born and sometimes and "outsider" can see things more clearly then we can. I graduated in 2004 with my BA in Advertising and Graphic design and while I was SO ready to have a baby I knew the time wasn't right for us. We needed to be in a better place financially and physically. That and I wanted to be out of our apartment and into a house where there was more space. We both work 50+ hours a week  (and I am over an hour each way commuting, hubby is 45 minutes) and don't by any means live beyond our means and I am still worried about money when we are blessed with a baby because I know babies are expensive. My theory was if we could pay everything and still put at least $100-$200 a week aside that we would be good for any "baby expenses" (seriously have you looked at the price of diapers - CRAZINESS I tell you! lol)

If I were in your shoes I would probably wait (although it would KILL ME!****il we were financially set and maybe even had some $$ set aside for an emergency. I keep thinking "what if", what if I get put on bed rest or have to be out of work longer then expected. Unfortunately Wells Fargo doesn't want to hear that when they come looking for their mortgage check.

It is totally a personal decision that only you and hubby can know when you are ready and are in the best place to have a baby.

Again this is all what I would do - but we are different people and you might feel differently about it - I tend to be over conservative. Not trying to hurt your feelings just telling you what I would do.

Liz

Of course it doesn't hurt my feelings.  I am looking for input.  I guess I kinda tripped over my maternal clock when the whole chemical pregnancy happened.  Though it was not the same as what you and your hubby had to deal with, it deff still hurt.  I do get comfort from my mom when she told me, "it all some how works out" financially she means.  We are in an apartment as of right now, however in December we are moving to Doylestown PA  in an apartment, and we are going to be building a house on the inlaws land (they have 10 acres in Newtown).  We have money put away, and a mortgage would be less that what we pay for rent here in NJ (1300 a month...eeek!)  So we have some wiggle room with finances.  My mother pays my car payments, as the car was a gift for my high school graduation 4 years ago.  And his parents help a little too.

At first the hubby did want to wait.  But he realizes there are people in far worse situations than us having kids.  I guess I've always wanted to be a young mom.  Thanks for the input Liz.  BTW is Easton close to Doylestown?  I think I read somewhere that you go there to your Dr. or something?  We got married there, at the Aldi Mansion. 

O yea totally agree on the outrageous price of diapers!

we'll practically be neighbors! lol I work in Horsham and drive right through Doylestown twice a day. We lived in an apt there too for our first 3 years married. It's a nice area.

Gotcha - well then GO FOR IT! I always wanted to be a young Mom too.

My Grandmother tells me the same thing - that somehow things always work out! I am sure she is right, I'm a class A worry wart

Happy TTC - maybe we'll get to be partners in Pregnancy in August!

my DH is a class A worry wart also.  The day we started talking about offically TTC, it was like he thought the baby would be on our door step the next day LOL. 

I know where Horsham is.  We were also looking at apartments in Levittown and Langhore, they are a little cheaper, but we love doylestown even though the town area is so confusing to drive through.  I say we deff need to get together in the winter, and hopefully both with preggo bellies! lol

You do not let others influence you at all. You are a married woman. I think it's way cool that you have your degree, but it is precisely because you are young that you can have a baby and work, or have a baby and stay home THEN work later, or have a baby and go to school. The entire time, you will not be wasting your most fertile years and you will be a student in the most important school of life. On top of that, you and your husband will have a precious and sacred symbol of your love for each other. The day you got married(probably before) you and your husband became the most important decision makers for yourselves and each other. Noone should hold any sway over what you and he decide as man and wife.Period.

Angie

Thanks Angie!  I completely agree with what you are saying.  It's soooo hard to be a newly married couple and hearing all these mixed opinions from family.  I do not want to be swayed by any member of out famlies, even the ones saying we should have a baby now.  I have always wanted to be a young mom, but people seem to think I will never use my education and blah blah.  But I went to school to educate myself, that doesn't mean I have to immediatly use my skills right out of school.  I have plenty of time for everything, that includes kids.   But you know how it is to feel the overwhelming urge to have a baby, and I have that 24/7.  Thanks for the advice!

I don't think others should influence your decision at all, but you have to be prepared to "pay the cost to be the boss".  If you are relying on your parents and inlaws for financial help, you have to prepared to give up their financial support if you don't have their approval for some of your decisions.

On the personal side, I think you are really lucky to have so many options open to you.  Maybe you and your husband should take some quality personal time to think about a plan for your future careers, educations and family.  Once you have agreed on a plan, whatever it is that makes you both happy, I bet you will feel less defensive about your family's opinions and your family may not agree but hopefully they will respect your decisions.

Good Luck!

I think you are very young and have plenty of time. If you are still in 'school mode' stick with it, get it out of the way so you won't be trying to do school AND a kid. It can be done, I know lots who have done it, but why stress out if you don't have to? Plus I think it would be wise to wait until you aren't relying on your folks to help with your bills. Babies are expensive!!! With that said, yes you DO manage to find a way to work things out. I don't think you should let people TELL you what to do, but I do think that you should be practical when making such a big decision. If any of this sounds harsh or *****y, I don't mean for it to. Trust me when I say that you can enjoy your child and pregnancy more when you aren't stressing about other things.