Need to vent or gripe or something.... and a few pictures

Warning, long post ahead......
So I think I may be losing my mind!  I don't know what is wrong with me, or if anything is and I need to give myself a break or if I need to start up on meds again.

I am ready to jump off of the deep end with my older son.  He is just driving me nuts, he is huggy and loving and I just don't want to be touched or have him hanging off of me.  I know before when I was diagnosed as being slightly depressed, I was really irritable and b&^chy and the wellbutrin that they put me on really took the edge off.  I am not crying and depressed, just on edge.  Well, I did manage to cry my way through church last Sunday, but that was just a rough morning of fighting with dh and older son.  But otherwise I don't feel depressed.

So this brings up the meds.  My ob's nurse said that the Wellbutrin is a class B, so if the benefits outweigh the risk, it is ok to take while breastfeeding.  I just don't know if I need it.
Also this brings up the breastfeeding....  I didn't think I would be able to since I had a reduction before having Zachary.  Well, I am able to and now I am getting tired of it.  I know that sounds really selfish once I type it out.  But since he isn't up to birth weight yet, they are having me nurse then pump, then feed him that or formula.  It is quite the ordeal and takes forever it seems.  While my husband was home and could tend to our other son it wasn't a problem but now it seems like I don't have time to do it all.  So if I stopped breastfeeding I wouldn't worry about taking the meds but I worry about the risk of it while breastfeeding, since I don't know if I really need it.

Well I think that is all, I just needed to vent to women who may understand.  Since my dh is being very supportive, he just doesn't get the hormones that are all out of whack, and I don't want to gripe to him all day.  Phew, I feel better already.
Here are a few pictures, I finally figured out how to post them!!  Of course they are different sizes but one thing at a time, my brain is still in preggo mode.
     

Breastmilk is nutritionally best.....BUT, it's not helping anyone for you to be fried and frazzled. I have a no guilt policy about it. I can't breastfeed. My milk doesn't come in at all and the extended rise in estrogen is very dangerous for my heart. Both of my boys are very snuggley and attached. My feeling is that you mus take care of the mama to take care of the family.


Your boys are so cute.

P.S. Your hormones are probably out of whack, but please don't let it get out of hand.

Hugs,
Angie

Thanks Angie!  I agree, guilt is not a good thing.

Chrissy,

I am sorry you are having a rough time! But I do have to say Zach is a CUTIE PIE!

I don't have personal experience to provide; however, my gf had postpartum depression as a diasnosis after her second child. She didn't have the crying fits all the time more of what you are experiencing. She just would get frustrated really easy, always on edge, and snappy.

As for breastfeading, try to get through the first six weeks and then take it from there. They say that six weeks is the most important. There are many women who can't, don't want to, or baby have issues with breastfeeding. So, do what is best for you.

Sending hugs your way!
Traci

Thanks Traci.  That is interesting about your friend, I am glad I am not the only one. 

I am sure there are people that will disagree with me.......and will be quick to jump on me.

But I don't think there is anything wrong with NOT breast feeding. It's not for everyone. Some people can't. Some babies can't. It's not always a perfect situation/connection that a lot of people paint the picture to be. So that being said..........

I would suggest you think hard about what is the best thing here. My philosophy is a

Happy Mommy = Happy BABY.

Your sanity and happiness are the most important thing. He will sense any and all tenseness, irritability, and depression. And you don't want him to feel that from you. I would rather feel sane, happy and content and bottle feed, than feel frazzled, upset, stressed just to breast feed.

Again, only my opinion. But I truly think you need to find the calmness and happiness in yourself first so those feelings are pssed on to him.

Thanks! 
I agree with you on the breast feeding.  You have to do what works for you and the baby.  I think I will give it awhile longer and see if it gets better.  I also agree that I need to be in a better place mentally, for myself, the boys and my hubby. 

He is so precious! I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks Jennifer! 

Awwww your little ones are sure cute!!

As for how you are feeling, know that you are NOT alone in this... I too didn't want people to hang on me or anything for a while after having my son... And BF was a disaster in my case although I had EVERY intention of doing it once he was born... It was so frustrating to me and I think it's definitely NOT for everyone... But of course, that's a decision you will have to make regarding the chances with the meds if you take them...

If you are not happy inside, the baby can sense this too... I know Zander could tell I was uptight for a while after he was born because he would fuss a lot when I would be upset inside... It seemed when I was calm, so was he...

I would seriously consider starting the Wellbutrin if you are feeling this way hon... I had to go on a medication for a few weeks after his birth because of my emotions and always feeling on edge... I think it was Zoloft he put me on but I didn't stay on it for long especially once I started to feel better... I slowly weaned off and stopped it... I'm doing ok now but it's been 7 months since my little one was born so hormones have gotten pretty much back to normal... Taking meds is nothing to be ashamed of, especially if you need them for the time being... It's better to be a happy mom; therefore, you will have a happy baby... For that fact, a happier family in general...

Just know you're not alone and whenever you need to vent, us Mommies are right here if you need us...  We understand, even when silly old men can't... My b/f didn't understand why I needed the meds for a while either... He kept telling me I just needed to relax... Grrrrrr!! I didn't listen to him and went on them anyhow which made me better in the long run I think...

Just do what YOU feel is right for your situation... Hang in there hon! It will get better... Having a new little one in the house is a hard thing and whomever said having kids is easy is NUTS!!