OT: Friendships. What do you think?

I'm just ugh... I don't know what to think. I'm just upset a bit. Here's the story...

A few weeks ago, I won 4 tickets to the movies, so I had asked my best friend if her son could skip daycare that day and go with us and I was going to take them swimming. She agreed and it was planned.

This past Friday my best friend was off work and took her son to the movies to see the new Ice Age movie. My son was out of daycare because it was closed and was at home with my parents. I was hoping she would have asked to take my son with them, but she didn't. So yeah I was a little ticked off. She knew he was at home that day. And it was all planned out, but not so much now.

Today was suppose to be a holiday for us but I'm working so that I can take off on Wednesday. My best friend IM'd and asked if I was mad. I told her yeah alittle bit. I mean, am I asking too much for my friend to be "nice" and ask my son to go the movies? She seems to think I'm keeping score, but I'm not. I just want someone to be nice to him for a change instead of the other way around.

It seems as though I'm doing for everyone else, but it's never the other way around. What do you guys honestly think? I'm just questioning my "friends" here lately....

Karine

Karine, I am saying this not to hurt you but there is nothing wrong with her just wanting to take her son. Life isn't about fairness. We take our kids friends everywhere with us including very expensive vacations and our older ones were always hurt when they were not reciprocated. There are times when you just want to be with your family. I would hate to have a friendship that was tit for tat. I prefer now not to have any IRL friends because it wasn't worth the drama. If you value your friend, let it go. If your friendship is causing you more grief then let her go.

IRL friends?

In Real Life... vs. Online Friends

In real life.

I no longer have close girlfriends. My best friend of 20 years lived high on the hog and filed bankruptcy twice. It was really hard when we were struggling to pay off our debt and she was getting yet another free pass. Another close friend was too competitive and it was too much. Another one I loaned $600 to and gave her our van that we were going to sell and never heard from her again after a 20 year friendship. People suck and I don't want to deal with the drama so I choose to have casual friends that I don't really want to know too much about.

Sorry. I didn't know what IRL meant, but I do now.

Jennifer, I can completely understand your situation with the friends and what they have done to you, etc. I don't blame you for your decision of not wanting anything to do with them.

I'm just in pain... I am going through so much these days with my ex and court, etc and she was or is the only true friend I have that understood what I was going through on a daily basis. I feel alone in this world and family doesn't seem to care. My ex is terminating his parental rights and it hurts that I don't get any help from him. I'm hurt because financially I am having to take care of 2 kids on my own and I'm constantly tired. I'm tired of not being able to do anything with my kids. Especially my oldest. I can't seem to go anywhere because I would have to take the baby. And theres not much to do with her tagging along.

I love my kids so much but I regret getting myself into this stupid situation!

I think you are in the wrong here and really should consider apologizing to your friend.  There is no rule that says if you know your friends kids are home that you must call and make sure their children have something to do.  That would be a ridiculous expectation. 

Maybe she just wanted some mom/son time.  Maybe she didn't want to deal with anyone else's child but her own.  There could be any number of reasons why she didn't want to invite your son, but in any case, she wasn't obligated to do so.  For you to make her feel like she was is wrong. 

Sorry, I'm with your friend on this one. 

I can understand you wanting her to reciprocate, but perhaps she just wanted an alone day with her son.  I myself have been on the other end of this scenario... my girls get invited to spend the night at peoples houses all the time.  I don't mind if they go sometimes.  I usually let them if there is nothing going on that day or the following.  Sometimes I get the feeling that the parents would like for me to reciprocate.... well it's just not that simple.  I babysit all day m-f and I work 4 nights a week.  These other parents only have 1-2 kids... I have 4 (soon to be 5 when step son arrives) and I relish the times when it is just my family.  Not to mention I get to sleep in on the days I don't have kids... and the sleepover crowd usually wakes up and is rampaging around the house before I am ready.

This isn't to say that I don't allow kids to sleep over... I just like to do it on my terms and not to go 1 for 1 with the other parents.  My kids are allowed to sleep over only if they are asked by the parent.... and if my kids are the ones to initiate the sleepover at someone elses house, I consider them being impolite and they aren't allowed.  Plus, my kids have to ask ME before asking anyone to sleepover.... otherwise, they definitely aren't allowed. 

We have other friends who seem to be "the flopsy" house and they don't mind kids around ALL the time.  I am always telling my kids to stay off their porch or play with them on the sidewalk or in the yard.  I guess I maybe weird, but I like my privacy, too.... and I expect my kids to respectfully give that privacy to others.

So maybe your friend just wanted a little private time.

B

I'm with you Bridget.  My kids have friends that constantly want them to come over, and as long as we dont have anything going on, I do not care, but I definitely would be a mom that is considered not to reciprocate.  I have been extremely ill, and we have 8 kids, although only 5 with us right now, and quite frankly...my house is full enough with kids without adding more to it.  I do let the kids have sleep overs here on occasion, but it definitely is on my terms.  My philosophy is, is the other moms do not care that their house is rampaged with other people's kids all the time...that is their call, but I am definitely not like that.  I guess I am a selfish mom...but its who I am and who I have always been!  It has maybe just gotten a litte more restrictive since my illness set in hot n heavy.  

Laura 

I agree with others. You cannot expect things to be even. I know I have friends that invite my kids more often than I invite thiers. But that's just how life rolls.

You should do something for a friend because you want to, not because of what you may get in return.

There's a fine line of being taken advantage of though. So if that's the case, maybe letting the friendship go is the best thing. Only you know that for sure.